It All Began at the Disco
by fireflower
Summary: What might've been...*A Donna/Hyde story*
1. The Disco Episode

**Well, this is my first attempt at a fan fiction story, so I hoping you enjoy and r & r.**

**Note:  I do not own any of the characters on That '70s show, and don't claim to own much else, so suing me would be utterly useless…lol**

The Basement 

The gang, minus Jackie is playing cards.  Jackie is sitting on the washing machine reading the newspaper.

"The game is Anaconda," says Eric as he start dealing the cards.  "Big Ace, Eight Ball, Red Lady, Jackson, High Brow, Wild Man…"

Jackie looks over at Kelso, and exclaims, "Oh My God, Michael!"  She gets off the washer and shouts, "They opened a disco!"

"Where at?" says Kelso.  

"In Kenosha. You could wear your David Bowie butt huggers," she says and starts disco dancing to imaginary music.

"Michael, that would be super!" replies a rather sarcastic Hyde.

"Laugh if you want, man, but my butt looks pretty good in those."

"Fine. Are you guys crazy? I mean, a disco? No way," Eric said with a grimace.  

Donna responds by saying, "I don't know, might be kinda fun to go dancing." 

"Oh, we could go!"

Kelso looks at his cards, realizes he has nothing and folds.  Hyde looks at Kelso, and tells him to go make some popcorn if he's out.  

Kelso heads to the kitchen to make the popcorn, and Hyde seeing that Jackie is still dancing says, "Take her with you."  Jackie follows Kelso into the kitchen.

"What is disco?" Fez asks.

"Disco is from hell, okay?  And not the good part of hell with all the murderers, but the lame ass part where the really bad accountants live," replies Hyde.

In the meantime, Donna is checking out Kelso's cards. 

"Excuse me, what are you doing?" Eric asks her.

"Looking at Kelso's cards."

"That's cheating."

Jackie screams downstairs, "Eric!  I can't find the popcorn!"  Eric jumps off the couch and heads upstairs, then rethinking this heads back to the couch.

"Hey, um, Donna, why don't you take a little look at my cards, then you won't have to wait for me to leave."   Eric attempts to show Donna his cards, but she pushes him away.  "No, come on, take a look. Take a look, tell me what I have, you cheater!"  He forces the cards right into her face where she can't help but look.  "You got nothing!" she says.  "Yeah, and I'm gonna bluff, so watch out!"  Eric runs up the stairs to help find the popcorn.

"Donna has stuff for Eric, yes?," Fez says to Hyde.  "Not stuff, thing. Donna has a thing for Eric."

Hyde looks over to Donna and asks,  "Why do you have a thing for Eric?"  

"He makes me laugh, he doesn't ask me stupid questions. He's smart, and, you know…"

"No, I don't know," he replies, a bit defensively.

"I know!"  Fez raises his hand.  Hyde points at him.  "It is because Eric is noble, and a woman wants her first love making to be in the arms of a man she can trust!"

Donna looks at Fez, "Fez?" "Yes." "Go make popcorn."  Fez gets up.

Forman kitchen

Eric, Red, and Kitty are eating

Eric talks to his parents about going to the disco in Kenosha, and gets his curfew extended to 1:00.  He also tries to con his way into getting some gas money, but is unsuccessful.  Red asks who's all going to the disco, to which Kitty replies that Donna will be going for sure as her and Eric are practically dating.  Eric tries to brush off her comments by continuing to ask for the money for gas.  Kitty tries to tell Eric that the quickest way to a girl's heart is to dance with her, and she reminisces about all the times she went dancing with Red on Mackinac Island.  Eric starts to comment about the mileage to Mackinac Island, but Kitty cuts him by starting to sing and dance.  This causes Red to say to Eric, "You see what you did? You got your mother started!"

Forman Garage 

Hyde to Kelso, "Man, I can't believe you're dragging everyone to that disco.  It's so sad"  "No, I'm just going to meet Kenosha chicks.  Breakin' up with Jackie."

"Oh, get a tall chick! Because you and Jackie look so silly together!" replies Fez.

Eric looks into the garbage can rather pitifully.  "Ok, that's all the deposit bottles and the aluminum cans. We gotta have at least…a dollar fifteen worth of gas." 

"Come on. My dad's got a ton of empties." Kelso says, and Eric, Kelso, and Fez head out to the driveway, leaving Hyde and Red in the garage.

Hyde looks to Red, "Man, I can't believe they're gonna waste all their money on a stupid disco when they could buy a really big bag…"  He pauses for a second thinking as he heads to the back of the garage preparing to leave, "…of _caramels_!"

"Not going to that disco, huh?" Red comments.

"No. Phony people listening to crappy music does not sound like my kinda time."

"You can't dance, can you?"

"I can dance."

"Oh, I don't think so, pal."

"I can dance," protests Hyde.

Red gets a smug look on his face, "Not one step."

"You're right, not one step."  Hyde sighs looking defeated.

"Well, then you got a problem, son. 'cause women wanna dance. They always wanna dance. Always."

"Why?" 

"'Cause. They get close and wiggle their bodies around in front of a man in a safe atmosphere." 

"See, I don't really wanna wiggle around in public."

"Well, of course not. You're a man. My point is, you're going to have to learn. Otherwise later on in life, you're gonna be wiggling all by yourself. Now if you want, I can help you out." 

**The Next Afternoon**

**The Forman Living Room**

Kitty is attempting to teach Hyde to dance, with hilarious, but rather disastrous results.

"Left, right, left, turn and step. Ok."

Hyde attempts to follow her instructions, but looks stiff, uncomfortable and clumsy.

"I can't keep up with music, Mrs. Forman."

"Now, lets not get discouraged! I am just gonna turn this music off!"  She goes and turns off the record player, then heads back to try without the music.

"Now! You follow me. Ok. You can do this. Ok. Left, right, left, turn and step!"

Hyde steps on her foot.

She stumbles, but gets up to try it again.  

"Ooh…no! No! No! Look at me, not at your feet. Ok, you know what, now, now, put your arm around me. Yeah, a little bit lower, put your hand in the small of my back. You feel how you can guide me?"

"Oh! Yeah…" replies Hyde with a smirk in his voice.

"Ok, ok. Left, r…you're leading!" She giggles.  "Ok, now. Tell me where to move with your hand. Uh-huh. Left, right, left, turn, uh-huh, ok, eye contact in the turn, ok, ok, and…dip!"  Partway into the dip, he doesn't support her back properly and she falls through the kitchen door.

"Ok, well now let's just do it again."

Meanwhile, Bob comes into the kitchen carrying a Thermos.  He yells, "Hello! Anybody home? I'm bringing back your thermos!" and cracks the kitchen door looking to see if anyone's home.  He sees Kitty in Hyde's arms and looks shocked.

"Ouh, put your hand there. Oh, that is perfect! You are better than Red!" says Kitty to Hyde who is supporting her back in a dip.

Bob runs off and hides behind the driveway door as Hyde and Kitty head into the kitchen.

"Oh, I am exhausted! That is sweaty work!" Kitty says to Hyde as she grabs them both bottles of Coke, which they raise in cheers.

"Mrs. Forman, I'd really appreciate it if maybe we didn't tell anybody what we were doing here." 

"Oh, mum is the word! Tomorrow after school, okay?"

"Thanks." 

"And Steven? You were good."

Bob looks through the window in the driveway door, shocked.

The Basement

Eric, Fez, Kelso, and Hyde are sitting in the circle.

Hyde, "Ok, I thought about it. And I'm going to the disco! Just on the off chance that they might mix up a little rock 'n roll, man."

Kelso, "Yeah? Well, I have something to say. I went to the mall today, and I bought a…pair of new shoes, and they're the coolest kicks in the cave!"

Eric, "So, no more for Kelso, he's toasted!" 

Fez, "I would like some toast if you are making some. Or food of any kind would be good. I am starving!" 

Hyde, "Oh, I read somewhere there are these people in India who fast, man! Yeah! And their minds are so advanced, they could actually think themselves to death, man!" 

Kelso, "Whoa. I hope I'm not doing that right now. My mind's always doing things that I don't even know about!"

Eric, "Man, we always think of so many brilliant things down here, but then later I can't remember any of them! I mean, they're brilliant man!"

Fez, "Someone go make toast right now." 

Hyde, "Hey, we should record our conversation, man! Yeah! Then we could play it back and write it down! I'll bet that's how the writers at National Lampoon do it!"

Kelso, "Yeah, well, I read somewhere that there's these people in France!" 

Hyde, "What do they do?"

Kelso, "You see, they are incredibly…French!"

Eric, "See, that's brilliant, man! I'm getting the tape recorder!"  He heads up the stairs.

Fez, "Where's my toast, you idiots?!"

The Forman Kitchen 

Eric has the tape recorder and is preparing to make toast.  Red walks in talks to him offering his gas money to perform a series of chores, but Eric has problems remembering the list as the wallpaper is moving behind him.  Finally after a few attempts to list off the chores he succeeds, and Red tells him that if he does them, he'll give him $10 for gas money.

Forman Living Room 

Hyde and Kitty's dance lessons continue, and we can see that Hyde is making progress.  They are dancing to various music, swing, mambo, and rumba.

Meanwhile at Donna's house, Bob and Midge are looking across the way.

"Aw, jeez, Midge. Kitty and that boy are at it again."

They close the blinds, but Bob opens them again and stares at the Foreman house for a while. 

Forman Driveway 

Kitty and Midge are with the gang taking pictures as they prepare to leave for the disco.

"You smell great. What'd you do?" Eric asks Donna.

"I took a bath. I was thinking of you the whole time."

"Yeah, you know I do the same thing in the shower."

Donna gets a weird look on her face. "What?"

"Nothing."

Kitty, camera ready says, "Oh, let's take some pictures! I'm ready, Steven get in closer. Ok, let's all schmoosh together! Ok, big smiles! Nice!"

She takes the first picture, and Kelso poses to show his butthuggers off to their best advantage.

As she prepares to take the next picture,  "Ok, now, girls, look how pretty, smile, nice!"  She takes a picture of Donna and Jackie this time.

"Now boys, oh, so handsome!" she says as she takes a picture of the guys.  Kelso, once again poses to show off his butthuggers.

"Ok, now lets…"

Eric cuts her off saying, "Hey, mom, why don't I take a picture of you?"

"No, no, no, no. Ok, you'll be late, bye now!" she replies looking  rather flustered.

Everyone starts to pile into the Vista Cruiser, as Midge talks to Donna.  Hyde goes over to Kitty and kisses her on the cheek.

"You're the best," he tells her.

"Oh, you go get 'em, Tiger."

Later that night, at the disco 

Kelso is trying to dance around to "Dancing," but is only succeeding to make a fool of himself.  He looks around for Jackie, and realizing that he's alone he runs to the table where the gang is sitting.

"Jackie, where'd you go?" he asks.

"I had to get something for you to bite on, cause I told everyone you were having a seizure!" 

"When do they play the disco music?" asks Fez.

"This is disco music." Donna tells him.

Fez shakes his head and says, "No, no. This is samba." 

Hyde looks at him with a disgusted look on his face, and replies, "Fez, it's disco, man. It's crap!"

"Whoa, I think I like this crap!" Fez stands up.  "Come, Jackie! Let's get down!" 

Jackie, still looking a little embarrassed about Kelso says, "No, I think I'm a little tired," and looks away.  

Fez sticks his hand under her chin and turns her around to face him.  "Don't resist me mama. It's boogie time!" he exclaims.

He proceeds to pull her out of her chair and onto the dance floor.

Donna looks at Kelso.  "I think you just lost your date!" 

"Yeah, well it's cool 'cause Jackie and I are history!"  a rather frustrated looking Kelso replies.

Fez and Jackie are doing some amazing disco moves on the dance floor, and are attracting the attention of the entire club.  Everyone is looking at them and cheering.  Fez picks Jackie up and spins her around.

"She must not weigh that much," responds Eric.

Jackie puts her leg around Fez to finish their big dance number.  Fez drags her back to the table.

"Is she touching his ass?" Kelso asks accusingly.

The song ends, and changes to Fernando.

"Listen, Merengue!"  Fez says, dragging Jackie off to dance again.

"Whoo! Fez, you're crazy!" 

As they are once again dancing, Eric says, "Wow, they are really good!"

"Yeah, if you wanna dance that way!" Kelso pouts.

Donna looking off into space responds, "I would love to dance that way!"

Hyde looks at her, "You wanna dance?"

"Sure!"  she exclaims, excited as Eric hasn't asked her to dance all night.

They get up and start dancing alongside Fez and Jackie.

"You dance. This is a side of you I've never seen," says Donna.

"Yeah. Actually, you're my first dance," Hyde bashfully replies.

"I'm your first? I'm honored."

"This is nice."

Hyde starts to slowly dance off to side with Donna as everyone is watching Jackie and Fez wow the club with their dance moves.  As they're moving, Donna dips and they look each other in the eyes.

"Donna, man, I feel like I wanna kiss you."

They pull out of the dip, and Hyde looks into her eyes.

"You don't have to kiss me back if you don't want."

Hyde leans forward and kisses her softly for a few seconds.  Once Donna comes to her senses she slaps him across the face and heads back toward the table.  By this time, the song is over, and Hyde's left standing on the dance floor with a bewildered look on his face.

Meanwhile at the vista cruiser 

"Fez, you are an amazing dancer!" Jackie exclaims.

"Actually Jackie, you are the reason I am amazing. You see, when a man dances, he should display the woman to the room like a beautiful flower."  Fez opens his hand to illustrate a blooming flower. 

"Oh, Fez!" she looks at him adoringly.

Kelso runs out of the disco, and pulls Fez out of the car.

Jackie looks at Kelso guiltily…"Michael!"

Kelso shoves Fez up against the car. "Alright, pal, that's it! It's you and me right here right now!" he screams.

"Why did you interrupt us?" Fez asks.

"Jackie is my girl, Fez."

"But you were breaking up with her!"

Jackie looks at Kelso angrily.  Kelso doesn't even know how to respond to this and looks bewildered.

"Where do you even get that stuff?" Kelso asks Fez.

"Ok, I'll be running away now." Fez says while trying to get away.

"Michael, M…" a very angry and flustered Jackie spouts.

Fez continues to try to get away, but Kelso grabs him and hangs him upside down.

Jackie comes to Fez's defense, exclaiming, "Michael! Michael, it's not his fault! You just don't know how to dance with me!" 

"I don't know how to dance with you, so you just take off with some other guy?"  he replies.

"I know, Michael, I'm sorry, I was wrong. But all I wanted to be was displayed like a flower." She opens her hand to show a blooming flower, mimicking Fez's earlier gesture.

"You know that you are my flower," says Kelso, getting all lovey-dovey.

Meanwhile Fez is still hanging upside down on Kelso, "That is so beautiful. Put me down." he interjects.

Kelso and Jackie ignore him.

"Oh, Michael!" a rather breathless Jackie says to Kelso adoringly.

They move into kiss, while Fez is still squashed up between them.

"Okay, I'm passing out now," says Fez, rather uncomfortably.

Kelso puts him down and continues where he and Jackie left off.

Forman Driveway 

Bob confronts Red about the "compromising" position he saw Hyde and Kitty in, and suggests that Hyde may be after Kitty.  Red, rather sarcastically responds with, "Oh, my god. Now I've gotta kill him. Get your deer rifle, Bob."  Bob looks rather flustered by this and stutters and stammers that he may have been mistaken, so there was no need to go to such drastic measures.  "You know what you saw! Get the damn gun." Red replies.  Bob then suggests that maybe Kitty had been choking on something, so Hyde was just helping her out.  Red stands there, looking half panicked and says, "I can't take that chance. What choice do I have as a man?"  Finally, it dawns on Bob that Kitty was probably only teaching Hyde to dance for the disco and he pats Red on the chest trying to calm him down.  "Dancing, huh?" responds Red, looking off into the distance, with a 'Isn't 

Bob a dumbass' look on his face.  "Yeah," says Bob, still buying Red's sarcasm.  "Jeez, Bob. That would be downright logical. Good thing I didn't shoot him," replies Red.  Red finally turns and looks Bob in the face.  Bob finally realizes that Red knew all about it.

After the disco, everyone is heading home.  Hyde and Fez are sitting on the hood of the Vista Cruiser looking at the stars.

"Hyde, you were right about disco music. It is evil. It's pulsing rhythm made me do a bad thing." 

"Yeah, well, me too," says Hyde, looking at the stars, thinking of his kiss with Donna and how she hasn't talked to him since.  She had spent the rest of the evening with Eric, and Hyde was convinced he'd blown it for sure.  He sighs.  Finally he clues into the fact that Fez is talking again.

"…Kelso is my friend, I cannot take his woman."

"You're a good guy, Fez." Hyde replies.  He is thinking to himself about how he wasn't quite so nice, and feels a little guilty.

"Actually, I could take his woman, but I won't." 

"Come on, I'll walk you home."

Eric and Donna come out of the house, and stop to talk to Fez and Hyde.

Hyde looks at Donna guiltily and says, "See you guys."

To which Donna replies, "See you Fez."

Eric looks at Donna quizzically…she's not usually so cold to Hyde and he wonders what's going on.  He makes a mental note to ask Donna about it later.  In the meantime, he says, "Good night," to both Fez and Hyde, who walk off.

Eric decides that he should try to get Donna to talk about what was bothering her. He says, "Hey, uh, Hyde dancing, what a surprise!"

Donna looks off into the night, and answers nonchalantly, "Yeah! Who knew?"

"Yeah. You looked like you were having a pretty good time," he prods.

"Yeah, well, you know, disco fever. You catch it. But I'm better now," she says in a rush, making it clear that she doesn't really want to talk about whatever's bothering her.

Eric lets it go, figuring she'll tell him when she's ready…"Wow. What a, weird night. Hey, did you see Kelso's shoes?" he says in an attempt to change the topic.

"Yeah. Remember when he saw that girl wearing the same shoes?"  Donna gets a goofy look on her face and starts cracking up.

"Oh, yes! That was, actually, it was pretty sad," Eric says breaking into a grin.

"Yeah, it was," Donna exclaims as the laughter starts to subside.

"Hey, um…do you recall that night we crossed the Rio Grande?" asks Eric.

"What?"  Donna looks confused.

"I can see it in your eyes."

"What are you talking about?"

Eric starts to sing…"How proud you would've fought for freedom in this land…"

Donna starts to look a little uncomfortable remembering the events that happened the last time she heard that song.  "Shut up, don't! Don't! Don't, shhh!," she says.

"There was something in the air that night! The stars were bright!"  Eric continues to sing oblivious to the look on Donna's face.

Donna starting to look rather panicked puts her hand to his mouth to stop the singing.

Eric continues to sing, but it comes out muffled with Donna's hand in the way.             "…Fernando! They were…"

Suddenly, Eric notices the look on Donna's face and abruptly stops singing.  "What's the matter, Donna?" he asks.  "You've been acting funny ever since you danced with Hyde."

"I don't know what you're talking about," persists Donna.  "Besides, you didn't dance with me all night!" she says defensively.

Eric looks rather sheepish. "That's because I don't know how to dance," he admits looking at an imaginary spot on his shoes.

"You'll learn," she says, "I'll teach you."  Donna starts singing, "There was something in the air that night! The stars were bright…"

"Donna, I really think we should talk about whatever's bothering you.  If Hyde said something to you to get you so upset, I swear he'll be wearing a giant foot up his ass…" Eric replies.  He frowns, trying to look tough.

Donna cuts him off mid tirade and continues singing, "Fernando!" She stops singing for a second and says, "Shut up and dance! They were shining there for you and me and liberty…"

Eric lets the issue with Hyde go for now, though he is concerned about it.  He starts to dance and sing with Donna in the driveway.

Both are singing, "Fernando! Though I never thought that we could lose, There's no regret, If I had to do the same again…"

Slowly Eric and Donna's singing fades out and is replaced by Abba.

ABBA: "I would, my friend, Fernando!"

**The next day**

Jackie heads over to the Foreman's for yet another day in the basement.  She thinks about how dirty and smelly it is down there, and how she'd rather spend the day at the mall, shopping for stuffed animals with Michael.  Ah well, she figures that she'd rather spend time with him in Eric's dirty basement than not at all, especially after their fight and make up the previous evening.  

Despite everything that happened, she had a wonderful time at the disco, and was still amazed by how well Fez could dance.  Michael could be such a yutz on the dance floor, but he was very easily manipulated, which Jackie really enjoyed.

She had promised Kitty that she would come and tell her all about the disco, since she knew that Eric wouldn't go into any details with her.  She adjusts her hair at the front door and raises her hand to knock.

Kitty opens the door on the smiling brunette, "Hello dear, what did you come to the front door for?  Everyone's already in the basement."

Red shouts from the living room, "Which of Eric's homeless friends is it this time…"

"I came to tell you about the disco like I promised," Jackie says, as she and Mrs. Foreman head to the living room.

Red looks up from the paper.

"Oh it's the noisy one," he says to Kitty.  "Why didn't you just go downstairs like the rest of the kids who seem to think they live here?" Red mutters, and continues to read the paper.

"Be nice, Red." Kitty admonishes him.

"So tell me all about the disco…" Kitty says to Jackie.  She pats the sofa next to her and Jackie flounces down next to her.

Jackie goes into a long tirade about how Kelso made a complete fool of himself on the dance floor and how much it embarrassed her.  Then she gushes about how Fez took her on the dance floor and how great they danced together, and how Michael got all jealous and came to defend her against Fez's advances and how romantic it was…  Kitty keeps a politely interested face the whole time, ignoring Red's exaggerated eye rolling behind his paper.

Out in the kitchen, Donna enters the Forman's house and heads for the dining room, intending to join her friends in the basement. She had decided this morning she would act like nothing had happened last night, though she's still feeling uncomfortable at the thought ofbeing around Hyde.  But hearing Jackie's voice in the living room, she wonders why Jackie would be talking to Mrs. Forman, instead of down in the basement, cooing with Michael.

"…that's nice Jackie.  By the way, did Steven get a chance to dance with anyone at the disco?" Kitty asks and giggles.

Donna suddenly realizes she's eavesdropping, although she didn't intend to. But, she doesn't move.Still standing by the kitchen door, she wonders what made Kitty ask that question.  Out of all the questions she could ask about the disco, why did she ask about Hyde – not Eric?

"Yeah, I think I saw him dancing with Donna, while I was dancing with Fez.  It was kinda weird though, cuz it seemed like all of a sudden the two of them just vanished off the dance floor…I wonder where they went to,"  Donna hears Jackie reply.

Donna leans against the wall by the phone, her hand coming up to her mouth, thinking about the kiss she and Hyde shared after they danced out of sight, while unconsciously touching her lips.

 "Well, I'm glad to see he got to dance with Donna.  I mean she is the whole reason he came to me for the dance lessons in the first place…" Kitty trails off.

"What!"  Jackie exclaims, sounding as surprised as Donna feels.

Donna doesn't hear the rest, as she moves slowly away from the door to sit at the kitchen table. She realizes she's still touching her lips, and quickly lowers her fingers to fiddle with the placemat. She's not sure what to think. It's rather endearing that Hyde had gone to all that trouble just for her, for one dance. Hyde was definitely not a guy you'd expect to see on the dance floor. But on the other hand, did he learn to dance just so he could get the chance to kiss her? He already knew that she and Eric had been kissing. Realizing she has a lot to think about, Donna slips back out the sliding door. 


	2. The Drive In

The Basement 

Eric, Fez, Hyde, and Kelso are in the basement. Eric is on the phone making a prank call on Coach Jefferson his to have a hundred bags of manure to be dropped on his front lawn as revenge for giving him a D in gym class.  In the meantime, Fez is reading a comic book about Dick Tracy, and making various comments about him being trapped in a clam.  Suddenly Kelso, who is reading the paper comes out with…

"Eric, The Omen's playing in the drive-in! You know what this means for us?... It's make-out city!"

Eric responds with, "I really like you as a friend Kelso... Can I bring a girl?"

"Yeah! Man, it's gonna be great! Horror movies turn on chicks faster than porno!"

Hyde rolls his eyes, as the depths of Kelso's stupidity never cease to amaze him.  He sarcastically responds, "Really? Faster than that!" 

"Yeah, if only somebody would make a porno horror movie!" Kelso replies, completely oblivious to the burn that Hyde just gave him.

"Oh Yeah, oh then they'd be no stopping you!" exclaims Eric, temporarily caught up in Kelso's tirade.

Suddenly Red comes down the stairs and tells Fez, that his exchange parents, the Erdmans, want him to go home…then looking at Kelso, kind of rolls his eyes and says, "Kelso, stop saying porno!"

Kelso stupidly tries to pass the buck and blame Fez, "I didn't say it Mr. Foreman, Fez did!"

Fez, looks at Kelso angrily, "You are a bitch!"

The Erdman's Living Room 

Both the Erdman's lay into Fez, telling him that he has brought the devil's music into their home, to which Fez replies, that the music is not the devil's, but Eric's.  The Erdmans go through a variety of examples, including the records backwards to prove that the music is evil, all of which only result in Fez replying, "In my language, the record just said : 'I want to sex your monkey!' Which I have never done!"

****

** Forman Kitchen**

"So Donna, I was thinking ... we should go see a movie tonight, " says Eric.

"Oh Cool, I'd love to see 'All the President's Men!'"

"Oh! Well, I actually hear that isn't very good."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Hey, I was thinking- maybe The Omen."

"Isn't that at the drive-in?"  Donna replies, a little uncertain about the prospects of going to the drive in with Eric, especially since she still hasn't talked to Hyde about what happened at the disco.  In fact, since hearing the conversation between Jackie and Mrs. Foreman about him learning to dance for her, she hasn't been able to think about much else.

"Is that at the? Yeah, no, I guess it is. So, do you wanna go?"

"Tonight? Um. Yeah, sure!" Donna says rather uncertainly.  She's not sure that she really wants to go, as she's sure Eric will try to put the moves on her…I mean it is the drive in after all.  But as Hyde seems to have forgotten all about the disco and their kiss, she decides to go for it.

Foreman's Porch/Basement 

Jackie/Donna, Eric/Kelso

 "The Omen? That's at the drive-in!" Jackie says to Donna.

"I know, I don't know what to do! I mean I really like Eric, but lately my mind's been on someone else…"

"Oooh, who?" asks Jackie, always vying for new gossip as any good cheerleader would.

Donna, looking all flustered and embarrassed, replies, "I don't wanna tell, besides I'm sure he's forgotten all about me by now."

"Someone's got a secret…" Jackie grins evilly at Donna, as though trying to find out how to get her to talk…

"Donna said yes?" Kelso asks Eric.

"Yes, though she seemed kinda uncertain about it."

Kelso, ever oblivious, replies, "Yes! Oh this is great! Me and Jackie will come with you!"

"No!  It already seemed like something was bothering her, and seeing you and Jackie getting it on won't help matters…" responds Eric, thinking that Donna hasn't seemed herself since the disco.  Perhaps he should talk to Hyde about it…

"Fine!" Kelso exclaims, "After all, Jackie and I have done it like a million times already anyway…"

Donna, in an attempt to put a stop to Jackie's questions, asks, "Will you come with Eric and I to the drive in?"

"Why?" a rather suspicious Jackie inquires.

 "You'd be like a loophole"

"Why would you need a loophole, Donna?" asks Jackie, suspiciously  "Is it because of your mystery man…?"  Suddenly Jackie remembers her discussion with Mrs. Foreman after the disco.  She starts putting two and two together in her mind…after all, both Donna and Hyde had been acting rather strangely toward each other for the past week or so.  Ever since the disco…

"No, I just want to make sure that Eric doesn't try to go too far…" a rather fidgety Donna replies.

"Okay, I'll do what I can," Jackie says, all the while thinking…Hmm…this could be interesting indeed…

**Basement**

Eric, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez are downstairs in the circle.  Fez is telling them all that he heard the devil speak in their records.  Hyde responds with various comments, tricking Fez into believing he's possessed by Satan.  During this conversation, Hyde notices that Eric is looking at him strangely, and wonders what his problem is.  Perhaps Donna told him what happened at the disco, and he's planning to give him a gigantic foot in the ass.  That would be all he needed, especially since he hasn't been able to get that night...and the kiss out of his mind all week.  Donna hadn't talked to him since, and he didn't have the slightest clue how to approach her…perhaps she'd forgotten all about it…but if she had, why was she avoiding him…  What difference does it make anyway?  She's going to the drive in with Foreman…she's already made her choice his mind taunts.  Perhaps I should just suck it up and talk to her.  Why would you do that?  You do remember how she rebuffed you the last time don't you?  Finally, Foreman looked away and he was able to temporarily forget about it, and breathe a small sigh of relief.

**Driveway**

"Alright, let's go!" exclaims Eric.

"Maybe I should go back to my house and pop some popcorn 'cause, they always overcharge…" replies a rather nervous looking Donna, all the while thinking, maybe I should just call this whole thing off.  Suddenly she sees Kelso and Jackie come up the driveway, and she smiles in relief.  Jackie was actually being a good friend for a change, and showed up as she promised.  

"Jackie and Kelso, what are you guys doing here?"

"Nothing, what are you guys doing here?" Jackie replies, smirking at Donna.  God, she thinks she's so transparent, I can see right through her.  This should be interesting indeed…

"Donna and I are going to the drive-in… remember?" Eric replies, oblivious to the obvious undercurrents between Jackie and Donna.

"Thank you Eric, we'd love to go! Michael get in the car!"  she replies, while thinking…Lord, Eric can be so ignorant at times…can't he see that Donna wants nothing more than to call the whole date off.  I mean, her relief at seeing Michael and I is so transparent…hmm…I wonder if Donna will crack about the whole thing, and reveal the whole story about what really happened at the disco, after she danced off with Hyde.  

 "But I don't…" a very clueless Kelso replies.

Either way, I'll get to make out with Michael, which is always a plus… "Get in the car!"

"Look, this isn't what we talked about at all!" Eric says to Kelso.

"I'm sorry man!  I'll take it slow, try to keep up! Wahoo! Going to the drive-in!"

**Drive-In**

**The Vista Cruiser**

Donna and Eric are in the front seat, while Jackie and Kelso are making out in the back seat.

"God! This movie even sounds gross!" says Donna, all the while thinking…Some friend Jackie is!  She's supposed to be my friend and safety net to prevent Eric from going too far, but she can't even seem to extricate herself from Kelso for one night.  Geez…did it always have to be about her?  Luckily Eric hasn't tried anything yet…I'm not sure how I would react if he did.  I mean, I like him and all, and I wish I could move forward in our relationship, but I can't seem to get Hyde out of my mind.  Has the guy somehow managed to learn mind control techniques or something?  I mean, before the disco, he was just Hyde, Eric's best friend, but now…

"That's not the movie!" Eric replies.

"Huh?" 

"The noise, it's not the movie…"

"Oh," responds a rather distracted Donna.

She quietly sighs, and wonders what Hyde's thinking now…is he thinking of her as much as she is of him?  If so, why hasn't he said anything?  Could it be because I slapped him?  What was I thinking?  Then again, at the time I didn't know how much trouble he went to in order to have just one dance with me…  Things have to be made right between us somehow…I mean we've been friends for too long…I don't want to lose that…oh why must I lie to myself…I enjoyed our kiss, far more than I should have considering I'm supposed to be seeing Eric.  That's the real reason I slapped him…I got scared, and now he won't talk to me.  Maybe, I'll just hafta scrape up what pride and guts I have left and make the first move…

"So, you guys okay up here?" Jackie pops up and inquires from the back seat.

"No! I want - popcorn and I want Eric and Kelso to go get it!" exclaims Donna.

"Oh Eric can go get it!" Kelso protests, obviously wanting to continue his make out session with Jackie without interruption.

"No! Michael, go! Get out!" says Jackie.

Eric and Kelso get out of the car, and start talking to each other outside.

"I didn't bring you here to suck Kelso's face off!" shouts Donna.

"I know. I'm sorry," a rather contrite Jackie replies.

"This is so awkward!"

"You're right and I wasn't being a very good friend!  What's going on between you and Eric?  I figured you two would be going make out crazy by now…"

"I don't know…Eric's been real nice and polite and all, but I just can't seem to get into the mood…"

"Why would that be?  Is it because of your mystery man?"  asks Jackie, looking at Donna suspiciously, thinking…Maybe she's finally ready to talk, and I can leave the drive in with some good gossip after all.  I mean, Donna's a good friend, and all, but being the lumberjack she is, it's not often you can get a good juicy story out of her…I intend to milk this for all it's worth…

"Why did you have to bring that up, Jackie?!  I told you, I didn't want to talk about it…"

"But you're obviously thinking about it…it's written all over your face," Jackie taunts.

"Fine, yeah it's about the mystery man…" sighs Donna.

"So who is he?"

"I'd rather not say, at least until I've talked to him about it, okay?" Donna replies, knowing how much of a gossip Jackie could be.  If she told her that the mystery man was Hyde, it would be all over Point Place before the night was out…something she just couldn't risk without first taking to Hyde.

"Okay, but you better tell me all the juicy details after the fact, or my lumberjack burns will be a fond memory to you…" Jackie threatens in a teasing sort of way.

"Whatever Jackie…" Donna just rolls her eyes at her friend.  God she could be annoying at times…

Kelso sticks his head back into the car and says, "Alright, about the popcorn, I need money!"

"What? I don't want popcorn! Get back in the car!" Donna exclaims.

"She doesn't know what she wants!" Kelso says, looking to Eric.

"No, Michael, Michael, no, we are gonna watch the movie with Eric and Donna!" Jackie says to Kelso, while winking at Donna.

"But I missed the beginning!" cries Kelso.

Eric tells him, "Okay, the little kid's the Devil, they have to kill him. Watch the movie!"

You can hear the movie in the background…a woman's voice screams…"Look at this Damien, it's all for you!"

Jackie, in the back seat screams, falls onto the back seat in fear and continues making out with Kelso.

Donna screaming as well, tries to hide her eyes with her hands…

"Donna, it's just a movie!" Eric replies.  "Do you wanna sit somewhere else?"

"So bad!" exclaims Donna, wanting to get out of earshot of Jackie making out with Kelso, all the while wondering…What on earth does Jackie see in that guy!

** Basement**

**Fez and Hyde**

Hyde is showing Fez how to get Eric's music past the Erdman's, by forcing an Alice Cooper album into a Pat Boone record case.  All the while, Hyde is doing his best not to think about the fact that Eric and Donna are at the drive in at that very moment…

"Okay, now this is how we sneak the devil music past Ozzie and Harriet. Observe! Alice Cooper, meet Pat Boon. Don't resist me Pat Boon! No, you're hurting me! Come on take it! O it hurts! Come on! No! Ahh!" exclaims Hyde.

That's it, Hyde decides to himself…I can't stand all this tension between Donna and I anymore…need to talk to her…tell her that the disco and this kiss didn't mean anything to me…whatever it takes to make things right between us again…I can't avoid her forever, and Foreman's already getting suspicious…

 "But what if my host parents hear it?" asks Fez.

"Then Satan commands us to kill them Fez!"  Ah hell…after what happened a foot in the ass is the least of my worries, and the very least that I deserve.  I mean, I've been friends with Foreman for like, ever…I don't know what got into me thinking I could steal his girlfriend…or was I even thinking…

 "Nooo."

"I'll tell you what, we'll use the headphones!"  Oh who am I kidding…I knew exactly what I was doing with Donna, and yet I did it anyway…I know it makes me a bad friend…but the red head has done nothing but mess with my mind the day I met her…ah hell…

"Yes!"

Drive In 

"You know the stars are really…Just forget it!" says Eric.

"What?" asks Donna.

"Nothing."

The car rocks…signifying just how comfortable Jackie and Kelso have gotten in the back seat.

"Well, Jackie and Kelso have certainly made themselves comfortable!" exclaims Eric.

"Yeah, it's a roomy car!" responds Donna, a bit sickened by what's clearly going on inside the car.

"Yeah it is, you know the bench seat of  the VistaCruiser…" Eric replies, leaning in to kiss her.

Donna backs away.

Eric looks at her oddly, "Donna, what's the matter?  I thought when you agreed to go to the drive in with me…" Eric trails off.

"I'm sorry, Eric…I'm guess I'm just not ready for the drive in," Donna says contritely.

"I guess that's okay," Eric replies a bit sulkily, "But has something been bothering you?  You haven't seemed the same ever since the disco last week, and you haven't talked to Hyde since.  Did he say something that upset you?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, okay Eric?  I promise to tell you about it soon, but could you just let it go for now?" Donna pleads.

"Okay…" Eric reluctantly agrees.

"Thank you," Donna replies, and gives him a hug.

Erdman's Living Room 

Hyde and Fez are wearing headphones listening music.  Fez is mumbling along with a rock song.

Mrs. Erdman comes in.

Hyde sings, "Raindrops keep falling on my head…."

Mrs. Erdman looks at him, smiles and leaves out the front door.  Fez proceeds to get back into the song.

"This loud music will not damage my hearing?" Fez shouts.

"No, it's good for ya!" exclaims Hyde.

**Later that night**

**Forman basement**

Donna sneaks into the dining room, and heads to the basement.  She knows Hyde will be there as usual, as he'd been having a lot of problems with his mom lately, and she finally pulls together all her courage and decides to go downstairs and tell him everything…

Hyde is sitting on the couch in the basement, thinking about the fact that he will probably have to listen to Foreman rant all day tomorrow all the suave make out techniques that him and Donna tried at the drive in and tried not to be sick…

Suddenly he hears a noise coming from up the stairs…thinking it would be Eric, and that he wouldn't even get a reprieve till morning he grabs a pillow and puts it over his head, trying to fake sleep…"Hyde…" he hears a female voice whisper…"are you awake?"  Damn, it would have to be her wouldn't it…just suck it up and talk to her…

He pulls the pillow off his face and sighs, "Yeah…"

"We need to talk…"


	3. Thanksgiving

**Well here's my attempt at the Thanksgiving episode rewrite.  I would like to extend my thanks of M3 for helping me put these stories together, as well as everyone who has read and reviewed.  Makes all the hard work worthwhile.  **

**Point Place, Wisconsin**

**November 24th , 1976**

**3:45 pm **

**THE BUS STATION**

It's the day before Thanksgiving and it's freezing outside the bus station. Eric shivers and hugs himself to keep warm while the family waits for Laurie's bus to arrive. Kitty won't let them go inside the station to wait - the people in there are unsavory. Red won't let them sit in the car - it will waste gas. Eric starts to argue but Kitty changes the subject. 

"Oh Eric, I forgot to tell you. Your sister's bringing a friend home, so you'll be sleeping in the basement." Kitty nervously looks around, missing the outrage on Eric's face. 

Kitty drops another bomb, this time on her husband. "Oh, and Red, I've been thinking. Maybe this Thanksgiving, we should skip the big turkey. Small ones are on sale at Piggly-Wiggly," Eric begins to argue about the basement, and Red begins to argue about chickens and his mother. 

Red, realizing he's getting nowhere with Kitty, settles both issues in his usual blunt way, finishing it off with a spectacularly grumpy "and we're all having a happy damn Thanksgiving!" 

Laurie emerges from the station before Eric can do more than pout, and introduces her friend, Kate, to everyone. They quickly head for the station wagon, the rest of the family missing Kate's flirting with Eric. Suddenly, it's not quite so cold outside.

**THE DRIVEWAY**

Red orders Eric to get Kate set up in his bedroom, and Laurie can't resist a burn about his G.I. Joe dolls. Eric burns her back, but forgets all about Laurie when Kate informs him quietly that she sleeps practically naked. "I hope it's not cold tonight." 

Midge appears in the driveway to chat about the holiday. Kitty begins to get worked up about Red's mother coming to visit, and Midge confides that she and Bob take bubble baths when he gets tense. Kitty imagines a soapy Bob in a tub and shudders. For once she's glad to hear that her mother-in-law is on the phone, and quickly walks away from a clueless Midge.

**THE HUB**

The gang was gathered around Eric in the HUB, waiting to hear the details about Kate, Laurie's college friend. _Fez is going to pout about missing a conversation like this, Hyde thinks, smiling to himself. _

"So this Kate, is she hot?" he asks Eric. 

"Of course she's hot. All college girls are hot. I mean we've all seen the brochures, right?" replies Kelso, not realizing that Hyde was directing the question to Eric. 

Hyde just rolls his eyes at his ignorant friend. _What a fantasy world Kelso lives in, man._

"Okay, Donna, help me play some music, right now." Jackie interrupts, trying to get Donna away from the guys. She really wants to ask her what she thinks of the whole Kate situation. The girls head to the jukebox, away from the table, to talk. 

Waiting until the girls were out of earshot, Hyde repeats, "So, she's hot." 

"Oh, so hot!" responds Eric. 

"Okay, are you okay?" Jackie asks her red headed friend. She wonders how Donna is taking this latest incident, especially after the whole drive-in drama this past week. She tried to question Donna about what happened to her mystery man, but so far her lumberjack friend had managed to dodge all her questions. 

"Umm, yeah." Donna replies, not sure what Jackie is actually asking about. _Somehow the thought of Kate staying in Eric's room didn't bother her as much as she thought it would. She starts thinking about the conversation she had with Hyde after the drive in a few days ago._

Jackie interrupts Donna's thoughts. "Donna, how can you be okay? There's a college woman sleeping in his bed!" 

Donna shrugs and flips through the jukebox titles, but Jackie won't let up, as usual. "This wouldn't have anything to do with your mystery man would it? The one that you've been avoiding talking to me about all week?" Jackie stares at her with that stubborn mule look, so Donna asks for a dime, to distract the little pit bull. 

As Jackie digs through her purse, Donna's thoughts go back to Hyde. _People were starting to get suspicious, Eric included. We've been friends for far too long to have Eric confront Hyde about this. It would totally blow up, Hyde could break Eric like a twig, and nothing would ever be the same in the group. Hyde had refused to apologize for The Kiss and Donna didn't press it. But for her part, she refused to admit that she actually enjoyed both the kiss and the dance. **I** started this thing with Eric, and for the good of the group and our friendships I have to ignore any random Hyde feelings._ _Luckily, Hyde seemed to feel the same way. I wonder what I would have said if he hadn't let it go and didn't agree to forget about it. And Jackie is staring at me **again!**_ Donna took the dime her friend was holding out to her and picked the first song her fingers landed on. 

Jackie saw Donna's eyes glaze over as she pretended to pick a song and realizes her friend was thinking about Mystery Man again. _I already know that it's Hyde,_ Jackie thinks to herself. _I just wish we could talk about it._ Whatever had happened at the disco seems to have been patched up, but they did seem a little cozier than they had before. There were looks, smiles, little comments back and forth. _I can't believe Eric hasn't noticed. He's probably basking in the glory of having a girlfriend finally, and can't even see the most obvious threat! Jackie rolled her eyes. "Um, back to Eric and the slutty girl? And your mystery man?" she prompted. _

"He's sleeping in the basement," Donna replies, pretending to look for another song. _But why aren't I bothered by this slutty girl? Eric is supposed to be my boyfriend, I think, so I should be upset. "And as far as my mystery man's concerned, I know I promised to tell you everything, but there's nothing to tell. We talked and decided its best for us to remain friends." __Except I'm still thinking about him, Donna's mind taunts. _

 "Donna, stairs are not going to stop a high school horn dog. Barbed wire will not stop a high school horn dog. A wall of fire will not…" Jackie replies, but trails off mid tirade as she realizes that Donna just accidentally revealed some important information. "Your mystery man is a friend??" She tries to pretend that this is news to her, widening her eyes. "Well, I'll just tuck that bit of information away. I mean how many guys can a lumberjack like you keep around?" Donna glared down at her. "Um, no offense, of course, I'm just saying that… You spend most of your time with the guys in the basement." _Oh crap, that was wrong,_ Jackie panicked to herself. "And you seriously need a makeover, Jackie style." _Maybe if I piss her off enough, she won't catch on that I know, and she'll let something else slip, and then I can play Nancy Drew and reveal the entire plot! _

"Jackie!" exclaims a rather enraged Donna. "Don't you think that was taking it a bit far?" 

Judging by the look on Donna's face, her plan was working. "I'm sorry, it's just that you're clearly not over this guy, yet you keep avoiding the topic. I'm your best friend, Donna! You can't blame me for wanting some girl talk," Jackie responds defensively. _It is so obvious that Donna cares about Hyde, whether they are 'just friends' or not. Whatever they discussed, it's not over, not by far. And Nancy Drew is on the case! "Plus, who else are you going to confide in? Certainly not one of those guys!" _

Both girls turn and look at the guys back at their table, who were still smirking about Kate's hotness and her staying in Eric's room. Kelso makes a particularly nasty innuendo, which results in Eric frogging him in the arm. "Owww. That hurt!" Kelso cries out in pain. 

Donna raises an eyebrow at Jackie. "I see your point. But there's nothing to confide, we're friends and that's that," she responds wistfully. 

"I don't think that's quite true," replies Jackie. 

"Jackie, it doesn't matter. I'm with Eric, and he's got a skanky college girl staying in his room." Donna tries to make it sound like she's upset. _Jackie will never leave me alone if I don't at least act pissed off at Eric. But… for some reason, I don't really mind. And that's probably not the right response._

Jackie sniffed. "If I were you, I'd tell him to order the skank out of his room. That sort of thing always works with Michael." She was watching Michael, rubbing his arm yet again before he started in on Eric. _God, he never learns, no matter how many times he gets smacked._ She rolls her eyes and turns back to Donna, "And when you're ready to talk about the mystery man, remember I'm here okay?" she adds in a nicer tone. _I want some juicy gossip but the lumberjack holds out on me yet again. Well, I'm sure she'll slip eventually, and I'll be here to listen. _

Donna realizes that she had been staring at Hyde back at the table. "Um, yeah, okay Jackie," she replies, trying to get her friend to back off. "Well, I'm done here with the music so…" They headed back to the table, Donna missing the fact that Jackie was staring at Hyde as well. 

"So what do you guys wanna do?" she asks, inadvertently looking at Hyde. Donna forces her gaze away, focuses on Eric and smiles brightly. _OK, not too obvious there, Donna,_ she chides herself, _Let's stare a little bit more, why don't we? _

Eric stares down at the ketchup on his plate, which suddenly looks like Kate. "Eric, I hope it doesn't get too cold tonight. I sleep practically naked," says Kate/ketchup. Kelso dunks a fry in his ketchup, abruptly ending Eric's fantasy. 

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm just gonna, just gonna, I'm tuckered out, so… I might as well go home!" a rather panicked Eric replies and runs out of the Hub. 

**ERIC'S BEDROOM**   

Later That Night

Kate is sitting on Eric's bed playing with his GI Joes when someone knocks on the door.

"Come in!" Kate calls.

Eric walks in and stops. "Wow," is all he can manage to say, seeing Kate in her thin nightie, lounging across his bed. His bed, where no woman has gone before. And certainly no woman in a thin, lacy little nightie. 

"What?" asks Kate, playing innocent. 

"Um, I was just coming up here to get something to sleep in. So, I, I guess I'll see you later." He turns towards the door. 

"You can stay and talk a minute if you want." She smiles and puts the action figures down. 

"Okay." 

"Close the door." 

Eric does so, and turns back around saying, "Okay. So, Kate. That's short for Katherine, right?" She smiles at him, giving all the right signals. 

Eric manages to walk across the room without tripping and sits beside her on the bed. 

"So, have you thought about where you wanna go to school yet?" Kate asks him. 

"Oh. Well, I like your school. I found that it was really…" 

Kate cuts Eric off by abruptly kissing him. Eric starts to pull her down onto the bed but she breaks the kiss. 

"I have to go to bed now." Kate says, throwing Eric completely off balance. 

"Wait, we are in bed. Oh. Okay I see." Eric says looking disappointed. 

He starts to get up, then changing his mind sits down again. 

"Okay," he says. 

"So, goodnight." 

"Goodnight." He doesn't move. 

"Eric." All the girly sexy signals are gone now! 

"Could just… one second…" Eric needs to cool down and beings to run through a mental list of non sexual images… _baseball, Vietnam, Richard Nixon, Pat Nixon, Pat Boone, the girl that gives the weather, no, no. Okay, jellyfish, really big spiders, come on, dig deep, dig deep, okay, the day we backed over Skipper in the driveway. Instead of going to the county fair, I had to bury him in the backyard_.  
  
Finally he speaks again, his voice a little high, "Okay. I'm good and goodnight," Eric stands and leaves his room. ****

**THE BASEMENT**

The next day

The guys are in the basement, sitting in the circle. 

"So you made out with a college girl?" Fez says to Eric. 

"Kinda." 

"Start talking." Hyde replies. _If he's done anything to hurt Donna, I'll give him a foot so far up the ass he won't know where it ends and he begins. Whoa, where did that come from? he asks himself. He considered the matter closed between him and Donna. She'd shown up to talk the night after her drive-in date with Eric. Hyde had told her he would not apologize for kissing her, and she… _She didn't seem to mind._ They decided it would be best if they were just friends. __Donna didn't say it, and I didn't have the nerve, but I know she kissed Eric after the Rundgren concert. She made her choice. So why wasn't he convinced? _

"Tell it like a story, like a sexy story," Kelso was saying to Eric when Hyde started paying attention to the group again. 

"Okay, she like jammed her entire tongue into my mouth and you wouldn't think a girl had like that much tongue," Eric replies in a tone of awe. He didn't notice Hyde giving him a disgusted look. 

"That is great!" replies Kelso, just about falling off his chair. 

"Oh, oh yeah," Eric looks dejected. 

"OK, What?" Hyde asks, still looking angry, but trying to maintain his zen-like composure. _Damn, man, Eric can be such an idiot. He's got the perfect girlfriend and he screws it up by kissing one of his sister's slutty friends. Hyde shook his head and took a deep breath. He handed something over to Kelso. _Meanwhile, here I sit wanting to pound one of my best friends because he's hurting the only girl I've ever cared about. What am I thinking?_ _

"I don't know, I feel kinda guilty. Almost like dirty." Eric coughed and passed something to Fez. 

Hyde was staring at Eric now, but Eric was staring at the posters behind Fez. _I thought Donna and I were good. We're friends. Just friends. Normally, I'd encourage Eric to screw up so it'd all blow up and Donna would pound him and I'd laugh… But after dancing with her… Holding her and looking into her eyes…_ Fez was nudging him to take something. He passed it on to Kelso without even thinking. 

"Dirty is good," says Kelso in a lewd sort of way, before erupting into giggles. 

"I like feeling dirty," responds Fez. _Man, is Fez really that innocent? Or is he just pretending? This circle really messes with your mind._ Hyde raises an eyebrow at Fez and is about to ask when Eric interrupts.

"No, no, I mean I feel bad. Look, I think I gotta tell Donna." Eric looks a little sick. _We should cut him off, before he does something really stupid, Hyde thinks. _

Instead, the anger kicks in. "Really, well, on behalf of men everywhere…" Hyde trails off as he stands up, reaches across the table and slaps Eric. "If you tell her, you're only gonna hurt her man." _I should have slapped him harder_, Hyde thinks and begins to reach out again. 

"Oww. That hurt!" exclaims Eric. "Besides, what makes you care so much all of a sudden? You thrive on this sort of thing… I screw up, get yelled at, you're happy." He was rubbing his cheek. 

Hyde looks at the rock posters guiltily, but doesn't respond. _Damn,_ he thinks to himself, _Eric finally quit being suspicious about the disco and I had to go and blow it by lashing out at him._ He flexed his hand under the table, still feeling the sting from the slap. _But man, he deserved it! It's bad enough that he kissed some skanky college girl behind Donna's back, but to see him hurt her by telling her is more than I can take…_ Hyde manages to look up at Eric, who seems to have recovered and is accepting something from Kelso's outstretched hand. There's a mark on Eric's face, though.

Kelso, lost in his own thoughts missed the whole confrontation between Hyde and Eric and comes out with, "Yeah man, the right thing to do is to juggle them both until it all blows up in your face." 

Everyone just looks at Kelso, disgusted. _What a ****ing moron. Why are we friends with him again? _Hyde opens his mouth for a rebuttal to Kelso's stupidity, but Eric speaks first. 

"I know you think it's a bad idea to tell her Hyde, but you guys just don't understand. I can't hide anything. The minute she looks at me, she's gonna know," says Eric. He even manages to mix 'scared' in with 'worry' on his face. 

Donna chooses that moment to come down the stairs_. _

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Donna asks. 

"I kissed a girl," Eric confesses in a rush. 

Hyde, Fez, and Kelso get up and toss various insults and dirty looks at Eric. Hyde pauses for a second as he passes by Donna and gives her a pitying look. Then the three of them leave, giving Eric and Donna some time alone to talk. 

"You what?" Donna exclaims angrily._ OK, being in the same house with a college slut is one thing, but kissing someone is totally different!_

"You know that friend my sister brought home from college?" 

"The slutty one." Donna replies. _Please please don't tell me Jackie was right about this. Eric, please do not tell me you… _

"Yeah, um, I kissed her," Eric says contritely. 

_… kissed the slut. _"Why are you telling me this?"_ And why am I less angry and more disappointed?_, Donna questions herself. _Maybe it's because I did the same thing with Hyde? _

_Yeah, but that's not the same thing, I mean it's not like **I kissed Hyde or anything. He initiated it, so why should I have to feel guilty? **_

Eric's voice brings her back to the present. "…I, I feel guilty because it was like **really kissing." **

"So, what we do isn't really kissing?" Donna replies, a bit angry at what Eric seemed to be implying. _You should be happy I kiss you at all you lying little twerp! _

"I thought you should know considering that you and I have a thing. Right?" 

"Well, obviously we don't have a thing if you're running around kissing slutty girls **right?" Donna threw back at him. **

"Okay, you're mad," says Eric anxiously. 

"Mad, no. Why should I be mad, in fact, you can kiss whatever you want. Start with your own butt!" Donna replies, and storms out of the basement. She was well on her way up the kitchen stairs before she realized she was muttering out loud. Donna stopped for a moment, clenched her teeth, and continued her angry stomp and inner thoughts. 

**FORMAN KITCHEN**

Red, Fez, Kelso, and Hyde are sitting at the table talking. 

"Why are you here? Why are you always here? It's Thanksgiving, don't you have families?" asks Red, exasperated. 

"Ugh!" the guys reply, thinking of their families. _I doubt Edna even knows it's a holiday,_ Hyde thinks to himself. _And I know that Fez's foster parents don't want him to celebrate their holiday, him being a foreigner makes him unable to grasp the concept. Kelso probably doesn't even know where he is, let alone what day it is._

Donna walks right by everyone without a word. 

Hyde takes a look at her as she's walking away. "Donna, you wanna talk?" he asks, wondering about her look earlier, and wanting to apologize about the way Eric was treating her. 

She utters a simple, "No, it's okay," and leaves. _OK, that was sweet. And so not Hyde-like. He always seems to have a soft spot where I'm concerned,_ she realizes. She is thinking again about how he learned to dance for her… Thinking again of the kiss… She puts her fingers to her lips as she heads home. 

 _Jackie was right, Eric is a whore. It must run in the family, Whore Laurie brought Whore Kate home to meet Whore Eric. Whore Eric who was supposed to be my boyfriend, my **loyal boyfriend. Hyde wouldn't pull that crap. He wouldn't kiss some slut if we were going out. Hyde actually cared about me.**_ She stopped suddenly in the driveway, and turned back to face the kitchen. _Maybe I should…_ Donna looked at Hyde, who was standing staring into an open refrigerator. Suddenly, as if he knew he was being watched, he looked up and out the glass patio doors right at her. He seemed angry and disappointed, but kept her gaze. _Eric needs a taste of his own medicine. I should tell him about the disco. Hyde looked away first as Fez came over to stand beside him and take a pudding cup. Donna turned back to her house. _

**PINCIOTTI'S KITCHEN**   

_Hyde isn't a slut, and that's not why he kissed me. But I still didn't tell Eric about it. Does that make **me the slut?**_ Donna found her mother in the kitchen, and slumped down in a chair next to her at the table. 

"Sweetie, what's wrong? You know your father doesn't like people to be unhappy on his favorite holiday!" Midge reached over and tucked a strand of long red hair behind Donna's ear. 

"Nothing." Donna replied. She wished she could have some privacy for once. But Midge just went back to her coffee, lost in her own thoughts. 

_It's different with Hyde,_ Donna stared into space. _Kate is a slut. Eric is a slut. But how can I even get mad at Eric when I did almost the same thing? And how about the fact that since it happened I can't stop thinking about it? And how about the fact that I've wanted nothing more than for Hyde to kiss me again? I told him I wanted to remain friends so we didn't screw up our group of friends, but I just can't forget the fact that he learned to dance… for me… _Donna wished she could ask someone about all this, and glanced over at her mother. No. She couldn't tell her mother. Donna almost picked up the phone to call Jackie. But that would mean she'd have to tell the bossy little midget about the Disco. And she didn't want to share that yet. _It's like a happy, confusing little secret. _

"What the hell!" Donna exclaimed out loud, smacking the table and startling Midge. 

**FORMAN KITCHEN**

"I guess Donna didn't take it very well," says Kelso, still sitting at the Forman kitchen table. 

"Take what well?" asks Red, frowning at Kelso. 

"Eric made out with Kate." 

Red's eyebrows shot up. "Anything else?" 

"Your son is a whore!" interjects Fez, struggling to open a pudding cup. "Oooh, chocolate!" 

Fez leaves the kitchen with his pudding, Kelso and Hyde close behind just as Eric comes in. Hyde gives Eric a dirty look as he leaves, which no one notices. 

"Eric, now Donna came through here looking very upset. Would you have any idea what that's about?" Red asks Eric, keeping his tone mild. 

"I have no idea. She seemed fine when we - um, you already know." The look on Red's face spoke volumes. He was going to start yelling. 

"Of course I know. Donna is such a sweet kid. How could you do this to her?" Surprisingly, Red really sounded more disappointed than mad. Which was even scarier. 

Eric stammered, thinking of a response that wouldn't trigger yelling. "I don't know. It seems like bad things are always happening to me, like I have bad luck or something." 

"Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass. Now fix it!" 

**PINCIOTTI'S KITCHEN **

Donna and Midge are sitting frowning down at the kitchen table when Eric bursts in. 

"Look, Donna, um, can we talk?" Eric asks. 

"I'll leave you two alone." Midge replies, and she gets up to leave. 

"No. You should stay. We don't have secrets in our house, we don't sneak on each other like a little horny rat, kissing other girls," Donna retorts. Though the actual incident didn't bother her as much as she thought it should, she was still mad at Eric for doing this to her. Their relationship wasn't off to as good of a start as they had hoped if he's kissing other girls. _Now I almost wish that I didn't stop Hyde at a simple peck… Why should I feel guilty, I mean if Eric's going to be making out with other girls, why can't I do the same with guys? I wonder what the kiss might've been like if I hadn't stopped it… _

"Look, Donna, please come to my house for Thanksgiving desert. Everyone's gonna be there, you always come. Please don't let some stupid thing that I did wreck that." Eric says, breaking Donna's chain of thought. 

Donna raises an eyebrow at him. "Well, I can't depend on you, so why should you be able to depend on me?" she sniped back. 

"Look, Donna, please, okay, I'm really sorry, and I feel really bad." Eric says, remorse showing all over his face. 

"Good!" _It took him long enough to apologize__._

Eric leaves the house, dejection evident in every part of his body. Donna slams the door after he walks out. 

"Poor thing!" Midge says, looking at the door. 

"Mom!" exclaims Donna, surprised her Mom would take Eric's side. _If only I could tell her about the kiss from Hyde…_

"Oh you, of course I meant you!" Midge cries, looking apologetically at her daughter. 

**FORMAN DINING ROOM **

Red, Kitty, Eric, and Laurie are sitting at the dinner table preparing to eat their Thanksgiving dinner. As they get started, Kitty comments that she can't seem to help thinking she's forgetting something. Suddenly, the phone rings, and realization dawns on Kitty's face. "Oh. My. God." 

She takes the phone from Laurie and puts on a smile, "Hello Mother Forman! No, I didn't forget you! Oh, I don't know, the kids left a half hour ago to pick you up. I can't imagine what's keeping them." She hits the table in frustration, and sends Eric and Laurie scrambling out the door to pick up her mother-in-law. 

**LATER **

The kids have returned, but Mother Forman is nowhere to be seen. Red prompts Laurie, who explains that grandma is going to Cousin Joe's for Thanksgiving. She lights up a cigarette as Red smiles, anticipating a nice quiet holiday without his mother's complaining. Eric adds that, "Grandma told us to enjoy ourselves." Kitty spouts off about kissing some old woman's ass on her holiday and starts dishing out the food. The phone begins ringing again, but the family is ordered to ignore it. 

**FORMAN LIVING ROOM**

Some time after dinner, Donna reluctantly goes over to the Foreman's with her father. While Red and Bob are comparing feasts and turkey sizes, Donna attempts to talk to Eric. 

"Hey Donna, I'm so glad you came," says Eric. 

"Only came because my mom made me. Okay?" Donna replied, still looking miffed. 

Hyde walks in with two plates of pie. "Hey Donna, alright, good to see you! Got you some pie!" he says, hoping to cut the tension a bit between her and Eric. _OK, did that sound desperate? I hope that wasn't too happy-sounding. Ah hell, who cares. _

"I don't want any stupid pie." Donna spits out at him. Not knowing how to retract the retort without suspicion, Donna just gets up with a dirty look on her face, and stalks past the boys. _I really shouldn't be taking my anger at Eric out on Hyde. He's been nothing but nice to me, despite everything that's happened, despite our conversation about being friends… _

"What, I didn't kiss her!" Hyde exclaims defensively. Eric runs after Donna, leaving Hyde holding the extra piece of pie. _I **wouldn't have kissed her, either!**_ He looks down at the pie. _Dumbass. _

"Hey there Bob, you wanna piece of pie?" asks Hyde. 

Bob looks at it and unzips his pants a bit more. "Oh yeah."

**PINCIOTTI'S KITCHEN**

Donna enters her kitchen and slams the door behind her for a second time today. Luckily, her mother was at the Forman's house this time. She takes off her coat and throws it on a chair. Eric follows right behind her, re-slamming the door. 

"Hey Donna…" Eric says, in a tough guy macho voice. 

"Hey, don't get all tough with me!" 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah!" 

Eric breaks down and looks contrite, "Okay, sure. No look, we need to talk." 

"I'll start, get out!" Donna raises her voice. _I should have done this earlier,_ she thinks to herself. 

"What do you want me to say? I already apologized. You just wanna forget about us because I kissed some girl?"

"Why did you do it?" That was all Donna really wanted to know. She was having problems deciding how angry to be and about what, exactly. If Eric was her boyfriend, then she should be plenty pissed. But if she was having second thoughts about Eric, then she should be less pissed. But then again, if Eric _thought_ he was her boyfriend, he definitely should not be kissing other girls. Either way, he still went behind her back, and that hurt. The kiss with Hyde was different, they were friends, and they fixed it. Eric, however, bragged like a damn pig about what he had done. And that was worth getting angry about.

"Well, I have on pretty good authority that I'm a dumbass," explains Eric. 

"So, you liked it?" Donna asked. She didn't really want to know, but some part of her needed an answer to that question. 

"Yeah, I liked it," responds Eric. 

"No would've been a better answer." _He should have had the sense to deny having enjoyed it,_ Donna thought. _But I guess, I do have to give him some credit for being honest._

"Donna, look, that kiss was great and if I could take it back, I would because it's not worth ruining what you and I have." Eric says pleadingly and honestly. 

"Eric, you are a dumbass!" _Yeah, but at least he has the guts to be honest, even if I don't like what he has to say. Maybe I should give this relationship a try… Everyone already thinks we're the perfect couple. It's all I've heard since we were like, five. And he's kind of doofy and adorable, especially when he looks as panicked as he does right now. From now on, I have to put Hyde, the dance, the kiss, everything out of my head. I picked Eric, now I have to follow-through. _

"So is that like I forgive you dumbass, or get out of my house you dumbass." Eric asks. The pause was taking longer than he was comfortable with. 

"Oh, I'll say the first one." Donna replies. _I'll give it a serious shot this time. Everyone thinks it's meant to be. That has to mean something, right?_

Eric gets close to Donna and kisses her. The kiss grows stronger, and Donna holds onto him. Suddenly the thought of Hyde pops into her head. _I wonder how Hyde would kiss if I gave him a chance._ Remembering her promise to herself just five seconds ago, she pushes those thoughts from her mind and continues to kiss Eric. 

Finally they break apart. "Wow! Tongue!" Donna is impressed. _I didn't think Eric was up to tongue yet! That's such a Hyde thing to do… Damn it. Not again._

"Oh yeah. Okay well, let's go to desert," Eric says happily, oblivious to the fight going on in Donna's mind. 

Donna forces her mind to clear, and follows Eric back over to his house… 


	4. Sunday, Bloody Sunday

POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN 

**OCTOBER 23, 1976**

**9:37 PM**

**ERIC FORMAN'S DRIVEWAY**

The guys and Donna are playing HORSE in the driveway, while Jackie stands off to the side and watches.  Donna passes the ball to Kelso, who misses the shot. 

 "Damn!" he says.  

Hyde comments that Kelso missed yet another shot and is now up to H-O-R.  

In response to this, Fez says, "Oh, you are a whore." 

Kelso looks at him, rolls his eyes, and says, "No, the game is horse."

"Oh."

Fez moves farther away from Kelso, and Hyde gives him the ball.

At this point, Jackie says that she going to go home to do her homework, amidst various insults and jokes about her doing her homework on a Saturday night.  Eric also informs her that he's putting off working on a thousand-word term paper, which is due Monday, as he's got a whole crappy Sunday to do it.  Kelso tries to get her to stay by saying that Steve Martin will be hosting Saturday Night.  Jackie responds to this by saying she hates the show, as they show fake commercials, which make her want to buy their fictional products, and prepares to leave.  Hyde, Donna, and Eric look at her, and wave furiously while saying, "Bye Bye Bye".  Hyde sneaks a side-glance in Donna's direction, with a wistful look on his face, which she misses.  Jackie tells them to shut up and leaves.

After she's gone, Hyde says, "Kelso, Jackie does her homework on Saturday night. That's so hip!"

Kelso responds with, "Guess I don't have to worry about Jackie anymore  'cause I'm breaking up with her."  Everyone only responds to this by looking at him and rolling their eyes.

Finally Eric says, "We are so tired of hearing you say that!"

"No, I am, I'm breaking up with her," replies a rather adamant Kelso.

"Yeah, when?" Hyde responds with derision.

"I'm picking my moment," says Kelso.

At this point, Eric looks around the driveway.  "Hey, where's Fez?" he asks.

We finally see that Fez has went into the backyard.  He shoot the ball and scores, then yells, "Make that shot whore!"

FORMAN KITCHEN 

****

Eric, Red, and Kitty are preparing to eat breakfast.  Kitty makes a comment about the waffles being extra delicious this morning, which prompts Eric to ask if she's quit smoking again.  She admits to it, saying she should have quit a long time ago, as she's a nurse, and should know better.  The phone rings then and Red picks it up.  He has a short conversation with whoever is on the phone and hangs up.  Kitty asks who was on the phone, and Red says it was his mother.  Apparently his Uncle Paul broke his ankle, so she was going to church with them that day.  Kitty gets upset about this, and tries to find any excuse not to take her, but Red keeps insisting that they have to take her.  Kitty responds by going to the freezer, taking out the ham that was cooking, and putting the chicken in instead, complaining that she needs to do this as Red's mother hates her ham.  Red tries to placate her by saying that he'll just call his mother and tell her that they can't make it.  She says that they can't do that because his mother will only blame her.  Eric tries to restore the family peace by offering to say that he's sick or something so they have an excuse not to have to take her.  All Kitty says to this is for him to go upstairs and put on the shirt that his grandmother made for him, which is only contradicted by Red who says Kitty's acting ridiculous.  To which Kitty says, "You know what's ridiculous is giving your mother our phone number."  Red starts to get angry at this point and starts to say something, but is cut off by Eric, who says, "Hold it! Hold it! Ho - hold it. Now look, let's just stay calm. Mom, if it'll help you out, I'll hang out with Grandma so she'll leave you alone. What do you say?"  Red responds by saying, "Well, first of all Eric, I'm the one who says hold it. When you pay the bills, you get to say hold it. Now get in the car. 'Cause we're going to church and we're gonna have a damn nice Sunday."  As they are leaving the house, Kitty says, "Well you're damn right,"  Eric follows them out saying, "Damn," as well.

GRANDMA'S DRIVEWAY 

****

Kitty and Red are waiting for Eric to bring his grandmother out to the Toyota.  Eric and Grandma Bernice come out of the house, and Eric opens the car door for her.  She gets in, and Eric shuts the door, and Bernice screams.  Eric gets a bit panicked and opens the car door, to which Bernice replies that it was only her dress that got closed in the door and pulls it into the car.  Eric very carefully shuts the door.  Kitty tries to make small talk with Bernice, while she comments about how she hates their car, and how Red's brother, Jerry has a much nicer car and makes more money.  Red only responds to this by saying, "Alrighty then," though he's looking pretty irritated at this point.  Bernice then comments how she heard that Kitty quit smoking.  Kitty confirms this happily, while a rather inconsiderate Bernice lights up a cigarette.  "Well good for you," Bernice says, while turning and blowing smoke rings right into Kitty's face.

THE CHURCH 

****

The Pastor is at the point in the service where he encourages a moment of silence, meditation, and prayer.  Everyone stands up and prepares to pray.  We hear the Forman's various thoughts…

Kitty, nervously:  _Dear God. Thank you so much for helping me quit such a filthy, disgusting, soothing, delicious habit, oh god I can't do this, no no! I'm fine! Amen._

Bernice, scornfully:  _Dear God, what's with all the poor folks?_

Eric, looking rather panicked:  _Dear God, I don't mean to bother you on your day off, but, I promised to help out with Grandma, and I have a term paper due tomorrow, so if you could either, get her to leave early today, or burn down the school tomorrow…I mean, either or! God's choice. It'd really help me out, man. God. Lord. Uh, amen._

Red, while rolling his eyes:  _Dear Lord, would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season? Amen. Oh, and uh, watch over my loving family, blah, blah, blah…_

THE BASEMENT 

Hyde is sitting on his chair, and Donna and Kelso are on the couch.  Jackie is on the back of the couch and Fez is on a tricycle, rolling back and forth across the floor.

A voice on the TV says, "Welcome to Worship for shut-ins."

Kelso, looking rather bored, says, "Change it."

Fez changes the channel, but a bowling show is on.

"Alright, change that." Hyde says, with a smirk in his voice.

Fez changes the channel again.

"How did we change channels before Fez?" Donna asks.

"I don't think we did." Kelso replies.

At this point Eric comes down the stairs, saying he has to work on his term paper.  Donna asks him where his grandma is, and makes her hand into a claw, imitating a wild beast.  Eric says she's in the bathroom, so he should have twenty minutes to half an hour to finish his paper.  Donna asks him what the assignment is, and he tells her that it's supposed to be a thousand word essay on the 3 branches of the government and their functions, and sighs saying he'll never make it.  Donna suggest he go back upstairs and tell everyone that he has homework to do, but Eric says he can't do that as he wants to keep peace in the family.  Hyde responds to this by saying he wants the Hallmark card family. 

"The what?" asks Eric.

"You know, Grandma comes over…" says Hyde, and a fantasy sequence begins.

Kitty, Bernice, and Red are in a 'Just For You' card, sitting on the couch.  Hyde is talking for them.

"To my mother in law this beautiful Sunday. Your smiling face, your kind embrace, have made my home a happy place," says Kitty/Hyde.

Bernice/Hyde continues, "And I'm so happy you're the one to whom I gave my loving son."

"And I'm so happy you're both happy, 'cause otherwise life would be crappy." Red/Hyde finishes.

The fantasy sequence fades out and we are back in the basement.

Eric looks at Hyde and says defensively, "I don't want that."

"Yeah you do. I can see it in those wide, hopeful eyes. But the reality is this," replies Hyde.

The fantasy sequence fades back in.

Bernice/Hyde starts, "To my daughter in law. You took my son."

"You wrecked my life." Kitty/Hyde continues.

To which Bernice/Hyde replies, "You stole my youth."

"You hate my wife, says Red/Hyde, looking at his mother scornfully.

Kitty/Hyde continues, "I do my best."

"Well, that's a joke," retorts Bernice/Hyde.

"I'm going out," says Red/Hyde, as he gets up to leave.

Kitty/Hyde looks at Red leaving, "I need a smoke."

The sequence fades out again, and we are back in the basement as Red is coming down the stairs angrily, looking for Eric.

"Damn it Eric, quit hiding from your grandmother. She's old, she could die, now move it." Red says.

"I thought she was in the bathroom!" exclaims Eric.

"False alarm."

Red turns and goes back upstairs.  

Donna looks at Eric, "Look. Go take care of your grandmother, we can do this."  All the while she's thinking that if Eric were only more mature, he wouldn't find himself in this predicament. Though she also found it sort of sweet of him to help his parents by entertaining his grandmother.  She takes his binder, and he heads upstairs.

After he's gone, Kelso inquires about how many words Eric has so far.  Donna tells him that he has his name, date, and the class, a total of seven.  Hyde looks at her, rolls his eyes about having to bail Foreman out his homework, and says he's screwed.  Donna looks at him, sighs, and agrees.  Kelso out of nowhere says, "Use his middle name."  Jackie makes a comment about this being the reason she does her homework on Saturday.  Hyde just says, "This is a moment Kelso. Pick it!"   Jackie continues, "I think you all could learn something from me right now."  "Moment number two," replies Hyde, holding up two fingers, all the while wondering how Kelso could be stupid as to date someone like Jackie.  _After all she was annoying as all hell…  I mean, especially when there are much better fish in the sea._  With that thought in mind, he glances in Donna's direction wistfully.  _Yeah, like Donna…oh boy, this whole being friends thing is just not working…dammit!_  Kelso interrupts this inner dialogue by saying, "Alright Jackie, we need to talk,", getting up and standing in front of her.  Hyde, once again thinking how much of a lame wad Kelso is, starts doing a funny little Hawaiian dance with his hands while looking in his direction.  "Neero neero neero…" says Hyde while still doing the dance.  

Jackie deep in thought, doesn't even realize the insults being tossed her way.  All of a sudden she comes out with, "You know what? I did the same paper last year in history. I think I got an A. You want me to go home and get it?"

Donna gets up, looks at Jackie with an expression that screams 'Well duh!', and says, "Lemme think. Yeah!"

Kelso interrupts Donna, picking this now inopportune time to try and break up with Jackie.  He says, "Hold on Donna. Jackie, we need to talk about this whole situ… "  He trails off as Donna's grabbed his arm and is twisting it around.  Hyde just looks at Donna with a look of pride in his eyes.  Donna glances back at him for a split second before turning to Jackie and saying, "Jackie, why don't you go ahead?" "Okay," Jackie replies and leaves.

Donna still holding Kelso's arm and twisting says to him, "Do not break up with her yet. Do you understand me?"  She lets go of his arm, but grabs his face in a fierce attempt to get her point across.  "Say you understand me!"  Kelso says in his defense, "All this time I thought you didn't like Jackie…"  At this, Donna pulls him down by the ears so that he's at eye level with her, and says intently, "Just don't break up with her yet."  Kelso, getting a little scared now, replies, "Okay, okay, okay."  "Alright," Donna relents and lets him go.  Kelso takes this opportunity to follow Jackie out the door.  

Hyde, looking at Donna, comes out with, "Hey, what do we need Jackie for, man? I know more about this stuff than she does. The three true branches of the government are military, corporate and Hollywood. I need a pencil, I've got it, I've got it!"

Donna just looks at him with a small smile on her face, thinking about how nice it is that Hyde's trying to help Eric with his homework.  _Unfortunately the poor guy has no idea what to write about the government.  Still, just the thought that he's willing to give up his afternoon to help a friend is unlike him.  He's been acting really not like himself lately…nicer somehow…  And ever since we reached the arrangement be friends, we've been closer somehow…I mean he's always doing little things to protect me and make me laugh…so sweet… I wish he would just kiss me again like he did at the disco…just to see what it could be like…no, not again…these thoughts are becoming more and more frequent despite my best attempts to stop them…I mean, I'm with Eric now…what on earth am I gonna do…?_

She forces these thoughts out of her mind, and opens the basement door to find Kelso and Jackie making out in the driveway.  She screams, "Jackie, run!" and Kelso and Jackie rush away.

FORMAN KITCHEN 

Bernice, Eric, and Kitty are in the kitchen waiting for dinner to be ready.  Bernice is smoking yet another cigarette.  Kitty tells her that she hopes she's hungry because the chicken will be done soon.  Bernice exhales and says, "I can't eat chicken. You know I have an irritable bowel."  She then proceeds to take an exceptionally long drag of her cigarette while Kitty looks at her, tempted to have a smoke.  "You should've made a ham." Bernice continues.  Eric tries to change the topic by commenting on the church service, to which Bernice replies that the pastor talked to much about forgiveness, and that some people should never be forgiven.  Eric starts to respond, but is cut off by Kitty, who says that some people don't need forgiveness, simply understanding.  Eric responds to this by saying, "Oh to true. Have you seen God spell?"  Bernice ignoring this,  rants on about how such a promising brilliant man like Red could have…but never gets to finish her thought as Kitty gets up and tossing Eric a pleading look.  Eric, sensing his mother's frustration looks at his grandma and offers to take her into the living room for a foot rub.  Bernice agrees, gets up, and hugs Eric, who looks over her shoulder at this mother, who mouths a silent thank you to him.  Bernice missing this interaction between her grandson and his mother pulls away and says to Eric,  "Wonderful boy! Oh, look at how thin you are. Is your mother feeding you enough? You should come and live with me," and Bernice heads into the living room.  Eric, still in the kitchen says,   "Ha, ha, ha. NO." and follows her.

****

**LIVING ROOM**

****

Red is sitting on the couch watching the Sunday football game.  When he sees Eric and Bernice heading into the living room he leaps up and makes to leave, saying, "Hi! I was just on my way to the garage to fix this…"  He improvises and picks up a bunch of glass grapes.  Eric sighs and tells his dad to just watch the game.  Red looking dejected replies, "No, no. It's just the Packers," gets up, turns off the TV and leaves as Bernice is taking off her shoes.  She looks behind her and seeing Eric asks where he had taken off to earlier.  He tells her he was off doing some homework, which she agrees is important.  Eric tries to tell her more about the homework he was working on, but she cuts him off by saying, "Eric, a little less talk and a little more rubbing."  She then sits on the couch and puts her feet on the table, and Eric gets on his knees to prepare for the foot rub.  : "You're the only one who's not afraid of my bunion," she informs him.  Eric now looking rather repulsed and horrified, says, "Oh! Oh dear!" and starts rubbing her feet, while Bernice moans in delight.  Fez comes into the room, and tells Eric that he'll be going home.  Eric, desperate to distract his grandmother temporarily gets up and chases after him exclaiming, 

"No, wait Fez, you haven't met Grandma!"  Fez comes back in to introduce himself to Bernice.  He says,  "Oh, Hello Grandma!" and looks down at her feet excitedly, and proceeds to tell her that in his village they worship feet, and hers are a holy treasure.  She asks him if he'd like to rub them.  Fez looks to Eric hopefully, and asks, "May I?" to which Eric tells him to knock himself out, and leaves the room relieved to get out of the foot rub.  Fez starts rubbing Bernice's feet and she moans with delight, and Fez gets a look of pride on his face.

****

FORMAN GARAGE 

Red is listening to the game on the radio when Eric walks in.  "Hey Dad."  Red looks startled, and leaps up hammering the paint can, trying to look busy.  "Damn it Eric! Don't sneak up on a person like that when they're doing this," he says irritated, and bit defensive.  He hammers the can some more and asks Eric how it's going in the house.  Eric tells him that he rubbed her feet, to which Red comments that that was a brave move.  Eric then asks him if he's coming back inside, to which Red replies that he loves his mother very much, but he just can't talk to her or spend any time with her.  Eric tries to make him feel guilty by reminding him that he was in there rubbing her feet, but Red just tells him that sometimes you have to play through the pain.  Eric doesn't understand this, and asks, "What?"  Red admits that he had no idea what he meant by that, and tells him to just go back inside.  Eric tosses over his shoulder as he leaves the garage, "Right."

THE BASEMENT 

Hyde and Donna are still sitting in the basement trying to work on Eric's paper.  In the meantime, both are kind of drifting off every so often, and tossing little glances and smiles at each other, which each hopes the other misses.  Donna is holding a pen in her hand to write down ideas for the paper.

Trying to concentrate on the task of Eric's paper at hand, Hyde starts to talk as he paces the room, "With their sugar coated ideals designed to anesthetize the ignorant masses. Why? So that the military slash corporate branches can carry out world domination. Alright, read that back to me."  He sits down and looks at Donna with a smile on his face.  

Donna smiles back, clears her throat and says, "Okay. Woun woun woun woun, woun."  She was so lost in thought, that she'd only caught about half of what he'd said and what she did catch didn't make any sense to her.  _Why doesn't he just kiss me already…I mean we're here alone...okay, okay, Bad Donna…think of Eric, your boyfriend…the one you're supposed to be helping with his homework…_

"You didn't get that?" replies Hyde.  _She's been out of it all day, I wonder what's she's thinking about…could it possibly be about me..?  How foolish is it to be thinking that?  I mean we decided to be friends and everything, and she's probably concerned about Foreman's school assignment…Still she has been acting sweeter and more shy towards me since our talk, so I wonder…_

His inner dialogue was interrupted by the very person that prompted them.  "Alright, let's just use the encyclopedia."  _Yeah, that's good, Donna, keep you mind on the matters at hand…namely Eric's homework…don't think about how much you wish he would pull you close…damn!_

"Oh, oh, you just wanna vomit up fact from an encyclopedia?" Hyde replies with a disgusted look on his face, pulling her out of her reverie.  _As sweet as she is, and as much as I want to pull her close…stop that line of thinking man!  Anyway…sometimes the fact that she puts off my ideas kind of irritates me…that's good think of all the little things she does to annoy you that way you won't think of how beautiful she looks standing there to go get the encyclopedia to help her BOYFRIEND, Foreman…_

"Yes." Donna replies, all the while wondering what the disgusted look was for, she was only trying to help a friend…_BOYFRIEND Donna, Eric's your boyfriend_, her mind takes that minute to remind her.

"Okay, fine. You know what? Vomit away, I will not be a part of this!" Hyde replies, not quite willing to admit to himself that she's not irritating him as much as he wants her to believe.

Kitty chooses this moment to come down the stairs, which breaks the tension between the two.

"Eric, are you down here?" Kitty asks.

"He's not in here Mrs. Forman," replies Donna, glad that someone came down the stairs at that minute, as her inner thoughts were slowly driving her insane.

"Donna, good. Why don't you come up and eat with us, I need all the help I can get." Kitty tells her.

Hyde gets up to follow them upstairs, not really wanting to be away from Donna, and figuring that the more people to distract Foreman's grandmother's attention, the better.

Kitty takes a look at him and says, "Not you Steven. Grandma doesn't like you."  She proceeds to head up the stairs.

"You lucky bastard!" Donna says, as she can't stand Eric's grandmother any more than the rest of them.  Secretly though, she's relieved to have an excuse to get away from Hyde for a while, considering the direction her thoughts had been taking.

"Well, what am I supposed to eat?" Hyde says with a rather sad, pleading look on his face.  He knew being around Donna was a bad idea, but they were supposed to be friends so…besides, if he had to stay down here, he wouldn't get any supper, and he was getting pretty hungry.

"Um, you know, help yourself to the deep freeze," replies Kitty, and she heads up the stairs.

"But everything's frozen…" he responds.

Donna stays behind for a minute to tell him, "Don't worry, I'll bring something down for you."

"Thanks," he says shyly, with a look of appreciation on his face.

With that, Donna turns and follows Kitty up to the kitchen.

Hyde figuring it would be a while before Donna could escape from Foreman's grandmother, decides to take Kitty up on her offer to help himself to the deep freeze.  He finds a bag of fries, then looks around wondering where he could cook them.  Finally his gaze lands on the dryer.  "I have a dryer!" he says to himself.

THE DINING ROOM 

****

Eric, Kitty, Red, Donna, Fez, and Bernice are sitting down to dinner.  Red compliments Kitty on her cheesy potatoes, and she thanks him.  Donna chimes in on the compliment, and Eric responds by saying that they make the potatoes every time his grandmother comes over because they know how much she likes them.  Bernice replies to this by saying that they make her sick because she's allergic to dairy.  Fez looks at her in sympathy and says, "Oh, how sad."  Red, once again getting irritated by his mother's actions says, "Ma, this is Wisconsin, you're not allergic to dairy."  A rather bitter Kitty responds, "Well maybe she's just allergic to my dairy."  Donna trying to smooth things over, and point out the obvious lie Bernice just told tells her that if she's allergic to dairy, she shouldn't be putting cream in her coffee, because cream is dairy.  Eric just looks at her and says, "Donna, I just, no, no…ok?"  "You shut up, Eric," Bernice replies, then looks over at Donna again, "Who the hell are you?" she bites out.  Eric tells her that it's Donna, and that she's known her for sixteen years, but Bernice only responds by saying, "I have not. Anyway, I like your new friend better," and looks in Fez's direction.  "The feeling is mutual." Fez replies.  Red, trying to escape from the rest of dinner starts talking between bites of food about hearing some non-existent raccoons in the garage, then gets up to leave.  Kitty rushes off next, saying, "Well, um, I couldn't eat another bite. I've had enough."  Then Donna says, "I'm going back downstairs. Excuse me."  She gets up, grabs a bun and puts some chicken in it for Hyde, and takes off.  Eric, left in the kitchen with his grandmother and Fez says, "So, what say we watch Laurence Welk, uh, Grandma?"  Bernice just looks at him with a smirk on her face, and replies with, "No, I'm going to watch Laurence Welk with my new friend."  She turns to Fez expectantly.  "You up for another foot rub, Desi?"  Eric just looks at her with a shocked expression on his face.

THE BASEMENT 

****

Hyde is sitting on the dryer waiting for his fries. It rings and gets off to remove them. "Oh! Fry time!"

Eric and Donna come downstairs as Hyde is opening the dryer and taking out the fries.  The bag is hot so, he's tossing it from hand to hand so it doesn't burn him.  "Ooh! Hot! Hot!" he exclaims.

"What are you doing?" Eric asks.

"Um, just working on your report here and having some fries." Hyde responds, and looks at Donna.

"Here Hyde," Donna says to him, and hands the chicken sandwich over.  "You didn't need to cook those fries in the dryer you know, I told you I'd bring you something."

Eric looks at Donna wondering why she would go to the trouble to bring Hyde dinner, but doesn't say anything.  _Just another of a series of gestures that Hyde and Donna have been making for each other since their talk a couple weeks ago… They have been acting all buddy buddy ever since, I wonder what's going on with them…_

"Yeah I know, but I was pretty hungry and I didn't know how long you'd be so…" Hyde says to Donna, and trails off smiling into her eyes.  She smiles back.  Eric doesn't see this as he's still lost in thought.

Eric decides he's probably just being paranoid, and breaks out of his reverie saying, "You put French fries in my mother's dryer?"

"Yeah well, the fish sticks are too flaky, so I… nah." Hyde replies in his defense, but realizing how stupid his explanation sounds trails off.

Jackie and Kelso finally return to the basement after their excursion to get Jackie's paper earlier.  Kelso's hair is all ruffled, and his shirt is on inside out.

"Finally! Where have you guys been?" exclaims Donna, glad they are back so that they can finish Eric's report.

Kelso, feeling kind of out of place looks down at his shoes and mutters, "Um, we had to look for the paper, and eat and then some stuff happened, you know."

Eric looks at him with a mix of irritation and amusement and says, "Your shirt's inside out."

Kelso gets all excited and boastful and belts out, "Yeah, that's the stuff!"

Donna, trying to get back to the matter at hand asks Jackie, "Where's the paper?"

A rather contrite looking Jackie replies, "Right, ok, see, it wasn't on the three branches of the government, it was on the four food groups!"

"Ok, look. My dad's got the world books, I'll just run next door and get G." Donna replies, while rolling her eyes.  _Why do I hang with them?  Don't they know anything?  I mean they can't even keep their hands off each other long enough to help a friend…_

"Ohh, I'll go with you." Jackie replies, completely oblivious to Donna's thoughts of her.  She turns and runs out the door.

Donna turns to Kelso, and says with derision, "You can break up with her now."  At that, she turns and leaves.

"You know, I'm tired of everyone trying to tear me and Jackie apart!" exclaims Kelso, completely forgetting his earlier desire to break up with her.

However Hyde wasn't quite so forgetful.  He chimes in with, "Moron! Everyday you say you're breaking up with her!"

Kelso takes off his shirt to turn it right side out, exposing a big purple hickey in the process and screams, "Well, you guys don't know her like I do!"  Noticing all the guys staring at him strangely, he looks down and sees the hickey and makes a desperate belated attempt to cover it with his hands.  He continues with, "I mean, it's not just about fooling around! She buys me stuff!"

Hyde looks at him and sneers, "She hovered your chest man!"

"You know what? I don't care anymore. All I wanted was a little help with my paper and you've done nothing." Eric replies, and looks at everyone with disgust.

"We put your middle name in." Hyde retorts in a smart-alecky voice.

Eric leans over to see it.  

"Jean-Claude?"  he replies with a puzzled look on his face.

"Yeah, that's two words." Hyde replies with a smirk.

"You guys suck. Just thank God for Donna." Eric replies, his frustration evident.

Donna and Jackie choose this minute to walk back into the basement.

"Ok, bad news." Donna replies sadly, and with a great deal of irritation. "My mom sold some at a garage sale, but we have B, X, and R."

Kitty comes downstairs at this point, desperate for a cigarette, and to escape from Red's mother.

She exclaims, "Alright, alright, now you listen up. I have had an extremely stressful day. And I am not proud of what I'm about to say, but someone give me a cigarette. Now!"

Eric, trying to defend himself and his friends replies, "But mom, we don't smoke!"

Kitty, not in the mood for any of Eric's nonsense retorts, "Cut the crap, Eric! I am a nurse. I know that one in five teenagers smoke. One, two, three, four, five! Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them there had better be a cigarette between these two fingers! Come on people, hop to!"

One hand comes up and puts a cigarette between her fingers.

"Thank you! Light!" she exclaims, with a bit of relief.

Five lighters come up to offer her a light.

Red comes down and shakes his head at Kitty in shame, "Kitty, kitty, kitty."

Kitty gives Eric the cigarette and he puts it into the freezer.

Kitty looks at Red and tries to gloss over her misdeed.  "Well, there you are Red!" she exclaims.

"Ma said the cat bit her, so I'm down here looking for it," he replies, obviously fishing for an excuse to escape having to see his mother.

"Dad, we don't have a cat." Eric replies, pointing out the obvious.

"That's what I thought" Red says, but makes no move to go back upstairs.  Instead he comes the rest of the way into the room and sits on the couch to watch the game, and everyone is still.

Kitty half-heartedly says, "Well, you know we really, we shouldn't leave your poor little foreign friend up there alone with Grandma."  Then she sits down too and continues, "Really, it's, it's kinda nice down here."

Hyde, taking the hint sits down as well.  He offers her the fry bag, and she grabs one.

THE FORMAN DRIVEWAY 

****

Red, Kitty, and Eric are ushering Bernice to the car.  Bernice undergoes a major personality change and says, 

"Oh, thank you for a wonderful dinner."  Kitty tells her that's she's so very welcome in a false sounding voice.  

"Well, now, I hope I wasn't any bother." Bernice continues.  Red, also in a fake voice replies with, "No, Ma, you're no bother. You're as welcome as… flowers in May."  Eric looks shocked by this, and is tempted to say something.  

"Oh, here Bernice, I wrapped up some chicken for you to take home." Kitty says, and hands her the dish.  Bernice thanks her, and says she hopes that Kitty put some of her cheesy potatoes, in with the chicken, because Kitty knows how much she loves them.  Eric decides that it's time to say something and comments that she said she was allergic to them earlier, but Red cuts him off mid-tirade and says,  "Eric! It's been a perfectly nice Sunday. Let's not spoil it."  Red and Bernice go and get into the car at this point, and Bernice says to Red, "Sweetheart, I hope I didn't make too big a deal about my allergies."  Red starts to reassure her, seeing no point in making a scene with his mother, "Oh, no Ma. He's a kid! He, uh, overreacts."  Bernice all of a sudden gets an excited look on her face and says, "You know, this is the cutest little car! I just love it!"

THE BASEMENT 

****

Eric is working on his paper, and Kitty heads downstairs.  Eric is counting the words on his paper to make sure he has enough words, "Eight hundred twenty-five, Eight hundred twenty-six…"  Kitty asks him what he's doing as it's already one o'clock in the morning.  He tells her he's just finishing some homework, and asks her what she's doing down in the basement.  She tells him that she came down to have a smoke, pulls one out, and proceeds to light it.  Eric just tells her that he wishes she wouldn't smoke.  Kitty just tells him that she promises it's her last one, and thanks him for helping out with his grandma that day.  Eric asks if he can ask her something, and she says sure.  Eric then asks her what his grandmother has against her.  She confides to him, "Well, about twenty-five years ago your father was dating this very attractive well-to-do woman that your grandma liked, and he married me instead. And she never forgave me."   Hearing this, Eric can't help but exclaim…"That bitch!" which causes Kitty to start laughing.  Eric joins in.

FORMAN LIVING ROOM 

****

Bernice and Fez are watching Laurence Welk.  

Fez turns to her and asks,  "Now, who is the lady with cotton-candy dress?"

Bernice responds with, "That's Norma Zimmer, the Champagne Lady!"

"She's very talented."

"And see those two dancing? That's Bobby and Cecile. I like his tight pants. Oh, she's a slut."

"You know, I have seen this show before but the band leader was much more masculine." Fez replies, then starts saying something in Spanish.

Bernice turns and looks at him.

"Oh, bubbles!" Fez exclaims, and turns back to the TV.


	5. Eric's Buddy

POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN 

DECEMBER 8, 1976 

3:18 P.M. 

POINT PLACE HIGH SCHOOL 

Eric and Buddy are standing in front of the building, talking after school. 

"Alright, this is basically all you need to know about Bohr's theory of atomic structure." Eric says, as he hands his notes over to Buddy. 

"Cool, man, thanks, I appreciate it. Listen, you don't mind me being your chemistry lab partner?" he asks. 

"No. Why would I mind?" replies Eric. 

"Just 'cause, I, uh, you know, I tend to blow things up." Buddy looks a little nervous and approaches a red Trans Am parked next to Eric's old Vista Cruiser. 

"Whoa, whoa, Buddy, what are you doing?" asks Eric, looking startled as Buddy seems to be stealing the hot Trans Am. 

But Buddy just shoots him a confused look. "Unlocking my car…" 

"No way! This is your car? Oh, so you're the guy I hate!" exclaims Eric in awe and envy. 

"Yeah, yeah, that'd be me." Buddy grins, puffing out his chest in pride. 

"Can I just?…" asks Eric, motioning toward the car. 

"Yeah, yeah," says Buddy, as Eric runs to the passenger side. 

"I'm so glad you're my lab partner!" exclaims Eric. 

"I could take you for a ride if you want." 

"No way! Oh, let's go!" Eric exclaims excitedly. Inside the car he immediately begins playing with the power window. 

"Hey, don't do that!" Buddy warns. Eric stops, looking ashamed of his excitement. 

"I'm kidding!" Buddy exclaims with a grin on his face. 

Eric grins back, and starts playing with it again. 

SCHOOL PARKING LOT

"Where the hell is Forman man? This isn't like him," says a rather irritated Hyde. _It's cold as hell out here, and I wanted to get home in time to see Donahue, man. ___

"I'm really starting to get worried. What if something happened to him?" Kelso replies, looking concerned. 

"Nothing happened to him," snaps Hyde. 

"What if he's lost or hurt somewhere?" asks Kelso. 

"Calm down Lassie. I'm sure Timmy's just fine," retorts Hyde, sarcastically. 

"Yeah. Maybe we should check the school morgue," replies a rather ignorant Kelso. 

"Kelso, the school doesn't have a morgue." Hyde says, rolling his eyes. 

"Then why do we pay all those taxes for?" asks Kelso, indignantly. 

"You know what kills me? You do better in school than I do." Hyde replies thinking, J_ust how dumb is this guy?!? ___

"I'm worried man," says Kelso, who snuggles further into his coat. 

"Ok, fine, now let's just be logical, right? I mean, Forman's not gonna just ditch us. The Cruiser's battery's probably dead or something." Hyde replies, trying to find a good reason for Eric to have ditched them. He tries to open the door of the Vista Cruiser, only to find it locked up tight. 

"You know what, it's starting to get late. Maybe we should just start walking," says Kelso in resignation. 

"No, no, no, I am not walking. If God wanted us to walk, he wouldn't have given us Forman," 

Hyde snaps, determined to wait for Eric, and hopeful that he hasn't forgotten them. 

THE HUB

Eric and Buddy get out of the Trans Am in the Hub parking lot and stop to talk for a few minutes.  

"Oh my God! That's Buddy Morgan!" exclaims Jackie, spotting the guys through the window. 

"Oh man, I had such a crush on him in the seventh grade," replies Donna. 

"He's driving the fiery chariot of the sun God," says Fez, with a dreamy expression on his face. 

"Wait, he's with Eric? This is a serious clique breach!" exclaims Jackie, dumbfounded. 

"A serious clique breach, well, that's the worst kind!" replies Donna, rolling her eyes at her cheerleader friend. 

Jackie doesn't pick up on the sarcasm. "You see, Buddy is in the rich kid clique," she starts trying to explain the high school social structure. She picks up a mustard bottle from the table to represent the rich kids. "They mingle with the jock clique," she continues, picking up a ketchup bottle. "Then you have your smokers and your heads," adding the salt and pepper. "Ok?" 

Donna is watching in amazed amusement. _I can't believe she's putting this much work into cliques when she can't even do her homework! _

But Jackie was already continuing, "Rich kids can be smokers, and jocks can be heads. But jocks can not be smokers unless they're rich!" The bottles mixed and swirled in complex patterns only fully understood by the mind of the tiny cheerleader. She seemed quite proud of her little demonstration.

"What about Larry Mosely? He's a rich jock smoker head." Donna couldn't wait to see how Jackie would explain that one, and it gave her time to check out the Trans Am some more through the window. 

"Ok, well now you're just being difficult," replies an indignant and ignorant Jackie, giving up on the clique-jumping lesson as Buddy and Eric walked in. 

"Hey, guys, um, Buddy, you know everyone, right?" Eric asks. 

"Hi. Uh, no I don't think we've actually met," replies Buddy, pointing at Fez. 

"No, I am Fez." 

"Hi." 

"My Gosh, Buddy, with a car like that, you must be knee deep in whores," exclaims Fez, looking rather envious. Buddy looks confused, and Eric decides to spare him a long explaination of Fez-Speak. 

"Okay! Let's head back to my house." 

THE BASEMENT

The gang, minus Kelso and Hyde but plus the mustard bottle that is Buddy, are watching Gilligan's Island. 

"Hey, they're finally getting off the island!" exclaims Fez, excited. 

"No, Fez, they're not getting off the island," a bored Eric assures him.  

"But they have a clock and a radio, what could go wrong?" asks Fez, indignantly, with a touch of excitement. But a few moments later, as Gilligan yet again messes up the plan, "Oh Jilligan!"

Hyde and Kelso walk in looking cold and very, very angry. 

"Oh, there you guys are, hey, where have you been?" asks Eric innocently. 

"Where have we…" Kelso breaks off in disbelief. "Where have **you been? We've been worried sick about you!" A mix of concern and anger are evident in his voice. **

"We had to walk all the way here man! My feet are killing me!" Hyde sounds far angrier than his friend. 

"Are your finger broken? You can't use a phone?" Kelso continues. 

"Do you know that it's freezing outside? And I'm wearing my uncle's boots so now I have a blister!" Hyde exclaims with disgust. 

"Hey you two, quit bickering. We have company," says Donna. Hyde catches a quick look of pity on her face before she turns away, pointing to Buddy sitting in the old white chair. 

"Huh, Buddy Morgan. Yeah, I know you…" Hyde replies calmly. _He's in my chair. And what was that with Donna?_

Buddy begins to explain, "Yeah, I guess it's my fault. I gave Eric a ride home so…" 

"Get outta my chair!" Hyde interrupts loudly. As soon as he says it he regrets it._ I sound like I'm four years old. I sound like I'm four and I need a nap. Damn boots. _He keeps the scowl on his face as Buddy quickly jumps up from his chair. It wasn't a comfortable chair, but it was his.   

Donna watches Buddy and Hyde and is struggling not to smile. Buddy may be rich, but Hyde would kick his ass in a second. _Especially if he's in Hyde's chair. __Especially since Hyde really does look tired. Pretty dumb of Eric to forget about his friends like that.  _

Buddy was shifting nervously. "Okay, I really had to be going anyway, so…" He looks at Eric, and suddenly remembers the Vista Cruiser. "Oh, hey! Your car's still at school, huh?" _At least he sounds like he feels a little guilty, Eric's just standing there basking in the clique_, Donna thinks, forcing her eyes back to Gilligan and off of Hyde. 

"Yeah you're damn right it is!" Kelso was obviously still upset. 

"I could drop you off." Buddy offers Eric. 

Eric's face lights up "Oh, yeah! Sure! And, hey guys, I'm real sorry I forgot about you." Eric says, trying to sound contrite. Unfortunately, Buddy ruins the attempt with his offer to let Eric drive. 

"HELL YES!" exclaims Eric, grabbing the keys and racing up the basement stairs. Buddy follows him out. 

"I call backseat!" Fez shouts, and trails them up the stairs. 

Kelso looks incredulous. "See that? He just ditched us again!" 

Jackie was far from sympathetic, however. "Do you even know how difficult it is to clique jump? Eric has achieved something very special and you are both ruining it for him!" 

The snippy tone from her friend further irritates Donna. "That still doesn't mean he should ditch his other friends!" she exclaims, glaring at the midget. 

"Who cares? I'm tired, and I never wanna walk anywhere again," Kelso falls onto the couch just as Jackie jumps up.

"Michael walk me home!" she orders him.

Without any argument, Kelso gets back up again, "Okay," and follows her out the door. 

Donna watches them go, rolling her eyes. _I'm not sure which one of those two is worse. As the basement door shuts behind them, she turns back to Hyde. __He really does look tired, she thinks. __It's like, four miles from school to here!_

"Ok, what's your problem with Buddy? I mean, he seems nice enough. Technically it wasn't his fault that Eric ditched you guys." Donna asks him. He was still frowning at the TV, and she felt slightly obligated to distract him from whatever revenge he was plotting. _Because I'm Eric's girlfriend. I think.  _

But she picked the wrong tactic. Hyde snorts resentfully, "Screw him, man. I mean, he's got the money, the car, the family, the teachers like him, the counselors like him, everybody likes him! I hate him." _Man, I need to stop acting like an idiot around her. 'I hate him,' what kind of whiny crap is that? I sound like Forman. _

"Hyde, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?" asks Donna. She didn't want to provoke him more, but she kind of liked it when he went off on his rants about the government and the status quo and paranoid stuff like that. _He sound crazy, but smart. And passionate. Very passionate. _He looks over at her, and she quickly stops that line of thinking. 

"Donna," Hyde replies impatiently, "Let me tell you something. Ok? When high school's over, Buddy Morgan's going to a great college. You know where I'm gonna be? Sitting right here in my uncle's boots." _I know she's pretty and smart and everything, but sometimes she just doesn't get it.  _

His tone throws Donna completely off guard._ I forget he isn't like the rest of the gang,with nice happy parents and a college fund. But he hates pity. She's floundering with her reply, and finally comes up with a lame, "Well, at least you got great friends." _That sounds pathetic._ She finds herself continuing without even meaning to, "And, um, I'll always be your friend." _And that sounds obvious. Add "Only friends", hurry up, add "Only friends" and finish your sentence, you can't leave it like this.__

"Thanks Donna," says Hyde, before she gets the chance. To make matters worse, he actually reaches out and puts his hand on her leg. _If I weren't tired and cold and cranky I'd know better than to be doing this, he thinks to himself. __And that's exactly what I'll tell anyone if they catch us. I've got the excuse, now I just have to... _

Donna looks down at his hand and smiles. "That was sympathy, Hyde. Not an opening for you to put your hand on my knee." _And only you would take it to be that. ___

"Sorry." Hyde responds, keeping his face carefully neutral. _Play it off like a joke. If she smacks you, it's a joke, if she likes it, you meant to do it. He doesn't move his hand. _She's warm. __

Donna is trying not to laugh. "Move your hand!" she tells him half-heartedly. His hand was cold, but somehow it made her warm. _Warm in all the wrong places. _

Hyde responds to Donna's request by simply moving his hand up and down her thigh. _I'm really, really tired right now. That's it. I'm not actually rubbing one of my best friend's thighs while her boyfriend is out driving around in a Trans Am. It's some kind of weird hallucination brought on by the fresh air and exercise. And while we're hallucinating, why not a little..._

Donna laughs as his hand slowly moves across her leg. _OK, that's feeling way too nice.  She grabs his hand and is about to shove it off her leg when she notices him leaning closer. Donna gets a dreamy look on her face as she realizes he's making a move. __His hand is so cold, but my face feels so hot. ___

Just as his lips are about to meet hers the basement door upstairs opens. Reacting like it's a gunshot, they drop hands and pull away from each other. The footsteps on the stairs give them both time to recover and stare at the TV. _When did the program change? _Donna thinks, confused. _I can't believe I almost let him kiss me again. _

Kitty comes down the stairs with a pile of laundry, "Don't mind me," she says cheerfully, "I'm just throwing in a load of wash." 

Hyde focuses on the TV, and clears his throat. _That was close. And stupid. I should go home and take a nap or something. If only I didn't have to walk. She smells good._

Hyde and Donna continue watching TV as Kitty hums behind them, both wondering what the other is thinking. 

THE HUB

Kelso is playing pinball and Hyde is sitting with his head on a table. _I can't believe I almost kissed her. We talked about it, we're just friends, she's with Forman. Just because I want to kiss her doesn't mean I should let stupid circumstances drag me into... I can't believe Kelso lost again, that guy sucks at pinball. Except she really didn't seem to mind, she looked like she wanted kissed. ___

"Number ten, your order is ready!" Frank, the manager of The Hub, yells from behind his counter.

Kelso doesn't look up from the game second game he's losing. "Yeah, I'll be right there!" 

Frank yells out again, "Number ten, I have limited counter space. Please remove your hot dog." 

"Alright!" Kelso shouts as he stops playing. "I don't see why you can't just serve us our food, Frank. We are paying customers, you know." _Man, Kelso should know better than to match wits with Frank. Or anyone, really, _Hyde thinks as he watches his friend at the counter. _What the hell was I thinking with Donna!_

"Hey, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so that I could serve hot dogs to teenagers." Frank is testy now, and Hyde can almost appreciate the tone of voice he's using with Kelso. _I've gotta try that on Forman some time. _

Kelso rolls his eyes. "You have both your legs, Frank," he replies, completely missing the warning tone in Franks voice. 

"Like I said. I did not lose a leg in Vietnam!" Frank repeats in the same aggravating tone of voice. Kelso gives up and walks back to Hyde's table. _Another moron falls in the face of logic, _Hyde smirks, as he watches Kelso approach. _ I wonder if I can snake that hot dog from him… _

Donna walks into the Hub and Hyde tries to turn off his mental dialogue. _It's never going to go anywhere good anyway._

"Hey guys." Donna says and sits down. 

"Hey man, where's Forman?" asks Hyde abruptly. _God, she's beautiful. How does she do that?_

"I don't know. He's not with me." Donna replies, wondering why he's acting ticked off. 

"He's with that damn Buddy again. You know, he only hangs out with Buddy 'cause he's got a Trans Am." Hyde says with obvious envy. 

_Oh. Buddy again. He acts like Eric is his only friend. It's like Kelso and I aren't even sitting here! _The more Donna thinks, the more she herself gets ticked off. "So? You guys only hang out with Eric 'cause of the Vista Cruiser and the basement!" Donna replies. 

"We've been friends with Forman since he was a kid, man. Way before he had any of that stuff," explains Hyde._ And before he had you… ___

Kelso stops messing with his hot dog long enough to join the conversation. "That's right. Remember when he used to have that tree house and a go-kart?" Kelso starts grinning at the memory, missing the slightly angry undercurrents between Donna and Hyde. 

Frank comes over to their table and points at Hyde. 

"Hey. You. Buy something, or get out! I've got a big wedding coming in." Frank yells. 

_OK, that's less funny when he's doing it to me. _"Frank, you don't have a big wedding coming in!" Hyde wasn't about to leave, with no transportation and now with Donna upset at him about something… 

"Oh, did I say wedding? Because I meant to say, buy something, or get out!" Frank exclaims and walks away. 

"Fine, I'll go someplace else then!" Hyde calls after him. He stands and turns to look back at Donna and Kelso. "Come on, let's go!" _If I've gotta walk, it's not going to be alone. Maybe Kelso will get distracted by a bird or something and Donna and I can… _

Kelso wasn't moving. "I'm not going anywhere, I just bought a hot dog!" 

Donna rolls her eyes. "Hyde, there's no reason for you to leave, I'll get you something." She begins digging through her purse for change and misses the raised eyebrow Hyde gives her. 

"Actually, I'm in the mood for a  walk anyway. Thanks," he adds sarcastically. _So not only am I less than Forman, I have to have her buy me food? I don't think so. _

Donna slams some quarters on the table, causing Kelso to jump and spill ketchup on his shirt. "Hyde. Get a damn Coke and stay." She keeps his gaze as Kelso leaves to wipe off his shirt in the bathroom. "Just stay." She raises her own eyebrow to match his. _Because you here and pissed is better than you not here. Dillhole. "You can pay me later. Whatever."_

"Whatever. Fine. God." Hyde took the quarters and went to deal with Frank. There was something in her expression. _I think she actually wants me to stay. We really need to have another talk. _

MONTAGE

Eric and Buddy play pinball and basketball; go shopping; do a chemistry experiment. 

CINEPLEX'S PARKING LOT 

"That was a great movie, huh?" asks Buddy. 

"Yeah. I mean, who would've thought that working at a car wash could be so much fun?" replies Eric, as he and Buddy get into the car. 

"So, what do you wanna do now?" 

"I don't know. Uh, Oh, ugh!" Eric says guiltily. 

Buddy looks at him, concerned. "What?" 

"Nothing. I forgot to call Donna." 

"Oh, Donna." Buddy's tone is casual. "So, she's like, your girlfriend?" 

"I don't know, it's, I don't know." Eric replies, flustered. 

"Yeah, it's…it's ok to be confused, Eric." 

"Yeah, you know, sometimes, I feel like…I don't know. Like, we're in a movie, right? And, um…I'm nervous around her. And I feel like I'm playing this part, right? But it's not me." 

"Mhmh," answers Buddy. Eric misses the longing look on his face. Suddenly, Buddy leans over and kisses Eric, who pushes away as he realizes what's happening. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…whoa," replies Eric, dazed. 

"What?" Buddy responds defensively. 

"You! You are…you, you're gay!" Eric exclaims, realization dawning. 

"Me? No, I'm not gay," denies Buddy. 

"You're not? But you…you just kissed me!" 

"Ok, I'm gay." Buddy concedes. 

"Can you take me home now?" Eric squeaks out, panicked. 

THE CAR, LATER

"Look, I'm not gay," says Eric, defensively. 

"Yeah, yeah." Buddy pauses. "Are you sure?" Buddy asks with a question in his eyes. 

"Yes!" responds a rather adamant Eric. 

"Because I just thought that…" Buddy trails off. 

"Well, why would you think that?" Eric asks, genuinely curious. 

"'Cause we've been spending so much time together…" Buddy explains. "And if you were with Donna, like, her boyfriend, then you'd be spending more time with her."

"Because we're friends! I spend time with my friends all the time. And I'm…I've been friends with Hyde for years and spent lots of time with him and I never put the moves on him." 

"I wouldn't blame you. That guy's a jerk." Buddy replies with a scowl on his face. 

"Yeah, well…yeah, but that's not the reason! It's because I'm not gay." 

"Right. I'm sorry for kissing you." Buddy responds contritely. 

"That's ok. I mean, it's…let's just forget about it." Eric says, trying to cause the incident to blow over. 

"Do you wanna listen to the radio?" Buddy asks as he moves his hand towards the radio. 

Eric panics, thinking that Buddy's making a move on him again. "Hey! I told you I wasn't gay!" he exclaims. 

THE BASEMENT

"I miss Eric," Kelso pouts out loud. 

"Well, you still have me," replies Jackie. 

"It's not the same Jackie! I can talk to Eric about things that…that I can't talk about with you." Kelso responds crankily. 

"Ok, well like what." Jackie replies, an angry glint in her eyes. 

"Well, for instance, the annoying things that you do." Kelso replies, completely ignorant of the fact that Jackie's already angry. 

Jackie takes the opportunity to shove him and get up off the back of the couch. "Michael!" she exclaims, clearly furious now. 

"See, I can't talk to you!" Kelso shouts. 

Eric walks in the basement amidst this chaos, a dazed look on his face. 

"Hey, Eric, how's it…" Donna starts, but gets cut off by Eric, who pulls her to him and kisses her. 

Everyone looks shocked. No one notices that Hyde looks angry as well.  

"So, what's everyone looking at?" Eric says defensively, as he pulls Donna closer to him. _OK that was definitely weird. And not completely bad. _Donna doesn't make a move to pull away and tries to avoid looking at Hyde. 

"What are we looking at? Man, we haven't seen you in days!" yells Hyde. _And we're looking at a little freak that ignores us for a week, then swoops in and kisses Donna like that and she looks happy about it. Like she wasn't as blown off as the rest of his friends.  ___

"Oh, what, Hyde, you had to walk all the way home from school again?" Eric responds sarcastically, adding fuel to the anger he doesn't even know exists. 

"That's not the only reason we're upset with you," adds Kelso. _At least Kelso can sound angry without it being suspicious. Is she trying to avoid looking at me or is it my imagination?_ Hyde wondered.

"It's my only reason." Hyde informs Kelso. _Whatever Forman is pulling, it looks like it's working._

"I thought you had another reason," replies Kelso, confused. 

"No, that's pretty much it." Hyde replies defensively. _Kelso has no clue, right? I mean, he seems completely out of it most of the time, but what if he's seen stuff? Nah... I'd better chill out either way. He's still got his damn arm around her. _

"Where's Buddy?" Donna asks Eric. _He's really holding me pretty tight here. That was some kiss. There's that warm feeling again. ___

"Oh, Buddy! Um. Well, Buddy got busy, so…" Eric trails off. 

"Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he has a lot to do. He is 'popular'." Jackie replies, obviously still impressed that Buddy would hang around with Eric in the first place. 

"Yes and so obviously gay." Fez responds, out of the blue. Eric looks uncomfortable. 

"Buddy is not gay!" exclaims Jackie. 

"Please, Fez. That's just stupid! If Buddy was gay he would have been all over me!" Kelso replies, stroking his own ego, while everyone turns and silently stares at him. "Well, he would've!" 

FORMAN DRIVEWAY

Jackie and Kelso walk off through the Forman garage. "See you guys later," calls Donna. She turns and heads for her own house but is stopped by Hyde, who grabs her arm and turns her around. He puts his arm around her, and they walk toward Eric. _Two guys, one night. I kinda like this. But I shouldn't. Bad Donna_, she tells herself.

"So, Foreman? Now that the scary kids are gone, is Buddy gay?" asks Hyde. 

"Well, I don't think it's really my place to…" Eric trails off, panicked. 

"He's gay!" Donna and Hyde say in unison. Hyde rubs his hand up and down Donna's back, feeling guilty and naughty at the same time. _Right in front of my best friend man! I bet she's going to smack me. But Donna doesn't, and Eric notices nothing strange as he tries to figure out what to tell his friends. _

"Ok, guys. Hypothetical situation. Crazy scenario, wouldn't happen, in, like, a million years, let's just, let's say, ok, that Buddy made a move on me." Eric says, looking completely and thorougly unconvincing. 

"Eric, he's not gonna make a move on you if he knows you're straight." Donna tells him somewhat shakily. _If Hyde would stop moving his hand I could enjoy this more! Look at Eric squirm! _

Hyde looks Donna in the eyes and says, "I don't know, I mean, Foreman is pretty irresistible." 

"I don't think he'll make a move on me again." Eric finally concludes. 

"Again?!" Hyde and Donna exclaim, obviously shocked. 

"Or for the first time? You know? I gotta go." Eric replies nervously, and he goes into the house. 

Hyde turns Donna around, and runs his hand through her hair. "You know, Donna," he begins, sounding sincere, "If Forman ever decides to dabble in the love that dare not speak it's name, I'm here for you." There is only a slight smirk on his face.  _But his eyes are totally serious.  _

Donna forces a laugh. Realizing she won't be able to respond while he's looking at her like that, she just turns and walks away. 

SCHOOL PARKING LOT

"Hey, Buddy! Um, I'm gonna need those chemistry notes back." Eric calls to Buddy. 

"Oh, yeah. Listen, man, if you don't wanna be my lab partner anymore, then, I'll, I'll understand." 

Buddy responds nervously. 

"No, no, oh, I didn't mean it like that. Um, look, we're still friends." Eric replies falteringly. 

"Really?" asks Buddy, afraid to sound too hopeful. 

"Yeah. Actually, Buddy, um…I wanted to ask why, um…why, why me?" stammers Eric. 

"I don't know, man, it's probably, it's probably the same reason that Donna likes you, you know? You're smart and sensitive and…nice looking.  Plus with Donna looking so  'chummy' with Hyde, I figured, what the hell." Buddy explains.

"Ok. Well, first of all, what do you mean about Donna and Hyde?  There's nothing between them, they've been friends for years.  I mean, Donna's my girlfriend, and Hyde's my best friend.  They would never do that…"  _Or would they?  They seem to think that I miss all the little looks they've been tossing each other lately.   I'm not blind man!  And ever since the disco, they have seemed different around each other, friendlier…And the gestures…I mean, it's right there, but I  thought I must be imagining things, but now that even Buddy's mentioned it, I wonder…But Donna would never cheat on me!  She's not that kind of girl, and I don't think Hyde would ever do something like that to a friend.  I'm probably just taking things out of proportion.  Yeah, that's it…_he convinces himself. "Also, I'm not really that smart. Those notes I gave you? Copied. Ok? And as for sensitive, sometimes I can just be downright mean." Eric says, to try and dissuade him.

"You're so cute!" Buddy exclaims, with a look of longing on his face. 

"Well, that is…well, I guess I am!" Eric replies, puffing his chest out in pride.


	6. The Best Christmas Ever

It's never the wrong time for Christmas Romance!

THE BASEMENT  
  
The gang is watching Christmas cartoons while Donna is decorating the tree. It had been a tradition since Kitty had sent the Forman's old fake treet to storage in favor of a fresh tree each year. The basement tree had stayed bare until a frustrated Donna started putting whatever she could find on it. _I wouldn't mind sitting around watching cartoons, but no, I'm climbing a damn ladder._

Donna looked toward the TV, "Man the Grinch has a big butt!" 

"Yes, nothing says Christmas like a big green Grinch ass!" Fez exclaims giddily. 

Donna looks over at Eric, "Hold the ladder for me." _Almost done, then I can sit and relax with the rest of the grinches._

"So, Eric what are you doing on Christmas Eve?" Kelso asks over his shoulder. 

Eric's still watching the TV as he replies, "Oh, my parents are having the same lame Christmas party they have every year." He smirks.  "All the adults: 'Hey neighbor, is that mistletoe?'" He pretends to make out with the air. 

Donna checks out her work. "Alright, now how does that look?" _Another fine job!_

Eric and Hyde turn to look at the tree and find themselves eye level with Donna's behind as she balances on the ladder. 

"It's great man!" Hyde replies with a smirk on his face. _The best I've ever seen._

"Oh, so fabulous!" exclaims Eric, also with a smirk. 

"Guys, the ornaments are up here…"  Donna gestures to the top of the tree in exasperation and amusement. 

Hyde and Eric simultaneously and unconvincingly -  "Oh yeah, that's great!" 

From her spot on the couch, Jackie excitedly exclaims, "Oh, I just love Christmas! It's all about good tidings and cheer, uh, and shopping!" 

Hyde shakes his head. _Cheerleaders, man. _"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus was going for." 

"Hey, I give too. Every year my friends and I deliver gift baskets to the unfortunate," the perky brunette replies defensively. 

Donna attempts to correct her obviously clueless friend, "I think you mean less fortunate." 

_Oh my god, who cares_, Jackie thinks. "Okay, whatever," she relents, "Bums!" 

Kitty comes down the basement stairs and heads for the television set. "Oh, what are you guys doing watching cartoons? Holiday In is on!" She changes the channel and begins to sing along, "Where the tree tops glisten…la la la listen!" She stops abruptly and turns to Eric, "Eric, come on, help me get the decorations!" 

"Sure mom," he smiles and follows her into the storage room. 

Suddenly Kelso says excitedly, "You know what my favorite Christmas gift of all time is? Light-brite! It's fun making things with Light-brite!" No one else seems to share his excitement. "Well it is," he finishes defensively.

"Man, my favorite gift is cash! That way you can buy whatever you want!" Hyde speaks up. Turning to Donna, "Know what I mean Donna?" 

"Uh uh." Donna replies, confused. _OK, cash would be easy to give him, but it doesn't really say 'Christmas'. But if it's what he wants... And it's appropriately impersonal, which is good. _

Hyde misses her look. "Like, let's just say somebody gave you… I don't know, uh, six dollars and some change right." He continues, "Yeah, to buy a present. What would you get?" _Not a whole lot, it's only six bucks, but chicks are good at stuff like this._

"Well Hyde, it doesn't matter how much it could cost as long as it's personal and sentimental." Donna answers, sounding sincere. 

"You know what's both personal and sentimental? Diamonds!" Jackie interrupts, nudging Kelso, who remains clueless. 

The gang hears a scream from the back room and Eric and Kitty burst out of the storage room. Kitty continues running upstairs, frightened. 

Eric pauses to regain his composure. "We were going through a box of Christmas decorations and we found the Christmas rat," Eric explains.   
  
FORMAN KITCHEN 

"So Laurie, seeing anyone special at college?" Kitty asks her daughter pleasantly. 

"Oh, I like to date around." Laurie replies. 

"Slut-choum!" Eric 'sneezes'. 

"Well, bless you," responds Kitty, completely missing the obvious insult. 

"Thanks mom. Hey, uh, Dad, instead of being at your party this year, maybe I could throw a party in the basement. I mean, I think I'm old enough," suggests Eric, while Kitty laughs in response. 

"Fine." Red grunts out in his usual manner. 

"Fine?" Kitty and Laurie are both surprised. Red caved so easily, it was very unlike him. 

"Well every year, he just mopes around here like it's the end of the world anyway." Red grouses. 

"Alright! Thanks dad!" Eric was quite surprised and ecstatic. 

This doesn't sit well with Kitty, however. "So now, who's going to sing the high parts on 'The Little Drummer Boy'?" she pouts. 

Laurie looks at Eric with a smirk, "Well, traditionally, it's the man who can't grow facial hair." 

Ignoring Laurie, Eric decides things are going so well he may as well ask... "Hey dad, uh, one more thing about the party… I need some money." He finishes nervously and waits for a nasty response. 

"Alright Eric. I want you to pick out this year's tree. And whatever you don't spend, you can use for your party." Red replies, reaching for his wallet. 

"Hey dad, you know how much I hate haggling with those tree…" the scrawny boy trails off. 

"Haggling is part of being an adult. Now, here's forty dollars." Red retorts, and hands Eric two twenties. 

"I want fifty." Eric demands. 

"Knock it off!" shouts Red. Apparently the man did have his limits, even at this holiest time of year.

"Oh. Sure." Eric replies and tucks the money into a pocket. 

"Pick out a good one." Red warns. 

"Okay fine, throw your party. But can I at least make you some punch and cookies?" Kitty asks exasperatedly. 

"Mom, no." replies Eric, obviously uncomfortable. 

"Just punch," she suggests. 

"No mom." 

"Well you can't have a Christmas party without punch! That, that's just insanity!" exclaims Kitty. 

A FOREST ON THE INTERSTATE 

Kelso is sawing away at a tree on the other side of the guardrail, while Hyde and Eric stand watch in the cold. 

"Forman man, would you relax?" Hyde says to a nervous looking Eric. "This is a good plan. We cut down the tree and keep the forty bucks for beer!" Eric continues looking in the distance for trouble. 

His persistance pays off. "Car!" Eric shouts, and Hyde and Eric duck down. 

Kelso stupidly pops up to look into traffic, "Where?" 

"Kelso, car means get down!" Eric reminds him. Kelso returns to sawing at the tree. He saws a bit more than gets up; the tree is still standing, "Okay, I'm done." 

"No, I disagree Kelso. See, if you were done the tree would probably be more horizontal." Eric points out. 

"No, I mean I'm done!" Kelso retorts, obviously not intending to saw anymore. 

"Car!" Hyde shouts, and all three of them duck this time. 

"Alright, cut it yourself!" shouts Kelso, while handing Hyde the saw. 

"Fine, Kelso!" Hyde hands the saw to Eric. "Do you believe him?" 

Eric takes the saw and heads toward the still standing Forman Christmas Tree. "Oh, come on Hyde, did you have to write your name in the snow so close to the tree?" he exclaims from under the tree. 

"Sorry." Hyde replies, with no real remorse on his face as he snuggles deeper into his coat and Eric starts sawing away at the tree. 

FORMAN DRIVEWAY 

Eric and Kelso are struggling to get the tree down off the top of the Vista Cruiser. 

"Now we got forty bucks for beer! You know what else we should do? Not get any presents!" Kelso exclaims loudly, excited as he falls under the tree and gets back up again. "No presents! That way we got more money for beer!" 

"Hey, shut up!" admonishes Eric, as Midge and Kitty come out the kitchen door into the driveway. 

"Oh Eric, this is the most beautiful tree I think we have ever had! Oh, and it's just, it's so fresh!" Kitty says with pride, while touching the tree. A bird flies out at her from inside the tree. Kitty ducks and heads back into the house. 

Hyde takes Midge aside. "Mrs. Pinciotti? Look, I was thinking of getting a present for this girl, and um, you know, she's about Donna's age, so I was kinda wondering what Donna likes," he asks politely. _Maybe her mom will have a better idea than Donna did. I know she's a space cadet, a hot space cadet, but she has to know what her daughter likes._

"Perfume!" Midge exclaims. "Donna wears 'White Shoulders'. It's not just for shoulders, you can wear it anywhere." Midge continues. 

"Really?" Hyde replies, suggestively, thinking of Midge's shoulders and working his way down... _Focus!_

"Sure, like your neck or the mall." Midge is completely ignorant of Hyde's tone. 

"Wow, uh, alright well, how much does a bottle of that run?" he asks nervously. 

"Um, about twelve dollars," replies Midge while thinking. 

"Um. Well, what about a bottle of crappy perfume? What does that run?" Hyde asks. _I don't want to give her crappy perfume, but I definitely only have six bucks..._

"Gosh, I don't know. I'll call Bob's mom!" Midge suggests, not even realizing the burn she's tossing him. She turns around and heads for home, and Laurie comes out of the house. 

"Oh, you did not get this from a lot! You stole it!" snaps Laurie, looking scornfully at Eric. 

"I haggled." Eric defends. 

"With who, Smoky the Bear? You stole it," she replies snippily. 

"Well, I mean you're the one to talk, you're flunking out of college." Eric retorts. 

"How'd you know?" Laurie responds, rather unpleasantly surprised by the sudden turn of events. 

"I didn't." Eric responds, smirking. _Now I've finally got something on the bitch…what a wonderful day… $40 for beer and Laurie's in my grasp..._

"Shut up!" Laurie shouts, eager to escape the confrontation now that Eric's blown her cover. 

"Shut up!" Eric shouts back. 

"You shut up!" 

"You shut up!" 

"Okay." 

"Okay." 

FORMAN LIVING ROOM 

Laurie, Kitty, and Bernice are decorating the Christmas tree. Laurie is standing on a ladder, hanging a decoration on the front of the tree. 

"Okay now, be careful with this one, it's very, very old." Kitty admonishes. 

"Oh, it looks terrible! Laurie, Laurie, hang that one around on the backside." Bernice replies, obviously trying to upset Kitty. 

"Okay Grandma." Laurie replies, reaching behind the tree with the decoration. 

"Oh, and Kitty, you got two red ones together." Bernice points out nastily, taking another puff of her cigarette. 

"Uh uh, so I do. Thank you Bernice." Kitty says nervously, obviously biting back her frustration at the bitter older woman, Red's mother. 

Eric chooses this moment to slide down the banister into the living room. 

Laurie looks in his direction and bites out, "Eric, help me hang these stupid ornaments." 

"I can't, I'm planning a party." Eric reminds her, reveling in her distaste. 

"I don't get it, how come the Little Drummer Boy gets to have a party." Laurie whines. 

"Because I asked, you stupid sister." Eric retorts, never one to miss an opportunity for a good Laurie burn. 

"That's not clever." Laurie replies in her defense, obviously disgusted. 

Eric just continues to rub his newfound freedom from his parent's party in, "I don't have time to be clever. I'm planning a party, miss dumb girl." With that, he takes off to the basement, as the doorbell rings. 

Bernice heads for the door, "I'll get it." She opens the door up to Jackie and three of her friends. 

"Oh, hi, is Michael here?" inquires the perky brunette cheerleader. 

"There's no Michael here. You have the wrong address," retorts Bernice, slamming the door in their faces. 

FORMAN KITCHEN 

"Michael, I want you to drive me and my friends around on Christmas Eve." Jackie demands. 

"Why?" asks a baffled sounding Kelso. 

"To distribute gift baskets to the less fortunate bums," she informs him. 

"Okay, but we better be back in time for the party." Kelso says emphatically, as he concedes. 

"Yes, perhaps you lovely ladies would like to join us?" Fez inquires of Jackie's friends. 

"I don't think so," replies the first blonde cheerleader. 

"Well, we are supposed to be helping the less fortunate," the second pipes in. 

The third one adds, "Okay." 

Hyde is across the kitchen, gesturing for Jackie to come over, "Hey Jackie, come here." 

"Why?" she retorts. 

"Just come here!" he exclaims, clearly annoyed. 

"Hyde, if you wanna make out with me, the answer's probably no." she snaps, as she makes her way across the kitchen. _Not that he'd ask me, although I'm obviously so much prettier than that big lumerjack. I wonder what the deal is with those two now. Weeks of trying to pry information out of Donna and I've got nothing!  _

"Well, okay, look Jackie, I know this girl right and I wanna get her a Christmas present." Hyde begins hesitantly. 

"Oh my God it's Donna!" exclaims a shocked looking Jackie. _Act surprised, shocked, amazed. Which shouldn't be hard. Looks like Nancy Drew has found a clue!_

"It's not Donna," denies Hyde, rather unconvincingly. 

"Okay, it's not Donna." Jackie temporarily concedes. "So, how much do you have to spend?" 

"Six dollars," he replies with a pitiful look on his face. 

"You don't deserve a girl like Donna for six dollars," the perky cheerleader promptly informs him. 

"I'm not trying to get Donna!" Hyde replies rather emphatically. 

"Good, 'cause you won't for six dollars!" Jackie bites out. 

"You know what? Thanks a lot, never mind, bye-bye," he replies, as he turns her around and pushes her back toward her friends. Jackie, her friends, and Kelso wisely choose this moment to leave. 

"We will see you tomorrow, babes." Fez shouts after them, and he turns back to Hyde. "May I ask you a question?" 

"Sure." Hyde replies. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Fez accuses. 

"What?" Hyde denies. 

"Buying Donna a gift. You know Eric likes her." 

"I know man, but you know, they're not officially…" Hyde attempts to defend his actions, but is cut off. 

"Still, in my country, I would string you from the tallest tree." Fez informs him vehemently. 

"We're not in your country Fez." Hyde reminds him. 

"Right, so good luck with Donna!" Fez replies. 

FORMAN KITCHEN 

Laurie and Bernice come in carrying lots of brown grocery bags. 

"We're back from the store!" Laurie shouts to her mother. 

"Kitty, I made a few changes on your groceries list. I don't like your taste in dip." Bernice adds, snippily. 

Laurie heads over to the punch bowl, and attempts to drink some but Kitty stops her before she can take a single sip. "No. Oh Laurie, no, no, no, no, no. The punch is for Eric's party. Here, why don't you take this tonic out to the bar, make sure we have enough rum and vodka." 

"All that rum and vodka! Kitty, you have a problem!" Bernice accuses. 

"It's for the party Bernice." Kitty replies, looking tired and annoyed due to the time she's spent accommodating the horrible older woman all day long. 

"Oh, that's convenient. All I know is that my Red didn't start to drink until he met you." Bernice snaps. 

"And I didn't start to drink until I met you." Kitty informs her in a rather snide voice, and then uncomfortably laughs as she realizes she's said this out loud. She tries to change to subject by 'cheerfully' adding, "Merry Christmas! Okay Bernice, here, help me get more of the party supplies." 

They walk out, and Laurie walks into the kitchen with a bottle of alcohol. She opens it and proceeds to pour its entire contents into the punch bowl. "Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum!" she adds snidely. 

THE BASEMENT 

Donna is making the final touches on the tree's decorations as Eric comes up behind her with some mistletoe, which he hangs over them. 

"This should probably go here." Eric says suggestively. 

"Mistletoe?" Donna looks at him, and raises her eyebrows, clearly amused. 

Eric attempts to play it off, "Yeah, well it's really more for decoration." 

"Is that a fact, neighbor?" Donna teases. 

"Um, no." Eric replies. 

Eric leans in to kiss her, but is interrupted by Kelso and Hyde, who come in with grocery bags. Hyde looks pissed at what he's walked in to, but he quickly covers it before Eric notices. At the same time, Kitty and Laurie start to head downstairs as well. 

"Hey Eric, where do we put the beer?" Kelso loudly inquires, not realizing the stupidity of asking that right then, with Kitty and Laurie heading downstairs. 

"Put it in the ice chest! SHHH! SHH!" Eric informs him, chastising. 

"Okay now, here you go. Punch and cookies just like I promised." Kitty says, clearly having ignored Eric's earlier protests. 

"No, mom! Mom!" Eric emphatically replies, clearly embarrassed. 

"Eric, mom made it for you. The least you could do is drink a lot of it!" Laurie intones with a smirk on her face. I'm gonna love seeing the results of this… 

Kitty puts her arms around Eric and Laurie's shoulders. "You know, you two, you are just the best Christmas present a mother could have," she informs them, while hugging them close. 

Laurie, unbeknownst to Kitty, reaches behind and smacks Eric upside the head. Eric retaliates in kind, and Kitty leaves. 

Kelso, seeing an opportunity to hit on Laurie, attempts to make his way over. He jumps over the sofa, gets his foot caught on a cushion, and bangs his shin on the table in the process. He gets up and struts over. "Hello Laurie," he says silkily, trying to act all cool. 

"Kelso." Laurie replies, snidely and breezily at the same time, if that's even possible. 

"So, uh, um, cool!" he stammers, as Fez comes in carrying a bag. 

"Hey Fez." Donna greets him. 

"Merry Christmas," he replies and looks in the direction of the punch bowl, "Oh, punch." He adds excitedly. 

"Yeah, can I pour you some?" Laurie offers, with a giant smirk on her face. 

"No thank you, but if you would like, you can bend over and put my gift under the tree." Fez replies suggestively. 

"Oh, gifts? I thought we said no gifts!" Kelso panics. 

"No Kelso, you said no gifts." Eric bluntly reminds him, rolling his eyes. 

"What's Christmas without gifts?" Donna adds. _I can't believe he's really this dumb…_

"Yeah man, where is your heart?" inquires Hyde. He glanced at the mistletoe again. _That is too good of an opportunity to pass up, even if I do get slapped. Gotta work the mistletoe angle, and soon._

"Nobody tells me anything around here! Now I gotta go get something for Jackie. She'll kill me!" Kelso informs them, clearly fearing the wrath of his prissy cheerleader girlfriend. 

"Hey, cheer up, have some punch!" Laurie suggests, holding up a glass with a smirk. 

"I don't want any punch. I gotta get a gift for Jackie!" Kelso replies, panicked, then remembering he was trying to impress Laurie, add a rather unconvincing, "Who I'm breaking up with." 

BARGAIN BOB'S 

Red is alone and watching 'The Little Drummer Boy' on TV as Kelso runs into the store. 

"Hi Mr. Forman," greets a rather frantic looking Kelso. 

"Kelso, what are you doing here? It's Christmas Eve." Red inquires, wondering why he's not over at Eric's party with the rest of the 'homeless' kids that seemed to think they lived at his house. 

"I know, I'm looking for a Christmas gift. You know you're the only place in this whole town that's open?" Kelso responds, clearly anxious and grasping at straws to get Jackie a decent Christmas present. 

"Yeah, I know." Red replies, clearly annoyed and dejected. _Why do I have to spend Christmas Eve here, when no one in their right mind would spend their Christmas Eve looking at refrigerators. Kelso's obviously not in his right mind, but then again everyone already knows that… _

"What can I get for seventeen dollars?" Kelso asks desperately. 

"Well, we've got some really nice heavy-duty extension cords," mocks Red. 

"No. How much is that refrigerator?" Kelso asks, gesturing toward the fridge. 

THE BASEMENT 

"Hello Ladies. So glad you could make it. Now, may I get you something to drink? We have beer you know." Fez replies suggestively, obviously hoping to get some action. 

"What else do you have?" the first blonde cheerleader asks, obviously not interested in their beer; Fez either, for that matter. 

"We have punch, but we also have beer!" Fez exclaims, trying his best to charm her into taking the beer. 

"Punch is fine," she replies, rolling her eyes. 

"Punch it is, ok. Would you like to chase down that punch with a nice beer?" he inquires in a teasing manner. 

BARGAIN BOB'S 

Red and Kelso are seated on a couple of crates, playing Pong. 

"Oh, I am kicking your ass!" Red exclaims, laughing. _As dumb as Kelso is, it's better than being stuck here alone. And I love kicking his ass at Pong. _

"Good game Mr. Forman!" exclaims Kelso, clearly enjoying himself as he sets down the paddle and gets up. 

"Oh, you're leaving?" asks Red, clearly disappointed. 

"Yeah." Kelso answers, and sighs. 

"Oh, come on now! Come on! We'll play another game." Red pleads, clearly not looking forward to spending the rest of the night alone in an empty store. 

"No, Jackie's waiting for me, I really…" Kelso begins reluctantly and trails off. 

"One more game. Come on! Come on!" exclaims Red. 

Kelso gives up trying to leave, sits back down and continues playing. 

THE BASEMENT 

Fez is pouring the perky blonde cheerleaders some punch. The bowl is half full now, and the girls are all over him. He's obviously relishing all the attention. 

"You know who you remind me of? Freddie Prinze," the first one says. 

"No, Riccardo Modelblond," the second replies while looking at her friend. 

"You said model blonde," the third one points out to her friend. 

"Okay, shut up," the first one snaps to her friends, before turning in Fez's direction and saying seductively, "Okay Fez, I want you to say something like really slow." 

"Hello my darlings. And when I say hello, you know what I mean." Fez drawls in a deep suggestive tone. 

A rather drunken Jackie strolls up and puts her arm around Fez's shoulders. "Hey, he was my friend first!" she slurs. 

Hyde looks to Donna from his place on the dryer, wistful for a second before gesturing toward Fez and his 'collection' of cheerleaders. "Man, what's going on with the pep squad?" he asks. 

"Yeah, they seem extra stupid tonight." Donna adds, suspicious. _Why does he have to keep looking at me like that? I wonder if he got me something for Christmas. I can't give him mine until he gives me his. And if he doesn't give me a present... I guess that means... _

Kelso comes in at that moment, effectively stopping Donna's internal dialogue. He walks over to Jackie and hands her something wrapped in a brown paper bag. "Jackie, this is for you." He informs her. 

"Oh, Michael, what is it?" Jackie inquires, clearly drunk and more than a little excited as she takes it out of the bag. "It's hot rollers! And with steam!" she exclaims with enthusiasm. 

FORMAN LIVING ROOM 

The women are sitting at the piano drunkenly singing Christmas carols as Red comes in from the back. 

"Hiya Red. How did it go tonight?" Bob asks, curious. 

"Well, I sold a set of hot rollers Bob and … a pong game." Red replies, clearly hinting that he was the one who bought the pong game. 

The doorbell rings. 

"I'll get it." Midge replies, and opens the door to two policemen standing on the front porch. "May I help you?" she asks. 

"Ma 'am, do you own a 1969 tan Oldsmobile station wagon in the driveway?" the first officer asks in a menacing tone. 

"No, I don't." she replies densely, obviously not following what the officer is hinting at. 

"Do you know who does?" he asks again, clearly irritated. 

"Yes, I do. " Midge replies. 

"Could you get them please?" he inquires, annoyed. 

"Sure," she says finally cluing in. She turns around and looks around the living room, "Red!" 

"Sir, we believe your vehicle was involved in the unlawful removal of state property," the first officer informs Red. 

"What?" Red asks, clearly puzzled, and more than a little annoyed. 

"We're gonna have to confiscate that tree," the first officer continues. 

"The tree? No, I mean… no, it's all done, I mean… I mean look at it… Do you, I'm… NO!" Kitty exclaims, panicking as she puts herself in front of the tree as a body shield. 

THE BASEMENT 

Hyde walks over and offers Donna a gift. 

"Hey, I got you something. It's no big deal, but you know, Christmas," he says with a nervous smile on his face. 

"Suddenly Hyde is getting bashful?" Donna teases as she unwraps it. _He got me a gift! OK, calm down. She looks at it in surprise and awe, "Oh, wow! This is great!"_

"Well, what is it?" Eric asks, walking over. _Why is Hyde giving her gifts? He never buys stuff for other people, he just steals from them. Buddy can't be right about them. I mean, he's my best friend and I'm practically dating Donna. Granted she's kind of cooled off lately, but… _

 "It's a picture of me and Hyde!" Donna informs him while looking at the picture fondly. _So not only did he get me a gift, he got me a sweet gift. That has to mean something, right? Oh god, my gift doesn't even compare to this! But if he understands what it means like I think maybe he will, and if Eric doesn't understand what it means. Wait, did I have any of that punch? __This is like, the nicest gift ever!_

 "Yeah, yeah, it's me and you in fifth grade. I've had it in my drawer forever so I just framed it." Hyde replies, obviously trying to play it off. _Man, I'm pathetic… But she seems to like it. And it looks like Forman doesn't. He got her that damn perfume, even though it was my idea first. You know what, it's just stupid old Christmas presents, it doesn't matter anyway._

 "That is so sweet." Donna replies, and looks at Hyde fondly. 

"Yeah, that is so sweet." Eric agrees, a hint of suspicion evident in his voice, as he bends over and gets a package from under the tree. "Hey, look, why don't you open my present?" he adds, clearly trying to upstage Hyde. 

Donna takes the gift from Eric and opens it. "Oh, White Shoulders! I love this stuff, thank you!" she exclaims in slightly forced tone. _Eric's gift is nice, but Hyde's really came from the heart…_ She pulls herself out of her thoughts and kisses Eric on the cheek. 

Eric looks pleased, somehow missing the forced tone, or perhaps convincing himself it wasn't truly there, "You're welcome." 

Donna looks at the two gifts, mentally comparing them. She squints to have a better look at the picture. "Oh, Oh my god! You can see my training bra through my shirt!" she exclaims. 

"Yeah, I remember that training bra!" Hyde replies with a smirk on his face. 

"Gee, um, I wish I got you something like…" Eric begins, and trails off, realizing the enormity of his mistake in trying to impress Donna with an extravagant gift. 

"Man, dude, it's nothing." Hyde attempts to reassure him, still uneasy about his own gift choice. 

"It's not nothing. This is so thoughtful. It's the sweetest thing any one's given me!" Donna informs him with a happy look on her face. She leans in and gives him a kiss on the cheek, and then reluctantly turns to Eric. "Next to the perfume," she informs him, trying to convince both him and herself of that very fact. 

"Right, well I wrapped it myself. I know how you like things… wrapped so…" Eric boasts, puffing out his chest before he trails off. 

"Wait here for a second! Both of you!" Donna exclaims, and goes and grabs two gifts from under the tree. She hands one to Hyde and one to Eric. "Merry Christmas! Now open up!" She shifts her gaze from one to the other, a nervous expectant look on her face when she looks in Hyde's direction. Eric misses this though as he tears open his gift. 

"Oh wow, the new Kiss album! Donna, thank you!" Eric exclaims, as he gets up and goes to give her a kiss on the cheek. 

They both turn around and wait for Hyde to open his gift. He opens it to reveal a sand candle. Jackie seeing it, exclaims, "OH MY GOD DONNA!" _That's what I told her to get for Eric when she liked him! And she's giving one to Hyde too! That slut. I'm impressed._

Eric gets an uncomfortable look on his face, thinking back to his birthday when Donna gave him the very same thing and the kiss that occurred after. However, neither he nor Hyde gets a chance to react to this, as Red comes downstairs. 

"ERIC, before you explain the beer, maybe you can tell me why there are two State Troopers in the living room confiscating our Christmas tree." Red demands, clearly reigning his angry in with a very short leash. 

  
"Oh, that, um, funny story and a true story, you're gonna laugh…" Eric begins nervously and trails off, completely forgetting about Hyde and Donna for the minute. 

"Get to the point!" Red snaps. 

"We cut down a tree of the side of the interstate." Eric informs him remorsefully, clearly embarrassed by their actions. 

"Well, that's just great Eric. Now, the party's over, you're grounded and I want what's left of my forty bucks." Red snidely informs him. 

"Kelso, give it to him." Eric replies, resigned. 

"Oh, no!" Red shouts, realizing that was the money Kelso spent at the store earlier. 

"Yeah, I sorta spent it on Jackie's gift." Kelso confirms, clearly afraid of the furious Red, while looking down at his shoes. 

Jackie gets up from the tricycle she was sitting on and runs over to Kelso. "Oh Michael, my hot rollers! You got in trouble for me Michael? Oh, I love you Michael!" she drunkenly exclaims, all kissy faced, and grabs him into a hug. He puts his arm around her as she turns and faces everyone. 

"Oh, God Bless us everyone!" the first blonde bimbo cheerleader slurs out. 

"And Hyde and Donna are in looooove!" she exclaims. 

Eric looks shocked. _OK, Buddy never said anything about love here.  What the hell?!_

"Whoa, she's crazy man!" Hyde exclaims in an attempt to defend himself. 

"So crazy!" Donna chimes in, glancing at Hyde nervously. 

"Eric, what the hell is going on here? Have these girls been drinking?" Red asks Eric angrily. 

"No, look, dad, I swear, just mom's punch!" Eric exclaims, obviously afraid. Between Donna and Hyde…and now Red, _what a crappy Christmas._

Red walks over to the punch bowl and tries some. "Lousy with hooch!" he exclaims, getting more furious by the minute. 

"You see, you see Red? She's drunk man, that's drunk talk! False!" Hyde continues very defensively, yet unconvincingly. He tosses a quick glance to Donna, looking to see what her response will be. 

"Lies! All lies!" Donna adds, more unconvincingly than Hyde, if that were possible, and looks down and wrenches her hands. 

"Come on Jackie, I'll take you and the sob sisters home. Eric, the rest of that beer goes into my refrigerator. Donna, your father is upstairs I suggest you join him. Steven, you help Eric clean up and Kelso… go home!" Red orders, effectively breaking the party up. 

Fez turns to Eric and pleads, "Eric, do something! Your father is taking my women!" 

"Thanks for the gifts guys. Merry Christmas." Donna says, and turns toward the stairs, grateful for the opportunity to avoid the much needed discussions with both Eric and Hyde, for the moment anyway. _Damn those sand candles. Damn that punch! _She gives both Eric and Hyde one last kiss on the cheek in thanks for her gifts, though Hyde's kiss lasts a few seconds longer than it should. 

_He got her a sentimental gift like she wanted, and I got her perfume. Stupid stupid stupid! _Eric keeps his mouth shut, however and looks down at his KISS album. _Maybe she just really likes sand candles. She could be giving them to everyone. Donna would never do anything with Hyde, he's my best friend. And she kissed me first. That means something. I think. _


	7. Ski Trip

Sorry it took me so long to get this next chapter up...had a bit of writer's block...anyway, here it is...I hope you all enjoy and r & r...as usual I don't own anything affiliated with T7S...if only I did...*sigh*  
  
POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN  
JANUARY 13TH, 1977  
THURSDAY AFTERNOON  
ERIC FORMAN'S BASEMENT  
  
Eric, Hyde, and Fez are checking out a map.  
  
"Alright guys, this is no sweat. If we leave right after school, we should make it to Jackie's ski cabin by like six o'clock." Eric informs the other two as he folds up the map.  
  
"Man, I can't wait. A trip to my favorite place. Anywhere but here," replies Hyde. Should be nice to get out of this smelly basement for awhile…and maybe I'll get a shot with Donna…no wait, she'll probably be sharing a room with Forman! Dammit… He turns and glares at Eric for a second, which goes unnoticed by Eric, as he's still folding up the map.  
  
Eric looks up and continues, in a vain attempt to sound cool, "And I'm betting that Alpine Valley is gonna give the Kid many make out opportunities with Donna this weekend. The Kid is in."  
  
"What's with the whole 'Kid' thing?" Hyde asks, sarcastically while doing some serious eye rolling. Man, Forman can be pretty strange at times…I wonder what Donna finds so great about him…  
  
"It's cool…" Eric begins cockily, but trails off. "It's not cool?" he continues, uncertain.  
  
"Not cool, dorky." Fez is only too happy to point out.  
  
Kelso chooses this moment to walk in with a huge smile on his face, clearly elated. "Guess who made out with Pam Macy behind the gym?" he giddily exclaims.  
  
"Everyone," answers Hyde, never one to pass up a good Kelso burn. Why are we STILL hanging out with this guy…?  
  
"No, me!" Kelso shouts, clearly confused by and completely missing Hyde's burn.  
  
"Kelso, a lot of people hang out behind the gym." Eric replies tiredly.  
  
Kelso, completely missing the point replies, "Yeah, that's what's so great about it. Everybody saw it!"  
  
"Oh, that's great man! Yeah, because then everybody can tell Jackie you moron!" Hyde retorts bluntly, his voice laced with sarcasm. I swear when God was handing out brains, Kelso here must've missed the lineup…  
  
"Yeah, and then she's gonna dump you and we won't be able to go up to her ski cabin!" Eric informs him, clearly angry at the prospect of missing a nice skiing weekend with Donna.  
  
"She's never gonna find out." Kelso replies cockily.  
  
However Jackie chooses this moment to walk in, and quickly disprove Kelso's theory by shouting at the top of her lungs, "You are a dog Michael, a dirty dirty dog!"  
  
"What did I do?" Kelso asks, clearly trying to play innocent, and failing miserably.  
  
"You kissed Pam Macy!" Fez unnecessarily points out.  
  
Kelso shrieks in humiliation, as he realizes his 'innocent' act wasn't working with Jackie this time.  
  
Jackie continues shouting at Kelso, and puts her hands on her hips. She was clearly very angry, "I trusted you Michael, and now all my friends are laughing at me. I can't even show my face in the third floor bathroom anymore! And that's the cool bathroom!"  
  
"But, I…" Kelso begins, trying once again to defend himself, but gets cut off by a rather furious, Jackie.  
  
"No Michael. We're through," she replies, calmly but furiously. She adds emphasis to this by moving her arm around in a gesture of finality.  
  
"Okay, if that's the way you want it, we're through. And Monday, when we get back from that ski trip, it's over!" Kelso exclaims, frustrated. However he has no intentions on missing out on a free ski weekend.  
  
"No Michael, no, no, no, no, no. You won't be skiing this weekend," responds Jackie, clearly admonishing him, fully intending to exclude him as punishment for his cheating ways.  
  
"Oh, that's just great Jackie. Cancel the ski trip and disappoint all our friends!" Kelso exclaims, clearly in an effort to salvage the trip, mainly for his own benefit. I also don't want them all frogging me cuz they missed out on the weekend…I'd never hear the end of it…  
  
"Oh no no no. We are still going." Jackie replies, while slapping both Eric and Fez's thighs, and thus ignoring Kelso. That'll teach him for kissing that slut Pam Macy…  
  
"Well, they're surely not going without me. Right guys?" Kelso asks, looking at both Eric and Fez with a desperate look on his face. His question only meets with silence, and his look becomes more and more frantic.  
  
"Oh, and did I mention my parents are not coming? So it'll be just us…" Jackie informs them, to seal the deal.  
  
Eric turns to Kelso with open arms and exclaims, "So we'll see you Monday!"  
  
FORMAN DRIVEWAY  
  
Hyde is holding onto a rolled up sleeping bag as he walks over to Donna.  
  
"Hey Donna man, I brought my double sleeping bag, you know?" Hyde remarks suggestively. Chances are she'll have some snide comment all ready for me, but what the hell....  
  
"Great! Can Eric and I borrow it?" Donna responds sarcastically, and rolls her eyes. Somehow I had to know he'd try this...can't let it continue though, cuz Eric, my boyfriend, will get suspicious...she tries to convince herself, but as she's walking away, she can't help but look over her shoulder and smile at Hyde as he puts his sleeping bag into the truck of the Cruiser.  
  
"Oh Hyde, watching you fail over and over… it is like Charlie Brown and the football!" Fez exclaims giddily.  
  
"Yeah man, I just don't get it." Hyde responds, dejected, and more than a little disappointed.  
  
"No, because Eric already has it!" Fez exclaims, laughing. Hyde looks over at him, clearly not amused; he stops laughing.  
  
FORMAN KITCHEN  
  
Eric walks into the kitchen with a sleeping bag, only to find Kelso waiting for him.  
  
"Oh. Hey Kelso, um, look, I just wanna make sure we're cool 'cause this weekend is like really important for me and Donna…so thanks for understanding." Eric begins uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah, I understand," Kelso begins dejected, then shouts, "I understand that we're not friends anymore!"  
  
"Okay, look man, you brought this on yourself." Eric responds exasperated.  
  
"I know I did, but that's no reason for me to suffer!" Kelso exclaims, failing to understand why someone as man pretty as himself should be excluded from anything. Especially an unsupervised ski weekend.  
  
"No that is a great reason for you to suffer! What…? I'm going!" Eric responds, disgusted. He turns around and walks out to the driveway, leaving Kelso behind.  
  
"Fine, go! See if I care! Oh, come on man! We're…" Kelso begins, trying to make it look like he doesn't care. Seeing that Eric isn't going to turn around he chases after him, only to find everyone else all packed up and ready to go. He stops in his tracks, apparently not believing they would actually leave without him.  
  
FORMAN DRIVEWAY  
  
"Well, here's your emergency roadside kit." Red says, while handing Eric a box full of stuff.  
  
"Kitty litter?" Eric asks, looking confused, then upon Red's 'look', "Oh, kitty litter, right!"  
  
"Um honey, I put some sandwiches in your duffel bag. Now, um, why do you need such a big bag of oregano?" Kitty asks, looking at their luggage through the back window of the Cruiser.  
  
"Donna's Italian?…" Eric begins nervously, by way of explanation, but trails off. This causes Kitty to start laughing, and Eric follows her around the car. He stops and heads toward the driver's side door.  
  
"Okay, stay warm!" Kitty admonishes in her protective motherly way, as Eric starts the car.  
  
"Okay, I see what's going on! You're not really going skiing! This is all just a gag! You're just trying to get me all worked up so you can go: 'Oh just kidding buddy!' Yeah, you got me. That's a nice burn!" Kelso exclaims, obviously still not willing to believe that they were actually leaving him behind.  
  
"It sure is… bye-bye." Eric responds mockingly. Why do we still hang out with this guy...seriously? Eric gets into the car and starts backing out of the driveway. Red and Kitty wave to the departing car.  
  
"Oh, he's not going! He'll be back! Yup, any second now… he's probably just going around the block. I gotta hand it to him. He got me there! That's a major burn! Yup… There he is!" the ever hopeful Kelso continues to Red and Kitty, who look upon him with a combination of pity for his plight, and annoyance at his stupidity. They turn and look at each other, then turn back toward the house, leaving Kelso alone in the driveway.  
  
Kelso looks down the street and sees a car turning the corner. Thinking that it's Eric and the gang..."I knew it!" Then upon realising it's not them, "Uh, no, that's not him." Even after this, he continues looking down the street, hoping that Eric will come back for him.  
  
VISTA CRUISER  
  
"I have never seen snow before! It is so beautiful!" Fez exclaims, looking out the window in awe.  
  
"Do you know what the best part of this whole trip is? That Michael is not here! He'd just be sitting here, telling me how cute I look in my fur-trimmed coat. I know I look cute, I don't need him here for that." Jackie vents.  
  
Hyde, meanwhile is looking through the box of things Red gave Eric, "Forman man, what's all this crap that Red gave you?" What the hell do we need all this crap for?  
  
Eric glances over with a look of annoyance on his face, "I don't know, he's obsessed with kitty litter. I think he might be going insane."  
  
The car skids and everyone screams until the car suddenly stops...then silence...  
  
"Far out!" Hyde exclaims, clearly impressed.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Donna asks in annoyance.  
  
"I don't know, I guess we hit some ice." replies Eric, by way of explanation. He proceeds to step on the gas, but the car won't move as its tires are stuck in the snow. "Oh great, we stuck," he explains and throws up his hands in frustration.  
  
Everyone except Jackie gets out of the car to see how badly it's stuck.   
  
Fez comes around the car cradling a snowball in his hands. "Look, I made my first snow ball! I love snow so much my fingers are numb with joy!" he exclaims gleefully.  
  
"That's frostbite Fez." Donna replies with annoyance.  
  
"How rude!" Fez exclaims, and throws down the snowball with anger. "I hate your white men's winter!"  
  
"Get in the car Fez, get in the car." Donna tells him. Fez gets in the car.  
  
"Eric, do something!" Jackie frustratedly exclaims.  
  
"Yeah man, stop goofing around!" adds Hyde. Man, it's cold out here...and look at Donna...she must be freezing...come on Forman, fix this damn car already...  
  
Donna glances behind her at Eric and Hyde before getting back into the car.   
  
Hyde tries to help Eric by handing him the roadside kit. "Wow, it's freezing!" he tosses over his shoulder as he climbs back into the car as well, leaving Eric alone in the snow.  
  
VISTA CRUISER, LATER  
  
Eric is still trying to get the car moving again out in the snow.  
  
"This is awful! We're all going to die! And I love Michael!" Jackie exclaims, somewhat melodramatically.  
  
"Shut up!" Hyde, Donna, and Fez exclaim. They are clearly starting to get annoyed.   
  
Outside...  
  
"Okay, think Eric, think! Why kitty litter?" Eric says, tapping his feet and trying to concentrate.  
  
All of a sudden, Red's face appears in the night sky.  
  
"Use the gum Eric." Red's face advises.  
  
"Dad, what are you doing here?" asks Eric, clearly confused by his presence.  
  
"I'm not here, you're imagining me. Now's who's insane mister smart mouth?" Red's face snaps.  
  
"I guess I am." replies Eric, dejectedly. Of all the people I could conjure up, why did it have to be him...?  
  
"Use the gum to stick the candle in the can. The candle heats the can which melts the snow behind the tire. Then pour on the kitty litter for traction. Now you think you can handle that?" Red's face asks, clearly annoyed now.  
  
"Yes sir." Eric replies, military style.  
  
"Good, because you don't want me back out here. I may be a figment of your imagination, but I'm still freezing my ass off." Red's face snaps, and shivers.  
  
THE BASEMENT  
  
Kelso is sitting alone as Kitty comes down the stairs.  
  
"Michael, what are you doing down here?" she asks as she sits down beside him on the couch.  
  
"You know what? I think Eric actually went. What a jerk!" Kelso responds, astonished and hurt that his friends actually left without him.  
  
"Well, why don't you just go to Jackie's cabin and talk to him?" Kitty advises him.  
  
"I can't. I don't have a car, and besides, Jackie hates me forever because I kissed Pam Macy." Kelso explains, clearly distressed.  
  
"You know, when Mr. Forman and I were dating., I saw him kissing a girl in a movie theatre once and I forgave him."  
Kitty informs him.  
  
"You forgave him for kissing another girl?" Kelso asks, somewhat surprised.  
  
"Yes sir. I mean it wasn't, it wasn't so much kissing as it was a groping, sloppy, pawing, nibbling nightmare." Kitty exclaims, clearly not over the incident she just described. Then she begins to laugh in that uncomfortable way of hers.  
  
"But, but you forgave him!" Kelso exclaims, relieved.  
  
"Yeah, I forgave the bastard!" Kitty responds, unenthusiastically.  
  
"Cool!" Kelso replies. He gets up and leaves, intent on getting to the ski cabin to talk to Jackie.  
  
A TRUCK  
  
A truck stops and Kelso gets in. The trucker looks at him with 'interest'.  
  
"Well, hello there!" Gus, the trucker greets, somewhat suggestively.  
  
"Hey, thanks for stopping. Are you going all the way to Alpine Valley?" Kelso asks, just glad that someone actually stopped.  
  
"Oh, I'm going… wherever you're going!" Gus responds, clearly coming on to Kelso.  
  
"Wow, that's lucky!" Kelso exclaims, completely ignorant of the come on tone Gus is using with him.  
  
Gus starts the truck and it begins to move. "So, did it hurt?" Gus asks, putting the moves on.  
  
"What?" Kelso asks, confused.  
  
"When you fell down from heaven!" Gus exclaims with a licentious grin.  
  
"No, I'm fine!" Kelso responds dumbly.  
  
JACKIE'S CABIN  
  
Everyone finally arrives...a little cold...a lot annoyed, but safe.  
  
"Alright! We made it!" Donna exclaims as she walks into the cabin.  
  
Eric follows, snuggling deeper into his coat. "Yeah, just in time, that storm is getting nasty."  
  
"I am so cold! The snow has stolen my manhood!" Fez pouts in a childlike way, while wrapping his arms around himself for warmth.  
  
Jackie looks toward Donna and Eric. "Okay, there's only one bedroom. It was gonna be for Michael and I but since our love is… dead, you two should take it." she informs them, barely containing her tears.  
  
"Alright! You wanna go check out our room?" Eric says excitedly.  
  
"Sure" Donna responds less enthusically, and shrugs her shoulders. I know I should be thrilled that Eric and I will have some privacy, but I just can't help thinking about what Hyde must think...I really hafta stop doing this to myself...   
  
Eric heads over to the bedroom thrilled, Donna follows somewhat morosely, and tosses a somewhat apologetic look to Hyde over her shoulder as she walks through the bedroom door.  
  
"Where are you guys going? I thought we were gonnna hang…" Hyde begins frustrated, but trails off. What was with the look Donna gave me before following Forman into the bedroom? It kinda looked like she was reluctant to go...  
  
Fez collaspes onto the floor as Jackie sits down on the couch.  
  
"I am freezing! The winter in my country is seventy degrees! We must hold each other for warmth!" Fez pouts and grabs onto Jackie's leg.  
  
"Stop touching me!" the brunette cheerleader hisses.  
  
He lets her leg go and sits down on the carpet, alone. "Then I am going to die!" he exclaims and brings his arm up to his forehead in a mock dramatic gesture.  
  
"Okay Fez… oh! Amaretto!" Hyde replies. This oughta shut him up...I'm getting pretty damn tired of his whining... It's bad enough that Donna's in the bedroom with Forman, while I sit out here...I don't even wanna think about what must be going on in there...  
  
Hyde starts rifling through the liquor cabinet, looking for the amaretto. Finally he finds some, takes it out of the cabinet and opens it. "You know what man? This will warm you right up. Take a sip of that!" He hands over the bottle, and Fez takes a sip.  
  
"Yum, liquid candy!" Fez exclaims, clearly feeling better now. He starts chugging it right out of the bottle. Hyde looks at him in amazement and wonder.  
  
GUSES' TRUCK   
  
Kelso is eating a hamburger and wearing a hat that says 'Truckers Make The Best Lovers".  
  
"Thanks for the burger. Oh, and the hat!" he says, and points to the hat before continuing to eat the hamburger.  
  
Well I just like to see that smile. See you coming down about your friend Eric." Gus replies with sympathy.  
  
"Well, it's just… You know, he's always been there for me. Like, when people used to call me dumb, he'd say: 'Hey, he's not as dumb as you think!' People don't like to talk about it, but guy to guy relationships are pretty special, you know?" Kelso says, not even realizing how he comment may be interpreted.  
  
"They can be the most beautiful thing in the world!" Gus exclaims with a look of longing and remembrance on his face.  
  
"I don't know why I do this stuff! It's just like… I get these urges, you know, and I can't control them!" Kelso adds emphatically.  
  
"Shoot! I wrote that country song!" Gus replies as he puts a tape into the tape player.  
  
"I've been cheated, been mistreated! When will I be loved?" a womans voice sings from the tape, as Gus sings along.  
  
THE BEDROOM IN THE CABIN  
  
Eric and Donna are on the bed making out. From the other room, we hear some music, and what sounds like Jackie crying. They break the kiss.  
  
"Okay, that's probably just Jackie crying!" Eric says in response to the sobs. I wish Jackie would just stop crying...she's kinda ruining the mood here...  
  
"Yeah." Donna replies. Why doesn't someone comfort her already? Her sobs are getting sort of annoying, not to mention distracting...not that being distracted is necessarily a bad thing...especially since I do feel kinda uncomfortable laying here making out with Eric...and to think Hyde is just outside...stop that, you're making out with your BOYFRIEND, now concentrate...  
  
Eric leans in, and they continue kissing. The crying keeps on coming and gets louder, if that's even possible. Donna breaks the kiss.  
  
"Alright, alright, that's too much! Can you please go out there and break that record?" Donna replies disgustedly. Why aren't Hyde or Fez comforting her ALREADY...besides, she's crying over Kelso of all people...a guy who cheats on her with every opportunity, and is always saying how he's breaking up with her... Though I am sorta glad for the distraction since I can't seem to put Hyde outta my mind, and that's definitely NOT a good sign...especially since I'm supposed to be happy with Eric and everything...we even have our OWN room for Christ's sake...  
  
Eric gets up and goes out.  
  
THE LIVING ROOM IN THE CABIN  
  
Hyde is on the armchair reading comics, while Jackie is sitting on the couch crying.  
  
"What's going on?" Eric asks Hyde, and glances toward the weeping cheerleader.  
  
Hyde's laughing and looks up from his magazine, "Ha-ha, "Spy versus Spy" man, they kill me!"  
  
"No, with her!" Eric says and gestures in Jackie's direction.  
  
"She seems upset or something." Hyde replies distractedly.  
  
"Okay look, where's Fez?" asks Eric, who's becoming pretty irritated at this point.  
  
Eric stops the record as Donna comes out of the bedroom and goes over to comfort Jackie.  
  
"Fez? Oh, well, he killed that entire bottle of Amaretto, and then he ran outside saying he had to make a snow angel. But he was in his underwear." Hyde remarks with a smirk as he tosses a quick glance in Donna's direction. Jackie's crying may have been kinda annoying, but it did succeed in getting Donna and Forman out of that bedroom...just the thought of what they were probably doing in there turns my stomach...  
  
"Okay look, either you need to go get Fez or console Jackie." Eric informs him with a look of resignation. Geez, can't leave these people alone for a few minutes without everything getting out of hand...and I hope he goes after Fez cuz I don't wanna go out in the cold, and I REALLY don't want him and Donna alone together after the whole Christmas gift thing...never did find out anything, even though I tried to ask everyone...even the prissy cheerleader kept her mouth shut...amazing...  
  
"Er, I'll take Donna." Hyde replies. Oh no, now I've gone and let the cat outta the bag...Eric really will give me the boot in the ass now...calm down man, stay Zen...just act like you never said it, maybe he didn't even notice...ah dammit, who am I kidding?  
  
"Jackie." Eric tells him sternly, and gives him the 'don't touch my girlfriend or i'll kick your ass' look. Well so long as he's comforting Jackie, he won't be alone with Donna, and I guess someone does have to go after Fez...he did leave in his underwear after all...what a weird weird guy...  
  
"Jackie. Yeah, Jackie." Hyde responds, acting all innocent. He gestures in the direction of the sobbing mess on the couch, which Donna is attempting to comfort.  
  
Eric heads out to look for Fez. Hyde throws his magazine down on a cushion, and takes a final swig out of his beer can. Then he goes and sits between Donna and Jackie. He tosses a quick look in Donna's direction before turning to Jackie who hugs him amidst her sobbing.  
  
"Okay, oh, oh, okay, yeah okay, now I can see you're upset, ah ha, ah ha." he says in a weak attempt to comfort her, while rubbing her back. He pulls away and looks at her. "Now listen alright, if it's any consolation, Pam Macy would give it up to anybody." he adds, somewhat insensitively. I know I probably sound like a jerk right about now, but this will probably be the only chance I have to get Donna alone this weekend, and we really need to 'talk'...  
  
Jackie starts crying again in earnest, while getting up and heading to the bedroom.  
  
Hyde turns to Donna and puts his arm around her shoulders. "Oh, what do you know, we're all alone." he replies, rather insensitive to Jackie's plight. Ah dammit! Why did I have to say it like that...I know she's only gonna be mad about the way I handled Jackie...not the best way to start this conversation...stupid, stupid...  
  
Donna gets up and starts screaming at him, "God Hyde, you can be such a jerk, you know that? You could have been more sensitive to Jackie's feelings, ya know? She just broke up with her boyfriend, who cheated on her! I mean, she needs our support right now, and what do you do? You kick her while she's already down!" She tosses him a dirty look and scowls at him. I mean, sometimes he can be so sweet...but then he has to go and ruin it by acting like an ass...  
  
"Donna, I am sorry that I acted the way I did. I just thought we could use the time alone. We need to talk and since we've been here you've been locked in that bedroom with Forman. I'll apologize to Jackie later, but I think we have more pressing issues to discuss." Hyde informs her. Smooth man...that oughta calm her down. Hopefully we can clear some stuff up before Forman shows up with Fez now...  
  
"Why would we need to be alone, Hyde? And what could we possibly need to discuss? I thought we had this conversation already, and had decided it was best to stay friends..." Donna asks defensively. Just what does he plan on doing here? I thought he would have done something after I got him that candle for Christmas, but nothing... What does he think he's doing now...?  
  
Hyde doesn't say anything. He just looks at her, pulls her close to him and kisses her. She fights it for a few seconds, before giving in and running her fingers through his hair, pulling him even closer to her.   
  
After several seconds, Donna breaks the kiss and looks at him. "I see," she says with a smile, and leans in to kiss him again, but Jackie's sob's get progressively louder, breaking the mood. Donna gets up, looks at Hyde regretfully and heads toward the bedroom to console Jackie. Hyde gets up and combs his hands through his hair to lose the rumpled look just in case Eric gets back.  
  
GUSES' TRUCK  
  
"It's so clear to me now! I can't just go around using people as my sexual play things. You know what I mean Gus? I guess people feelings are way more important than those sexual urges!" Kelso says, clearing experiencing a revelation. Everything seems so clear to him now.  
  
"You're good people son." Gus replies and smiles.  
  
"You too man!" Kelso exclaims with a goofy looking grin on his face.  
  
Gus stops the truck, then turns to Kelso, "Well, this is where you get off! And one more thing. Next time, take a bus. You're too pretty to hitch!"  
  
"Oh oh, Thanks man!" Kelso exclaims, as he gets out of the truck. Gus starts leaving, and blows his horn twice in farewell.  
  
"Bye Gus!" Kelso shouts, while waving goodbye to the departing truck.  
  
In the distance, out of sight, Eric is shouting, Hey Fez! Fez!"  
  
Eric comes into view from somewhere behind the cabin.  
  
Upon seeing him Kelso exclaims, "Hey man!"  
  
"Kelso you're here!" Eric says in surprise, and smiles.  
  
"Yeah, I got a ride with the nicest guy!" Kelso replies with a look of remembrance. "Listen, I've had a lot of time to think on the way up here, and well I'm sorry!" he adds, looking contrite.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I'm sorry. I should never come up here without you man!" Eric says in response, as he goes up to hug him.  
  
They hug as Fez comes up to them in his underwear.   
  
"I am a winter nymph! I love this snow! Hurray America!" Fez exclaims as he runs in between Kelso and Eric and falls on his face, passed out in the snow.  
  
JACKIE'S CABIN  
  
Jackie has her back to the door and is still crying. Donna is looking at her with pity on the couch. Hyde is just tossing longing glances at Donna, clearly wanting to pick up where they left off, but Donna is clearly preoccupied with Jackie. The door opens and Donna and Hyde all look to see if Eric has found Fez. Eric and Kelso enter carrying Fez, who is still passed out. Jackie turns around, tears still in her eyes, but she's curious about who's entered the cabin.  
  
"Michael!" Jackie exclaims with a happy grin on her tearstained face.  
  
"Jackie!" he exclaims, clearly ecstatic about the welcome he's received.  
  
"Oh Michael!" she exclaims again, not taking her eyes off him for a second in fear that she may be imagining him.  
  
Kelso throws Fez on the couch, before walking over and hugging Jackie.  
  
"You walked all the way here in the driving snowstorm just to be with me didn't you Michael? And you would never, ever, do that for Pam Macy, would you?" Jackie says, evidently looking for reassurance from Kelso that he cares more about her than Pam Macy, or any other girl for that matter.  
  
"No?" he replies in an uncertain tone, confused yet somewhat relieved by her tirade.  
  
She grabs him by his shirt and adds somewhat seductively, "Lover!"  
  
"Ah, you know it!" he exclaims, as he picks her up and carries her to the bedroom. Hyde closes the door behind them. The last thing he wants to see after all is a Jackie/Kelso makeout session.  
  
Fez is still unconscious on the couch near Donna in his underwear. She looks uncomfortable due to his position on the couch. It's showing a little too much for comfort.   
  
"Can one of you guys put his pants on?" she asks with a disgusted look on her face, glaring at both Eric and Hyde. 


	8. Stolen Car

**POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN**

**JANUARY 21st, 1977**

**FRIDAY AFTERNOON**

**ERIC FORMAN'S DRIVEWAY**

Hyde is running his hand along a scratch on the side of the Vista Cruiser. "Forman man, it's a tiny little scratch and Red's never gone see it," he says, and then gets up. 

"No, Red sees everything. He sees when I put cheap gas in the car." Eric replies, panicked.

Kelso gets all excited, and stupidly interjects, "I got it! We'll put my "Gas, grass or ass?" bumper sticker over it!"

Everyone stares at Kelso, but no one says a word.

"Uh, listen Forman, whatever happens, we'll all take the wrap." Kelso adds non-convincingly.

"Yeah," concurs Hyde. _When Red finds out about this, I'd hate to be Forman…and I'm gonna run like hell…_

Red opens the kitchen door to take out the trash. He slams the garbage bag into the trash can, but as he turns around he realizes the car's scratched. "How'd you scratch the car Eric?" he bites out angrily.

"Have fun, See you… later…" Hyde, Kelso, and Fez respond all at once, and then run off.

"Well?" Red continues, getting impatient now. _Geez…we give the dumb ass a car, and look what he goes and does…I tell ya, he must really want my foot in his ass…_

"Well, uh, sir, I was, uh, pulling out of this parking space, well creeping is more like it, I was creeping…" a rather frightened looking Eric replies.

"You were screwing around you backed into a hydrant. I can see the paint marks!" Red accuses.

"No! And by no I mean exactly. But it wasn't my fault sir, Kelso was giving me a…" Eric begins, but trails off. _Stupid Kelso and his purple nurples…how am I gonna get myself out of this? Dad's looking angrier than usual, and he always looks sorta angry. His neck vein in even popping out…oh no…_

"A what?" Red asks sarcastically. _Oh crap…Kettlehead was involved? That kid is dumber than a brick…_

"Kelso was giving me a purple-nurple. It's when you grab someone's nipple through their shirt and twist it really hard… until it becomes purple." Eric finishes with his head down, embarrassed. _I'm so gonna kick Kelso's ass…if I make it out of here alive…_

"Gimme the keys," replies Red, and gestures with his hand for Eric to hand them over.

"Dad, I…" Eric starts, but trails off and hands over the keys.

"Your driving privileges are suspended until you learn some responsibility." Red informs him with barely veiled anger.

"Dad, I, I am very responsible!" Eric exclaims in a last ditch effort not to lose his keys.

"No, no you're not. Responsible people don't go around getting their nipples twisted," retorts Red, sarcastically.

"See, when you say it thought, it just sounds weird." Eric responds, perplexed.

**THE BASEMENT**

Donna and Jackie are sitting on the couch looking at a magazine.

"Oh my God: 'Hair does and don'ts of Olympic gold medallists.'" Donna replies sarcastically and rolls her eyes.  

"Oh my God, is that Dorothy Hamel? She's a virgin!" adds Jackie, scrunching up her face at the picture in the magazine.

"Speaking of… um, You know all those girls at school who do it like all the time?" asks Donna curiously.

"Yeah." the brunette cheerleader responds.

"Alright, is it just me or do they seem more relaxed." replies Donna, amused.

The basement door opens at this point, and the guys come in.  Jackie and Donna look over at them, "Hi!"

"Hey, what were you guys doing?" Eric asks, curious.

"They were talking about sex." Fez replies, with a smirk on his face.

"Come on Fez, chicks don't talk about sex, man! It's dirty!" responds Hyde, sarcastically.  

He glances at Donna with a twinkle in his eye.

"Yes we do!" Jackie replies emphatically.  "Especially when it involves Michael Kelso, my dream boat." she adds with a swoon.

"Oh great, now we have to talk about Jackie and Kelso's sex life. This is my worst nightmare." says Hyde, as he rolls his eyes and looks disgusted.

"Alright, you know what? Before you guys got here, Jackie and I were actually having a pretty good time." Donna says, looking a little surprised by this herself.  _Sometimes the midget can actually be halfway decent company...when she's not hounding me, or calling me a lumberjack that is..._

The guys look at each other, puzzled as Jackie and Donna start giggling.

"I know, I was surprised too!" Donna adds mid-laugh.

"Hey Donna, you wanna go to my house?" Jackie asks.

"You know what? Okay." replies Donna.  They both get up, grab the magazine and head out the door.  Donna tosses a quick glance in Hyde's direction before she turns and follows Jackie out the door.

Eric and Hyde both look at Donna longingly as she walks away, while Fez just stands there shaking his head.

Once the girls are gone, Hyde turns to Eric, "What are you guys wanna do?"

"We could walk to The Hub." Eric suggests.  _Man, why did Dad have to take my car…?  Well, at least he didn't put his foot in my ass…_

"Too far." replies Hyde.  _Stupid Forman…why did he have to go and cost us our ride?  I mean, God gave us Forman so we wouldn't have to walk everywhere...wish I could've seen Red kick his ass…now that's just good stuff…_

We could walk to…" Eric tries again, but trails off.

"Too far!" shouts Hyde, irritated now.  _Hmmm...maybe **I** should kick Forman's ass for being stupid enough to lose his keys.  What on earth does Donna see in him anyway?  Then again, she did kiss me…you know, I should really talk to Donna about that…He pushes those thoughts away for now, and turns back to Eric, who's in the middle of a rant…_

"Man, this sucks! I just can't believe that Red took away my car because of one stupid little scratch!" 

"I know man! Who would think Red would overreact?" Hyde exclaims with sarcasm.  _Man, I swear Forman's turning into Kelso...listen to the crap coming outta his mouth...Red is, was, and always will be a hard ass...yet **he** can't believe he took his car away?  I swear if he continues this whining, I'm gonna frog him so hard..._

 "I did. I have noticed Red is a real hard-ass. One toe over the line, three cheeses you're a clobber, you know what I'm saying?" adds Fez, in a matter-of-fact tone.

Kelso walks in.  "Hey guys. Check it out!" he says, and shows them a set of car keys.  

"Did you get a car?" asks Hyde, hopefully.  _Well, what do you know...?  For once, Kelso is actually good for something..._

"Yeah, my cousin Sully loaned me his wheels. So where to?" asks Kelso expectantly.

The four of them just sit there staring at each other in silence.

Eventually Eric comes out with, "You just wanna hang?"

"Yeah." Kelso responds and sits down on the couch.

JACKIE'S BEDROOM 

"Just so you know Donna, when I finally decide to do it with Michael, I have the whole thing planned out," the perky cheerleader informs her lumberjack friend.

**We fade into a Jackie fantasy…**

"First, I'll be wearing a very sexy reinoir." Jackie begins.

We see the fantasy Jackie sitting on the bed wearing a white peignoir.

"Don't you mean peignoir?" Donna asks sarcastically correcting her friend.

"Yeah, okay, whatever, stop ruining this Donna," retorts a rather annoyed, Jackie.

"Okay," concedes Donna.

Jackie continues, "And then, there'll be candles everywhere."

The room is completely full of lit candles, making the room have a **very** romantic appearance.

"But also, there'll be a gigantic banner."

There is a banner above the bed that says, 'Jackie + Michael= Together For ever' 

"Then Michael will come in." 

Kelso walks into the room looking rather macho, wearing a white silk pirate shirt.

"And the wind will be blowing!" 

The wind blows, ruffling Kelso's hair and the shirt.

"Then, we'll have the most magical night of our lives."

Kelso walks up to Jackie on the bed and places his hands over his heart in a dramatic gesture.

Fantasy sequence fades out… 

"So, if you have it all planned out, why are you, why are you still waiting?" Donna asks her friend.  _Well, I guess it **is **Kelso… If only my situation were so simple…who do I choose?  Eric or Hyde?  Eric **is** my boyfriend, yet I keep getting tangled up with Hyde…Hyde, he's been so sweet lately…and the kiss…_

"I want it to be really, really special," replies Jackie, ending her friend's inner struggle…for the moment anyway.

"Oh, I mean, how could it not, with a gigantic banner?" concludes Donna with sarcasm.

"Exactly." Jackie responds in agreement.  _Sometimes the lumberjack really does get it…_

KELSO'S RIDE 

Hyde and Kelso are sitting in the front seat, with Eric and Fez in the back.  Eric is seated behind Kelso, and Fez is behind Hyde.

"This backseat sucks! It's too small. Fez's leg is touching mine!" Eric exclaims in protest.  _I miss having my own car, where **I** make the rules…never had to sit in the cramped backseat then…_

"No, your leg is touching mine," an annoyed looking Fez informs him as he tries to shift away from Eric.

"I shouldn't even be in the backseat. You know, I should be driving my own car!" shouts Eric, continuing his rant, to everyone's annoyance.

"Well the reason why you're not driving your own car Forman is because you're irresponsible, and you scratched it!" retorts Hyde.  _He is **so** asking to get himself frogged…hell he deserves the backseat, simply for being so annoying…at least Kelso managed to get us a ride…Hmm…I wonder what Donna and Jackie are up to…_

"Yeah, that's a good one!"  Kelso exclaims, never one to miss a good burn.

Eric reaches his arm around the seat and twists Kelso's nipple.  _Awww…sweet justice…_

"Ohh! I'm trying to drive the car here man!" Kelso shouts, in pain.

Hyde turns on the radio, and starts switching stations.

"No, put it back, I like that song." Eric says, pouting.  _I tell ya, when I get my car back…these guys are gonna pay for this…_

Hyde continues changing the stations, passing by the one playing Eric's song.  He looks back in Eric's direction, as seeing him mid-sulk replies, "Pipe down there backseat Charlie." _Man, if Forman sounded any more wussy, he'd be wearing a dress… I don't know why Donna puts up with him…_

Eventually Hyde finds a rock song on the radio, and decides to leave it there.

"Alright!" exclaims Kelso.  He starts tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the song, getting into it.

"Backseat sucks!" Eric shouts out, exasperated.

Fez turns to Eric with mock sympathy, "Welcome to my sad little world!"

LATER, STILL IN KELSO'S RIDE 

The guys are all eating hamburgers except for Eric, who is still opening his.  He picks apart his hamburger, and looks up irritated. "Oh great, no pickles, now we gotta go back."

Hyde, Fez, and Kelso all look at him angrily.  They are getting pretty pissed with his whining. "Shut up!"

"Hey, why does Sully have a statue of the Virgin Mary on his dashboard?" asks Eric suspiciously after seeing it for the first time.

"I don't know, maybe he's like religious or something, " Kelso responds breezily, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"Wasn't Sully in prison for arson?" asks Hyde suspiciously.  __

"Yeah, people that burn stuff believe in God too, Hyde." Kelso responds with sarcasm.  _I wonder where they're all going with this…I did get them a ride after all…_

"Why does his key chain say 'I love Bingo'?" questions Hyde, trying to get Kelso to read between the lines.  _Kelso's obviously got a few screws loose upstairs, cuz unless I'm mistaken, this isn't Sully's car…crap!_

"Sully must love Bingo." Fez replies, innocently.

"Alright, I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't Sully's car," adds Eric, and he starts to panic.

"Then whose car is it?" asks an ignorant looking Kelso.  

We hear police sirens in the background.  They are signaling for them all to pull over.

**POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM**

****

Fez, Eric, Hyde, and Kelso are sitting side by side in metal folding chairs.

"This is great, I'm dead. You know, when we were in my car and I was running the show, I don't remember one single time we all got arrested." Eric explains, panicked.  _Why did we trust Kelso to provide a ride?  I mean the guy's got more than a few screws loose upstairs…  This never would have happened if Dad hadn't taken my car away…_

"That's true." Hyde agrees.  _Can't argue with Forman's logic there…god, Kelso's such an idiot…_

"Will you just relax? We're all in trouble here!" Kelso exclaims in fear.  _Why would Uncle Sully give me a stolen car?  He seemed so sincere… Besides, this wouldn't have happened if Red hadn't taken Eric's keys away…_

Eric looks at Kelso, "Oh no, no, no! No, no, no! We're not all in trouble here! Your parents have seven kids, they won't even notice you're gone."  _Kelso gets us into this whole mess, and walks off scot-free…on the other hand, Dad will probably kill me…I'll probably never see my keys again…_  He turns around and faces Fez, "Your parents don't even live in this country!"  _I have a strange feeling I'm gonna get most of the crap over this, and it isn't even my fault…I tell ya, if I wasn't stuck here in the police station, I'd really stick my foot up Kelso's ass…  _Then he turns and looks at Hyde, "And your mom probably one cell over. So that just leaves me. I'm the only one that's really in trouble here."  _For once, Hyde's situation is actually helping him out…amazing…_

"Look Forman, I'll be in as much trouble as you are as soon as Edna sobers up."  _Why am I trying to comfort Forman?  Chances are Edna won't show up for days…and by then she won't give a rat's ass about this…she may even have another 'uncle' for me to meet…_

"I will be deported. They're gonna send me back to my home land, the beautiful island of…" Fez begins, but is cut off when a police officer enters the room.

"Okay, who's the ring leader here?" asks the policeman.

Kelso, Hyde, and Fez all point to Eric.  "He is!"

The policeman hands Eric a dime and says, "You get one phone call!"

"To anywhere?" asks Fez.  _Hmm…this may be a chance to contact my homeland…_

"One local phone call," the police officer clarifies, then turns around and leaves.

"So, who should we call?" Hyde asks with curiosity.

"I'd call Red, but I feel safer in jail," replies Eric, with fearful honesty.

"I, um, don't know my phone number," adds Fez.  _My host parents already think Eric is the devil…if I call them, they'll prevent me from speaking to him again…_

"Can't call Edna man, it's poker night," says Hyde.  _At least I think that's where she is…I never really know for sure…though Edna does love her poker…_

"No offense, but isn't every night poker night for Edna?" Kelso snidely replies.  

Hyde looks at Kelso angrily and punches him in the arm.  

  "No, no, no, I got it! I'll call Jackie!" suggests Kelso.  _I don't know why I didn't think of this before…Jackie will find a way to get us outta here…_

Eric hands Kelso the dime, and he walks over to the pay phone.  He puts the dime in and starts dialing.  Then he looks back over at the others and adds, "Her dad's a lawyer. Oh, and she's got a check book."

The view alternates between Jackie sitting on her bed in her bedroom and Kelso at the payphone.****

The phone rings and Jackie picks it up.  "Hello."

"Jackie! Oh, Thank God you're home! I was driving a stolen car and I got arrested." Kelso hurriedly explains.

"Oh, Michael, this is just like the book: 'Prisoner of Love' where Cliff, the rugged yet sweet motorcycle mechanic was thrown into jail and then his true love Tasha was forced to be a slave before this really rich mean guy." Jackie replies, clearly impressed by the fact that Kelso is in jail.  She drifts off into a mini fantasy…

Kelso is shown as the rugged, yet sweet motorcycle mechanic.  He has a mustache and the wind is blowing.

The fantasy ends and Kelso starts to speak again.

"Jackie, I'm not kidding around! I'm really in jail!" Kelso exclaims as he starts to panic again.

"Oh My God, are you okay?" the perky cheerleader asks with concern.  __

"Yeah, I guess. But I'm a little cold. It's lonely in the joint Jackie." Kelso tells her 'dramatically'.  

"Oh my God, you're really in jail! What if you never get out?" exclaims Jackie, as she too begins to panic.  _I swear, if Michael gets out of this, I'm gonna show him just how much I love him…_

"That would really…suck!" replies Kelso, getting irritated now.

"Yes it would Michael. And I promise, the minute you get out of prison, I'm gonna prove my love to you," adds Jackie, as she places her hand over her heart.  _This is like something you would see in the movies…the dangerous, rugged criminal with the perfect princess…_

"Cool. Thanks." Kelso says in response, missing the meaning behind Jackie's words.

"Michael, do you even know what I'm saying to you?" Jackie asks, with a cross between pride and annoyance.

"Yeah! No!" replies a rather baffled looking Kelso.

"We're gonna make love you idiot!" she shouts, both exasperated and excited.

"Alright!" exclaims Kelso, with a grin before he hangs up.  He turns around and looks at the others, still holding the goofy grin on his face before he goes and sits back down.

"You two have a nice little talk?" asks Eric innocently.  _What a moron…couldn't even ask for her help…We would have been better off if I'd spoken to Dad for crying out loud!_

"Oh yeah!" Kelso exclaims, still grinning from ear to ear.

"You know what's funny?" Eric continues.

"What?" Kelso asks, completely confused.

"Nothing because you forgot to ask her for help you moron!" Eric screams, and Hyde turns and hits Kelso in the arm again.

"God, you're right! Gimme another dime," replies Kelso, realizing his mistake.

"We only had one dime! We only got one phone call!" Hyde informs him angrily.  _How the hell are we supposed to get out of here now…Kelso's lucky all I did was frog him…_

"God! Someone gimme a spoon, I'm gonna dig my way out of here!" exclaims Kelso, panicking.

Fez is rocking back and forth in his chair, barely containing his rage.  Suddenly he jumps at Kelso, unable to hold in his fury any longer, but Hyde and Eric grab him mid-lunge, preventing him from attacking Kelso.  Fez, realizing he's not getting anywhere by trying to go after Kelso, sits back down angrily.

FORMAN KITCHEN 

****

 Red points out to Kitty, "Look at this, here we are sitting down to dinner. Eric is not even home yet."  _Wonder what trouble that dumb ass managed to get himself into this time…_

"Well, honey, you took away his car. He has to walk everywhere!" Kitty shouts back, evidently **very **irritated with Red's hardheadedness where Eric's concerned.

"Walking is good for him," explains Red, as he starts eating his dinner.

"Red, why do you have to be so hard on him?" asks Kitty, in an attempt to get him to back down for a change.

"Same reason my old man was hard on me. To prepare me for the world! You know Kitty, when I was his age, I could've parachuted onto a deserted island with nothing but a Swiss army knife and I had to survive," responds Red.  _How do I **always **end up being the one who looks bad…I mean, Eric's the one who was dumb enough to scratch the car in the first place…_

"Well okay then, we've learned something. No sky-diving for Eric." Kitty retorts with sarcasm.

"I tell you Kitty. The world is a tough place. You drop your guard for one second, and they'll kick you right in the ass!" Red replies heatedly.

But Kitty wasn't about to let it end there.  She retorts with the question, "Well, you're right. Red, the world is hard, so, wouldn't it be nice if Eric came home to a place that wasn't?"

"Fine Kitty, when you win the lottery, you can buy him Disneyland!" Red shouts, ending the argument.  _Now I see how he became such a pansy…he's a momma's boy through and through…_

**POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM**

****

"Eric, you gotta do something man!" Kelso exclaims, desperately.

"Me? And what about you Kelso or Hyde." Eric retorts.  _Why am I the one that's always getting us outta this crap?  They all act so tough, but when the going gets tough, they run…_

"I can't talk to cops man, I go insane with rage." Hyde replies, with an air of hatred and passion in his voice.  _If they send me in there, we'll never get outta here…man I hate cops…though if I did go in there, I'm sure it would impress Donna…naw…better make Forman go…_

"Oh, and me too. Nuts! Whoi! Eric, you gotta help us!" Kelso blurts out in an attempt to sound angry.  _I hope they don't make me go in…do they have any idea what they will do to such a man pretty man in there…?  _He shudders at the thought.

"So now I'm back in charge? This is so typical!" Eric replies, his voice laced with disgust as he stands up.  "Okay, you know what? Fine! Once again, I'll suck it up, be the man, and save all your sorry asses!" he continues angrily as he walks over and knocks on the door.  The door opens up, and Eric looks inside.  "Officer, I need to talk to you, please."  The officer lets Eric into the room.  Eric closes the door behind him, turns to the officer and starts crying, "You gotta let me go! Please God! My dad's gonna kill me! He's gonna…"

The first officer looks at him and replies, "You stole a car kid. What kind of cop would I be if I just let you go?"

"My best friend the cop? Look, it really wasn't my fault, we borrowed it from a friend." Eric explains truthfully, yet nervously, trying to earn everyone's freedom.

"Yeah, haven't heard that before," replies the officer.  He turns around and faces the other officer in the room. "Hey, guess what? They didn't really steal the car, they borrowed it from a friend," he says sarcastically.

 "Oh, actually they did. Turns out this guy Sully borrowed it from his grandmother, and she forgot and called it in stolen. Nice old lady though, she plays Bingo!" the second officer clarifies, verifying Eric's story.

"Oh my God, this is great! So we're free to go?" Eric asks, looking relieved.

The second officer looks at Eric, "Yeah, which one are you?"

"Eric Forman," he replies, and the second officer hands him an envelope.

"Forman? Is your dad Red Forman?" asks the second officer, with a look of surprise on his face.

"Um, yeah," responds Eric, unsure of how this particular officer would know Red, and a bit nervous about it.  _If this ever gets back to Red, I'm dead…_

"You poor bastard," the officer replies, as he shakes his head in sympathy and mirth.

"Well, thank you." Eric replies, as he heads out of the room, feeling like the weight of the world were just removed from his shoulders.

"Yeah," the officer says finally and hands over the rest of the envelopes to Eric.  Both of the officers leave the room at this point, leaving Eric alone.  Once the officers are out of sight, Eric walks back into the room, closes the door behind him, and throws the envelopes on an empty chair.  _Might as well dispose of the evidence…_

Everyone looks over at Eric as he heads out of the room.

"So?" Hyde asks him impatiently.  _He better have gotten us outta here…_

"So, call a cab, where's the problem?" Eric asks flippantly.

"What? We're free?" Kelso asks hopefully.

"All charges dropped. Wait, that is what you wanted, right?" Eric replies confidently.  _They never have to know what really went on in there…frankly in my opinion, I deserve to look like a big shot after all this anyway…and it'll make me look good in front of Donna…_

They all get up and hug him, never happier at their newfound freedom.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" Hyde exclaims happily, and they all head towards the door.  Eric tries to turn the doorknob, but the door won't open.  They're stuck.  

****

**FORMAN LIVING ROOM**

****

Red is sitting on the couch reading the paper, when Eric walks in the front door.

"Hey Dad." Eric greets him quickly, and starts running up the stairs.

Red looks up from his newspaper and looks in Eric's direction.  "Hold it!" he shouts.

Eric stops himself mid-run and looks in Red's direction.  Red puts down his paper and Eric walks over to him.

"About the car… I know it wasn't… And I… You see when I was a kid… Maybe I came down… Here's the keys!" Red replies awkwardly and tosses over the keys.

"Thank you sir." Eric says humbly, and bows his head in response.

"So, where have you been all night?" asks Red.

"Prison." Eric replies, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, okay," responds Red laughingly, as Eric runs upstairs.

**JACKIE'S BEDROOM**

****

Jackie is sitting on her bed when Kelso comes in.

"Jackie!" Kelso exclaims, and extends his arm for her to run into.

"Michael! You've been sprung!" she replies ecstatically as she runs to him and they hug.

"You don't know what it's like on the inside Jackie," he replies, really heaping on the melodrama.

"Did they beat you?" Jackie asks with over-exaggerated concern.

"Yeah," replies Kelso, trying to look like the **big** man.

"Damn those Police!" she retorts, venomously.

"Oh, no. It was Hyde," he explains, then continues heatedly, "But he really frogged me!"

"Oh, poor baby!" Jackie croons, hanging all over him.

"Thanks Jackie," he replies sincerely, as he closes the door behind him.  He turns back to her and exclaims excitedly, "Okay, so let's do this thing!"

"Oh, oh, this is so perfect! I don't even miss the peignoir, the pirate shirt or the wind!" Jackie replies giddily.

"What about the banner?" Kelso replies, for once actually following the conversation.

"It's okay. The important thing is I'm here with you. And I'm prepared to give myself to you, body, mind and soul. Michael, this is gonna be the most magical night of our lives." Jackie continues dramatically while placing her hand over her heart.  She then takes his hand and leads him to the bed, where they sit down next to each other.  "Oh, yeah, and one more thing. My parents are at the A & P, so we only have like fifteen minutes," she primly informs him, then turns up the radio and lights a candle.  They begin to make out on the bed as we realize there is a 'Love is…Forever and ever!' poster hanging on the wall above them.

**THE BASEMENT**

****

Donna, Hyde, Eric, and Kelso are sitting in the circle.

"So, how was it in the 'big house'?" Donna asks with a grin.  She looks around at Kelso, Eric, but once she hits on Hyde, her gaze lasts a few more seconds.  _Hmmm…I'll bet Hyde handled jail rather well…_

Kelso asks with a lascivious look on his face.  "You know what the best part of it was?"

"What?" Donna asks, falling into his trap.  _Dammit…I just **know **I'm gonna regret asking that…_

"After I got out, I got to do it with Jackie" he continues grinning from ear to ear, and giving everyone the thumbs up.

"Ewwwwww!" Donna replies.  Donna, Eric, and Hyde look at each other, turn and look at Kelso with disgusted expressions.

Donna looks in Hyde's direction with an impressed look.  "You know, I knew you could handle jail.  Now Eric on the other hand…somehow I get this mental picture of him making a few 'friends'…" she says, and starts laughing.  Hyde and Kelso join in, and they are trapped in a fit of giggles.

Once the laughter subsides a bit, Kelso turns to Eric and shouts, "BURN!"

While Eric tries to think of a good retort to this, Hyde and Donna turn and just gaze at each other.  

_Man, I missed her…_

_This probably goes against the whole woman's liberation thing, but I really am impressed with him for handling jail so well…he seems so strong…_

Eric, with a wounded look on his face, stands up and comes out with, "Hey guys, I'm right here!"  This catches everyone's attention, and they all turn and stare at him.  "And Donna, for your information, I saved these guys scrawny asses!"

Donna turns and looks at him.  "I'm sure you did Eric," she responds with an unexpected flash of pride.  _Hmm…never would've thought he'd be the one to save the day…guess it just goes to show that you never know…_

Hyde just glances over at the Donna dejected that Eric seems to have won again.

"You know what's a funny word?" Kelso starts and pauses to look at Hyde.  "Pickleweasel," he finishes, and starts silently laughing.

**THE TAG**

Eric, Donna, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez are in the Cruiser, either eating hamburgers or drinking sodas.

"You guys enjoying your burgers? Got enough pickles on them? That's how 'Fatso Burger' does 'em. Lots and lots of pickles. Yes, yes." Eric says laughingly, rubbing in his newly returned power.  _Ahhhh…it's nice to be in control again…_

"Yeah. It's great," the guys reply sarcastically from the back seat, and roll their eyes.

"Got enough room back there?" continues Eric, not yet ready to stop rubbing it in.

"Actually, it's a little bit crowded." Kelso complains, fidgeting.

"Good, that's the way it should be! Yes, yes. I feel like going to the movies." Eric replies snidely before asking,  "Where do you guys wanna go?"

"Let's go to the reservoir." Hyde replies, getting pretty annoyed with Eric by this point.  _Move on Forman, you've made your point...and frankly I'm about ready to frog you…_

Eric couldn't resist getting at least one more dig in, "Movies it is. Yes, yes."

Donna looks over at Eric and interjects, "Alright I feel like going to the reservoir."  _Come on Eric, you've had your fun…besides the reservoir does sound kinda fun…_

"Reservoir it is. Yes, yes," concedes a still giddy Eric, as he changes direction and continues driving.


	9. That Wrestling Show

Sorry my format keeps changing around so much, it's just that my computer is ALWAYS giving me issues it seems...*sigh* Also my apologies for taking so long to update...been suffering a huge case of writer's block... Anyway, here's the next chapter...in this one, the thoughts are surrounded like this...'thought' Just to clear that up...hope you enjoy...:) As usual, I own nothing affiliated with the show...though it would be super cool if I did...;) Thanks for all the reviews...  
  
POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN  
  
SATURDAY AFTERNOON  
  
3:42 PM  
  
ERIC FORMAN'S BASEMENT  
  
  
  
"You and Jackie did not do it." Hyde says, looking at Kelso disbelievingly.  
  
"No, we so did it!" exclaims Kelso, irritated that none of his friends appear to believe him.  
  
"You're always saying that you did it." Fez informs him, sounding rather exasperated with Kelso by this point.  
  
"Kelso, she wears the pants and they have never come off." Eric replies disgustedly from his place on the arm of the couch.  
  
"Look at my face. This is a face that did it!" Kelso responds defensively, as he turns his face back and forth, showing the guys both sides.  
  
All three of them stare at his face in silence as he does this.  
  
Finally Fez, in awe, comes out with, "Holy Smokes, I think he did it!"  
  
"Kelso did it!!" Hyde, Eric, and Fez all exclaim, as Kelso hops on the couch grinning like the village idiot.  
  
"Yeah, congratulations man. Plus you did it in record time." Hyde informs him with 'enthusiasm'.  
  
"Yeah, you think?" asks Kelso; once again missing the veiled burn Hyde's just tossed him.   
  
"No, you moron! You've been kissing her ass for over a year!" replies Hyde, his voice laced with sarcasm. 'Man, this guy has absolutely no clue…how on earth has he gotten by this long?'  
  
"Yeah, well that's all over man. It's hard to explain to you kids that have never had sex before…" Kelso begins giddily as he looks at both Eric and Fez, then he continues arrogantly, "…but when you're with a woman something chemical happens to her. Now Jackie's totally different. She's like my love slave. Oh yeah, I'm that good!"  
  
Donna and Jackie walk in the side door, interrupting Kelso's rant.   
  
"Hey guys!" greets Donna enthusiastically. ' Is it me, or is Hyde looking really good today…'  
  
"Hi sweetie, how are you?" Jackie adds in a lovey-dovey voice as she walks over to Kelso on the couch. 'I'm afraid that if I don't be nice to Michael now that we've made sweet love and the mystery's over that he'll leave…so as much as I don't like this, I'm gonna have to suck it up…for a while anyway…'  
  
"Well actually I'm a little bit chilly, but I left my coat up in the car," replies Kelso, as he wraps his arms around himself and 'shivers'. 'I'm loving the new Jackie…it's nice to be in charge for a change…I'm so tired of losing face in front of the guys, it's making me look bad…'  
  
"Oh, I'll go get it for you! Miss me!" exclaims Jackie. She blows a kiss in Kelso's direction and runs out to the car.  
  
"Handy little thing, isn't she?" boasts Kelso. 'Yeah, I'm loving this…'  
  
"Okay, that was so cool!" responds Eric grinning.  
  
"Cool?" asks Donna, condescendingly. ' Man, Eric can be such a pig…I mean look at Hyde, the burn was right there and he didn't even say anything…he's been so much nicer lately…I still wonder why he hasn't said anything about the kiss we shared on the ski trip…I kind of figured he would've said something by now…could it possibly be because even after that, I'm still with Eric? I mean, Eric's nice and all, but our relationship just hasn't worked out like I hoped it would…'  
  
"And by cool I mean wrong and stupid." Eric replies quickly. 'Excellent save…'  
  
"Alright, shut up, shut up! Wrestling's back on," Hyde exclaims, while staring at the television. He leans over and turns up the volume.  
  
"Oh, I love wrestling!" Donna squeals with glee. She grabs Eric and puts him in a headlock, mashing his face right into her chest. ' I do love wrestling with Eric though…probably cause I always win…besides, somehow I have a feeling wrestling with Hyde would turn into something far more serious…' She cuts off her reverie, and noticing that Eric is just sitting there like a piece of dead meat continues, "Come on, you're not even fighting back!"  
  
Hyde looks at them, with irritation and jealously, and spits out, "Why would he fight back?" ' I know I wouldn't be fighting back if I was in Forman's place…why is she still all lovey-dovey with him anyway? I thought the ski trip might've been the start of something between us…she certainly wasn't fighting me during that kiss…unless I was imagining things…apparently I was wrong…again…how is it that in spite of everything, Forman always wins? If he wasn't my best friend, I swear to god, I'd hate him…'  
  
Donna lets go of Eric, and glances in Hyde's direction for a second. 'Gee, what's up with him…if I didn't know better he sounded upset that I was wrestling with Eric…but that couldn't be it, could it?' Donna loses her train of thought as the TV announcer says that Rocky Johnson is coming to Kenosha on Saturday and that he will fight twenty midgets.  
  
"Rocky Johnson's coming to Kenosha, oh man we gotta go!" Eric shouts eagerly.  
  
"I'm in! I love midgets man." Hyde replies with enthusiasm, his irritation temporarily forgotten at the prospect of seeing a live wrestling show.  
  
"Eric, I need to see you up here," shouts Red exasperatedly from upstairs.  
  
"Okay, I'll be right up!" Eric yells up in response. However, rather than going upstairs, he settles into his place on the couch and continues watching TV.   
  
"You're not going up?" asks Fez fearfully.  
  
"I'll go up when I'm ready!" replies Eric, in an obvious attempt at defiance. ' Whenever Dad wants me to go upstairs, it's never good…might as well stay down here as long as I can…'  
  
"Ohh!!!" everyone responds, catching on to Eric's little plan. They turn back to the TV, and are all thinking, 'Yep, he's dead…'  
  
FORMAN KITCHEN  
  
Kitty is folding Laurie's laundry and putting it into the basket.  
  
"So I just said to myself, 'I don't care if all I have is dirty laundry and no money. I'm going home to see my parents because I love them very much.'" Laurie informs her mother 'enthusiastically'.  
  
"Aww," Red mutters disgustedly.  
  
As Kitty continues digging through the laundry, she picks up a pair of white boxer shorts and holds them up for all to see. "Oh my, oh well, will you look at these!" she adds as she rolls her eyes.  
  
Upon seeing this, Laurie says defensively, "Yeah Mom, all the girls are wearing them," and nods. 'They'll buy that right…?'  
  
Eric walks up from the basement, wondering what it was his father must have wanted to get him in trouble for this time.  
  
Laurie pounces on this in an attempt to take the heat off herself…for a while anyway… "Eric, where have you been?"  
  
Red takes the bait and looks in his son's direction, "Yeah Eric, I called you five minutes ago."  
  
"I was watching wrestling." Eric informs him hurriedly as he points toward the basement door.  
  
"Did you take those books back to the library like I asked you?" Red inquires in a mildly irritable tone.  
  
"Uh, yeah, I took 'em back," replies the rather unconvincing and faltering Eric.  
  
"Well then why did I see them in the backseat of your car?" Red counters angrily.  
  
"Well I took them back to the car, which means that they're practically at the library." Eric responds nervously as he looks at his shoes.  
  
"You know Dad, I feel sorry for all the good kids who wanted to read those books. That's who I feel sorry for." Laurie interjects with 'pity'. 'Hey, getting Daddy mad at Eric, is like a win-win…'  
  
"Ok it's five books, a nickel a book, big deal, I'm out a quarter." Eric continues, nonchalantly.  
  
"It's not about the money, son. It's about the rules. And without rules we might as well all be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other!" Red screams, furious now. 'What a dumbass…he never would've survived in Korea if he can't even manage to take a couple stinking books back to the library on time…'  
  
"Uh, ok." Eric mumbles in an obvious attempt to end the conversation. 'Why is he always bugging me about this crap? I mean, look at Laurie…she's the devil, yet she's the favourite…just what the hell is going on here?'  
  
  
  
"The library closes in a half an hour, so get your ass over there." Red orders his son.  
  
"Dad, you know all my friends are downstairs so…" Eric retorts and gestures toward the basement door again. 'If he thinks I'm gonna leave my friends downstairs while I go return some dirty old library books, he better think again…'  
  
"Hey, hey, hey pal, I'm not the bad guy here. Now you screwed yourself when you didn't return those books. Now go!" Red counters. 'I don't care if the Queen of England was downstairs, he just better get his lazy ass to the library before I put my foot in it…'  
  
Eric pops out with a streak of defiance, "Okay, no!" 'I don't give a crap about the books and I'm not leaving…why does he always have to be such a lame ass anyway?'  
  
Red gets up in a threatening manner and towers over Eric furious, "Did you say "No"? Are you telling me "No"? Is that what I'm hearing?"  
  
Eric takes the bait and issues the challenge, "Yeah."   
  
They eye each other up as the type of Western music you would hear in gunfight starts to play. Kitty walks beside them, starts to shake, and generally looks terrified. "Oh dear."  
  
FORMAN KITCHEN  
  
Kitty is setting the table as Red sits and reads the paper.  
  
"You know what's interesting?" she asks.  
  
"No." Red replies as he turns the newspaper page and continues reading.  
  
"When you talk to Laurie you actually have a conversation, but with Eric you just give orders." Kitty points out, frustrated.  
  
At this, Red finally looks up at her and says with exasperation, "Kitty, he said 'no' to me." He then goes back to reading his paper.  
  
"Well he's getting older, Red. I think it's time you two developed a friendship. 'Cause if you don't he'll move away and we'll never see him again. Is that what you want? Red?!" Kitty exclaims, terrified with the prospect of losing her youngest born, and then hits him on the arm.  
  
Red responds falteringly, "I can't be friends with Eric. He's too...twitchy." 'Not to mention what a pansy ass he is…frankly I'm rather surprised and annoyed that he stood his ground for a change…mostly annoyed though...I swear he was just itching for me to put my foot up his ass… Where does Kitty get these ideas of me spending time with Eric anyway? A boy needs discipline…not some pansy ass friendship…that's what all those kids who seem to think they live here are for…'  
  
"Well, Red, until I see you make some kind of effort, I'm just gonna keep bringing it up." Kitty replies flippantly. 'Red Forman, you're gonna spend time with your son if it kills me…'  
  
"Threats aren't gonna work Kitty," he replies in a warning tone, and resumes reading the paper.  
  
Kitty replies to this by countering with, "In the middle of every newspaper you're reading, every nap you're taking, every football game you're watching, I'll be there talking, talking, talking, talking," while moving her hands in a gesture indicating incessant chatter.   
  
Red just drops his head to the kitchen table in defeat.  
  
FORMAN KITCHEN  
  
Eric and Red are sitting at the table, waiting for dinner to be served. Laurie is sitting at the counter. Kitty walks across the kitchen with a bowl of mashed potatoes and assumes her place at the table.  
  
Kitty looks over at her daughter, "Sit down Laurie, have some ribs."  
  
"Mom, you know I'm on my water and yogurt diet!" Laurie exclaims irritably.  
  
"Ok. Well isn't this nice, my whole family together, mostly, having family fun because that's what dinner is for…" Kitty begins by looking in Red's direction and basically ordering him to have a discussion with their son, "…right Red?"  
  
Red concedes and looks in Eric's direction, "Ok. So, Eric, what happened at school today?"   
  
"Why? What'd you hear?" Eric says defensively, with suspicion and fear. 'Dad never asks me that unless he's heard something…maybe I should get out of here or something before he blows up…'  
  
"What's wrong with you? I can't ask a simple question?" Red interrogates, annoyed. 'I'm only doing this for Kitty…and this is what I get? Why am I even wasting my time?'  
  
"Red, Red, you need some potatoes!" Kitty exclaims, and hurriedly plops a big mound of them on his plate, attempting to divert the upcoming storm.  
  
Red takes the hint, and attempts to change tactics uneasily. "Uh...Good job on returning those books."  
  
Eric looks down at the table and mutters, "Well yeah, I returned the books, even though it was kinda stupid." 'Don't think I really want Dad to hear that…'  
  
"What?" asks Red, by now, rather annoyed and irritable. 'Probably some snarky ass remark from Mr. Smart Mouth over there…I swear he goes out of his way to piss me off or something…must really be looking for my foot in his ass…deserves it too for making me look bad…'  
  
"He said it was stupid daddy." Laurie informs him flippantly, looking up from her yogurt. 'And that little brother is why I'm the favourite…take the heat off of me by putting it on you…'  
  
Kitty again attempts to divert the conversation away from certain disaster by looking in Eric's direction and inquiring, "Ok, ok. Eric, what are you going to do this weekend?"  
  
"Oh, me and the gang are gonna catch that wrestling match in Kenosha." Eric replies offhandedly, looking up from his dinner. 'Man, Laurie's the devil…I need to get even with her for this… Good thing Mom jumped in, cause Dad was really starting to look mad...'  
  
"Oh well now isn't that something?" Kitty begins in a conspiratorial manner. She looks toward Red, and continues, "Because a certain Mr. Red Forman used to wrestle in high school." 'Those two are gonna spend some time together if it kills them…and by the looks of this dinner, it just might…'  
  
"No, no, no, what I did then was real. That stuff on TV that's uh, that's all an act," says Red evasively. 'I can see what she's trying to do here…and there is no way it's going to work...'  
  
"Oh I don't know. I bet if the two of you went together you'd really enjoy yourselves. Right guys?" Kitty counters. 'Stubborn as mules, the two of them…they're really more alike than they think… Thing is, I know if I push this enough, they'll cave… They are going to this wrestling match together, and that's all there is to it…'  
  
As predicted, Eric and Red start objecting to this rather vehemently. Eventually Kitty decides she's heard enough objections and slams her fists on the table, effectively shutting Eric and Red up.  
  
"So you're going!" Kitty orders them before she starts laughing.  
  
FORMAN'S DRIVEWAY  
  
The gang is getting ready to leave for Kenosha. Jackie opens the back door of the Cruiser.  
  
Donna walks up to Jackie and taps her on the shoulder. "Jackie, what are you doing here? You hate wrestling," she inquires of the perky brunette.  
  
Jackie gets a sappy look on her face, and responds sweetly with, "Michael likes it and anything that Michael likes, I like 'cause I like Michael." 'So far this sweet act has been working…but how much longer to do I have to endure this? I swear if I have to do this much longer, the sweetness will rot the teeth right out of my mouth…on second thought…it's all worth it for Michael…'  
  
"Yeah, that's my girl!" Kelso replies encouragingly. They hug each other and get into the back of the Cruiser. 'I really love the new Jackie…wish I would've figured out how to make her like this sooner…'  
  
"Oh, barf!" Donna exclaims disgustedly, placing her finger down her throat in a gagging gesture. 'Man, Kelso's a pig…'  
  
"Come on, watch your legs!" Red informs the gang as he tries to shut the back door of the Cruiser, so they can be on their way. 'I really wish Kitty hadn't made me go along with all these weird kids…I mean, I'm pretty sure I've caught the foreign kid eating stuff off the floor, and Kelso? I won't even go there…'  
  
Bob ambles over, sees everyone leaving, and starts hinting around that he would like to go along, as Midge is going to a therapy session. "Eh, taking the gang to the wrestling matches, huh? Ah, I guess I'll just sit home alone tonight since Midge is going to some therapy thing. I'll be alone..."  
  
Red looks over at him with pity, "Get in the car Bob!"  
  
Bob goes to the back door of the car, extremely happy that he won't have to spend the evening by himself.  
  
"Eric, gimme the keys." Red orders his son, and puts out his hand. 'I know the way these kids drive nowadays…if he thinks I'm gonna let him drive, he's got another thought coming…'  
  
"Why can't I drive?" Eric counters, in his defense. 'Doesn't he even trust me to get him there safely? Geez, what a hard ass...'  
  
"Because I wanna get there in one piece," explains Red, rather irritated at this point. Again he gestures for Eric to hand over the keys. 'Quit questioning me and hand over the keys dumbass…' At this point Kitty walks up behind Red to say goodbye to everyone, as well as break up the confrontation going on between father and son.  
  
"Hey, can we get a move on, huh?! If I miss that twenty midget free for all, I'm gonna be super pissed!" Hyde exclaims exasperatedly, while leaning out the back window.   
  
"Fine, you drive," Eric replies in irritated concession, and tossing Red the keys. 'Geez…I wish Dad could lighten up for just once in his life… Can we just get out of here already, I mean he has the keys, so what's the hold up?'  
  
"Red…" Kitty begins warningly. 'Why can't he just relax and let Eric drive for a change? I mean, he's taken me to work many times…he doesn't drive that badly…in fact, he's a pretty good driver actually…'  
  
"You know, on second thought, you should drive. After all, tonight I'm just one of the gang." Red replies uneasily, as he hands the car keys back to Eric, who then gets into the car. 'I wish she wouldn't make me do this…I mean if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have to go on this stupid outing in the first place…' "This isn't gonna work, you know. We're gonna kill each other," he turns to Kitty and utters as they prepare to depart. 'Might as well make one last effort to get out of this…'  
  
"Well fine, kill each other. Just do it together!" Kitty orders him in response. 'In the future, they will be thanking me for this…I'm sure of it…'  
  
VISTA CRUISER  
  
Eric is driving, while Red is sitting beside him in the front nitpicking his driving. Everyone else is in the backseat wrestling with each other; Donna has Hyde in a head lock, similar to the one she had Eric in earlier; Fez is trying to put Bob into a stranglehold; Kelso is trying to pull Fez off of Bob and into a chokehold, while Jackie is attempting to pull him away from the rest of the gang, so he doesn't get hurt.  
  
"Both hands on the wheel Eric. Ten and two, ten and two!" Red instructs his son sternly. 'I wish I would never have given this dumbass the keys back...then I would never have to contend with all these stupid kids goofing off in the backseat...and of course, little girl in big boy pants Bob just had to get everyone riled up...'  
  
"Dad, if you wanna drive…" Eric begins falteringly, and turns toward his father reluctantly. 'If I would have known he was gonna be quite this annoying, I would've just let him drive in the first place...'  
  
"No, no, no, that's alright. I'm just one of the gang." Red concedes nervously, then..."Yield Eric! That sign says yield!"  
  
he exclaims. 'Dumbass can't even keep his eyes on the road...'  
  
We now see Red driving the car, while everyone else sits silently staring straight ahead.  
  
"Ah, that's better!" Red sighs in relief, a huge grin on his face.  
  
THE WRESTLING ARENA  
  
  
  
Red, Donna, and Eric are all sitting together.  
  
"This is so ridiculous." Red says scowling, then looks to Eric and adds sternly, "When we get home tonight you better tell your mother we had a damn good time!" 'Dammit...everything here is so fake and expensive it's ridiculous...if it hadn't been for Kitty's harping I could've been home reading the paper right now rather than having to entertain this group of dumbasses...'  
  
"Well, so far so good." replies Eric sarcastically. 'I wish he would've just stayed home...I know Mom meant well, but she knows Dad's done nothing but threaten to put his foot in my ass for the past 17 years...how does she figure that one outing would change that?'  
  
"Yeah, yeah and now I've gotta go and spend two dollars for a ten cent beer!" Red snaps as he gets up and makes his way down the aisle.  
  
"Gee, I'm so glad our dads came." Donna says amidst eye rolling. 'Why can't Red let up on Eric for even one night? What a hardass...and look at my dad...down the aisle crying the blues to poor Fez...not to mention Hyde...I really have to make a point of thanking them later for this...'  
  
"At least yours is leaving you alone." Eric replies, glancing down the aisle. 'Unlike my dad...who never leaves me alone...'  
  
"Yeah. Poor Fez, huh?" Donna responds. 'Fez seems to be getting the worst of it from what I can tell...but Hyde's having to hear it too...poor guys. Now, why didn't I mention about Hyde having to hear my dad's whining too? It's not like Eric suspects anything...' She glances at Eric again who looks back questioningly. 'Or does he?'  
  
Eric, missing the direction of Donna's thoughts, but finally realizing she was talking about Fez replies, "Yeah."  
  
They both look down the aisle where Bob is sitting near Fez, and has his arm around his shoulder. Hyde is sitting on the other side of Fez.  
  
Bob keeps whining to Fez about his marital problems, while Fez looks on, somewhat sympathetically, but annoyed nonetheless. "There I was sittin' in the kitchen, just sittin' in the kitchen when boom, she tells me she needs therapy. Yeah Midge and I had a beautiful thing Fezzie, then it all went wrong."  
  
Hyde looks over to Bob, "Yeah Bob, women are hell. Why don't you grab us all a beer and we'll talk it over." 'Gotta help out Fez here man...besides Bob is getting kinda annoying, and if he's gonna yammer on like this I may as well get a free beer out of it...on the other hand though, this oughta score me big points with Donna, though she's had eyes only for Forman since we got here...don't know why I waste my time with this stuff man...women are hell...'  
  
Bob decides to try and pull the responsible 'parental' act for once..."I can get you sodas 'cause I know you're underage."  
  
"Bob, this isn't about us. It's about you, and you need friends, and beer." Hyde informs him while shaking his head pitifully. 'I have no idea how a great girl like Donna could have a father like this...' He glances down the aisle wistfully at her for a couple seconds, and tosses an irritated look in Eric's direction when he puts his arm around her. 'Wonder if Bob will get us those beers now...it's gonna be a long night....'  
  
"Hey, how stupid do you think I am?" Bob snaps back defensively.  
  
"Why don't we grab a beer and we'll talk it over?" counters Hyde persistently. 'If I hammer him enough, I'm sure he'll get us that beer...he needs someone to whine to about Midge, and there's no one but us around...'  
  
"Ah, no." Bob retorts simply.  
  
At this point, Hyde is getting rather irritated. He brushes Bob off by mocking him with an imitation of himself, "Well then Bob, you're on your own." 'Screw this...I'll just go find another way to get that beer...hell, getting away from Bob, and from seeing Donna with Forman is an added bonus...'  
  
"See how you drive people away!" Fez adds in a disgusted tone, as both he and Hyde get up and walk away, leaving Bob alone.  
  
WRESTLING ARENA  
  
The First Match  
  
Red has his eyes focused on the wrestling matches, while asking, "What's going on here?"  
  
Eric too, is focused on the match in progress. He points to the wrestler coming into the ring and replies, "Ok, see that guy getting in the ring? That's Rocky Johnson." He turns and looks in his father's direction and exclaims excitedly, "Yeah, he's the best!"  
  
Rocky enters the ring, and starts wrestling with a couple of midgets...one of whom bites him on the leg.  
  
"The best?! They're not even fighters. I mean, it's all tricks. I could get up there, right now and-" Red begins in earnest protest, then riveted by the match cuts himself off mid-rant and exclaims giddily, "Oh damn! He dropped that guy right on his head!" and starts to laugh while taking a swig of his beer. 'You know, this evening might not be so bad after all...even with the dumbasses...'   
  
"Yeah!" Eric exclaims, just as excited. 'You know, this evening with Dad isn't turning out as badly as I feared. Hell, I'm even starting have fun...who would've thought...? But unless I'm mistaken, Hyde was tossing me some pretty dirty looks...seriously, what's up with that?'  
  
LATER, ANOTHER MATCH  
  
The first wrestler has a second wrestler in a headlock. He looks up and addresses the audience, "Yeah, that's right, I got him! He's not goin' anywhere!" before he finishes the match and wins.  
  
At this point the second wrestler is getting pretty angry and attempts to pin the first one, who turns around and shouts, "Yeah, get off me! I'm the winner here!"  
  
We now see Kelso who is engrossed in the match, his gaze completely riveted. He tosses a side comment to Jackie, who is sitting beside him. "Man, It's hot in here, huh?"  
  
"Oh you poor thing!" she replies pitifully before searching her drink for a chunk of ice. Upon finding one, she rubs it on Kelso's forehead. 'I really love Michael, and if I have to be nice to keep him I will...or I may die trying because I am really getting of this...but it's worth it...' She continues to baby him, "Is that better, sweetie?"  
  
"Oh Yeah!" Kelso exclaims elated. 'This new Jackie is really workin' out...she's a definite keeper...and a handy lil thing...'  
  
Donna walks up to them. Upon seeing them she gets a disgusted and annoyed look on her face. She looks right at Jackie and says demandingly, "Jackie, can I talk to you for a second?" 'If I have to see one more second of this, I swear I'm gonna barf...Hyde would never treat me this way...Eric man, you mean Eric would never treat you this way...hell, am I even sure anymore?'  
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Jackie begins distractedly, still gazing at Kelso adoringly. Then, "Michael…"  
  
Donna realizes that she'll never get her cheerleader friend out of there outside of using sheer force. With that thought in mind, she grabs her by the arm and pulls her out of the chair, and away from Kelso.  
  
"OWW!" Jackie exclaims, and rubs her arm after Donna releases her. 'Geez, what a lumberjack...if she doesn't watch it, she'll bruise someone...wonder what she found so important that she had to tear me away from Michael...'  
  
"Jackie, what the hell is going on between you and Kelso?" Donna asks pointedly. 'I hope it's not what I'm thinking it is, cause that's just gross...'  
  
"Look, Michael Kelso and I have made beautiful love." Jackie answers, and stares of into space wistfully. 'Ah, okay...that's what she wanted...I hope Michael doesn't need anything...and the lumberjack has looked kinda distracted herself this evening...I have a feeling I know why, but I've been laying low this past week or so, hoping that Nancy Drew will find some clues...'  
  
"Eww! I mean...No, eww!" Donna replies disgustedly and shudders, before looking directly at her and inquiring pointedly, "Why are you being such a doormat?" 'Hey, at least the heat's off of me for a while...and she's not pestering me for a change about Eric and Hyde...for a while there she wouldn't leave me alone...gee, now that I think about it, I wonder if she's up to something...eh, probably not...looks like she's got her hands full with Kelso...seriously...Eww!'  
  
"Look, I have to be nice." Jackie counters, and looks over toward Kelso. Then she turns her gaze back to Donna and asks worriedly, "What if he gets bored now?" 'As much as this annoys me...I do love him...and I'm afraid to lose him...so I'll be this way as long as I have to...'  
  
"Bored?" Donna asks with sarcasm and disdain. Then, "Jackie, he's gonna wanna do it again." 'You would think, she of all people would realize this...she actually has Kelso more wrapped around her little finger than ever...if only my love life problems were so simple. Eric or Hyde? How on earth am I supposed to decide? I mean, Hyde's sweet in ways I never would have expected...and the kisses? Wow! Eric's never kissed me quite like that... In fact, I have been feeling rather distant with Eric lately...I mean he's a great guy and all, but our relationship never took off quite the way I hoped it would. I know I need to speak to them both about it, but how? I mean, Hyde hasn't mentioned kiss on the ski trip since then...so maybe I'm simply making it into more than it was...though I do still sometimes catch little looks and actions from him that make me think that's not so. But if it's not, and he wants more, why hasn't he come to me about it? I mean, he initiated the kiss to begin with, so he should come to me about it...Could it be because of Eric...? Speaking of Eric, I know he's been getting kind of suspicious lately too...he hasn't come right out and said anything, but you can just tell that he knows something is going on...'  
  
Oblivious to her friend's inner struggle, Jackie comes out with a boastful sounding, "So, what you're saying is I'm totally in charge." 'Hmm...never would've thought about him wanting to do it again...the lumberjack just may be on to something there...'  
  
This effectively cuts off Donna's inner dialogue. She turns back to her bossy midget friend and begins falteringly, "Well, I mean a partner…"  
  
Jackie cuts her off though, high in her exuberance and newfound power. "No, no, no, I own him! I am the Man!" 'Finally a way out of putting on the nice, put upon girlfriend...'  
  
"Well, Jackie, I…" Donna counters falteringly. 'I didn't intend for her to take it like this...but then again, it's Jackie, so...'  
  
The petite brunette, puts her hand on Donna's arm and looks her directly in the eyes with a look of gratitude for her newfound freedom. "No, no. Thank you Donna."  
  
THE REFRESHMENTS STAND  
  
Hyde walks up to the stand and speaks with the attendant. 'If Bob won't get me a beer, I guess I'll have to do it myself...' "Good evening Sir. I would like a refreshing cola please."  
  
"And get me a beer, son!" Fez, who is out of view exclaims in a deep voice.  
  
"Ok, Dad, sure." Hyde replies, and looks off toward Fez before turning back to the attendant. "And a beer for my dad..." 'I hope this works cause I really need that beer...between Bob's rambling, and seeing Donna get cozy with Forman, this isn't exactly turning into a stellar night...even with the twenty midget free for all...'  
  
He continues to stand and wait for the attendant to bring him the beer. After a few minutes of waiting, he realizes he's not going to be getting the beer. 'Dammit...I was hoping this would work...now what...? Guess it's back to pestering Bob...' He just looks at the attendant and says nonchalantly, "You're not gonna get me that beer are you?"  
  
Fez walks up, wondering what the hold up on the beer situation is. He continues using the same deep voice and addresses Hyde with, "What seems to be the problem, son?"  
  
BACK TO RING  
  
A wrestler gets thrown out of the ring and lands at Eric and Red's feet. They both get up in a confrontational manner toward the wrestler.  
  
Eric speaks first, shouting at the wrestler, "What are you doing? Don't just sit there!"  
  
Red then comes in with, "Get up you big moose! Look, he's laughing at you." 'Man, this really is turning out to be fun...who would've thought...? I'll never tell Kitty that I actually enjoyed myself though, or she'll make hanging out with these dumbasses a regular occurrence...'  
  
The wrestler just looks at them sternly, trying pitifully to defend himself and look somewhat confrontational. "I give and I give and I give!"  
  
Red just looks at him scornfully, and counters with a sarcastic, "Boo hoo. Get back in the ring!"  
  
The wrestler gives them both a threatening look before heading back into the ring. Confrontation over, Red and Eric sit back down beside each other. Red looks over at Eric with a smile on his face and says, "Hey this is fun." before turning back and continuing to watch the match.  
  
LOCKER ROOM DOOR  
  
Eric and Red are standing and waiting for Rocky Johnson to sign autographs.   
  
He walks up and Eric steps up, pen and paper in hand and inquires, "Hey Rocky Johnson. Hey Mr. Johnson, Sir, may I have your autograph?" Rocky walks past like he didn't even hear him and heads into the locker room.  
  
Red looks at his son expectantly. "Eric, go in there and get your autograph." he demands with impatience. 'That guy should've stopped to sign the autograph for Eric...what an ass...'  
  
Eric looks at the door, then turns back to Red. "No way Dad, the sign says wrestlers only." he replies nervously. 'He's actually being nice for a change...something's up here...I'm not gonna take the bait, only to have him kick my ass later...'  
  
"So?" Red counters, shrugging to indicate that the sign shouldn't stop him. 'If the dumbass doesn't go in there, I'll end up having to go myself...and if I have to do that, you better believe I won't be getting the autograph for him...'  
  
Eric counters by throwing Red's previous rant back in his face. "So, that's a rule. As I remember, a great man once said to me if we were to break the rules, the world would just be filled with tree climbing crap flingers." 'I wonder how he'll react to his own saying...this may get interesting...'  
  
Red just responds with a simple, "Yeah." Then he continues, breaking his own rule, "Now follow me. You want your autograph or no?" 'Why are you being such a dumbass? That advice doesn't apply to everything...sometimes you have to fight for what you want, or you'll just get stomped on for being all twitchy and weird...'  
  
They both push the door open and walk in, and see Rocky immediately. "There he is!" Red exclaims and points right at him.  
  
Eric walks up to Rocky with a look of awe and admiration on his face. "Mr. Johnson, you gave that team of midgets an ass whoopin', sir." he gushes. 'I'm so glad Dad made me come in here...WOW! Rocky Johnson...wait till everyone hears about this...'  
  
"When you pile drive a little guy, the whole crowd turns on you. Then when you're standing there, wondering what they're booing about, you get bit on the knee caps." Rocky replies, then looks toward his knees, "Look at my knees, midget bites."  
  
After looking at the bites on Rocky's knee, Red directs him a request, "I wonder if you'd mind giving my son an autograph." 'More like one for me...I mean Eric was being all twitchy about coming in here, and he goes to these sorts of things all the time...and those matches were actually a lot of fun to watch, though I'll never tell Kitty that...'  
  
Upon hearing this, the manager walks over and bites out, "No, no autographs."  
  
"Look, I might be the only guy in here who's actually killed a man." Red replies, and assumes a menacing stance, complete with scowl. 'Stupid manager better not stop us from getting the autograph...he's really looking for a foot in his ass...'  
  
The manager maintains his cool as he turns to Rocky and says, "Give the kid an autograph and then no more autographs."  
  
"You know that's really nice, bringing your kid to a wrestling match. I got a son, and one day he's gonna become the most electrifying man in sports entertainment." Rocky boasts to Red as he prepares to sign the autograph.  
  
"Yeah, well, good luck with that." Red replies', brushing him off, then directs, "Uh, wanna make that out to Red Forman." 'If we can only get one autograph, you can bet I'm getting it for me...not the twitchy dumbass over there that was too afraid to even come in here...'  
  
Eric catches on to this and counters with, "No, no, I don't think so. It's Eric Forman, capital E-R-I-C." 'He didn't even want to be here in the first place, and now he's downright lying to get the autograph? Not gonna happen...nope nope, it's not...'  
  
"Yeah but see, his nickname is Red." 'Forget it son, there's no way you're getting that autograph...'  
  
"No, it's not." 'Give it up already Dad...'  
  
"Stop kidding around, Red." Red adds, and taps him in the arm jokingly. 'Sign the autograph already Rocky, so we can get the hell outta here...and sign it to Red...'  
  
BACK TO THE RING SIDE  
  
Kelso, eyes riveted to the ring, 'subtly' makes a suggestion to Jackie sitting beside him. "You know, babe, a soda would taste pretty good right about now." 'Yep...lovin' the new Jackie...'  
  
Jackie, reverting to previous form upon realizing her newfound freedom counters with, "Yeah, you're right, a soda does sound pretty good. I'll have a diet." after thinking to herself, 'Donna's right, he will wanna do it again...and this is the perfect opportunity to let him know he can't walk all over me anymore...'  
  
"I'll have a root beer..." Kelso responds, not taking his eyes off the ring. After a few seconds, he sees that Jackie hasn't moved, so he turns to her, makes kissy faces and adds, "Um, don't you wanna go get it for me, sweetie?" 'Something isn't quite right here...why isn't she running to get us the sodas? Dammit...I hope I haven't lost the new Jackie...'  
  
Jackie looks at him with irritation and disgust. 'Doesn't he get it?! What an idiot...guess I'll have to be more direct then.' "Ok, let me clear it up for you. Get me a soda!!!! Now!!!!"  
  
Upon hearing this, Kelso gets up and runs to the concession stand like the hounds of hell are after him. Jackie taps Donna on the shoulder as Donna moved to sit beside them when Red left with Eric. She's been tossing glances in Hyde's direction every so often ever since, but at the moment her eye was on the ring. Jackie's tap startles her for a second before she composes herself and glares at Jackie, evidently annoyed.  
  
"Did you see that?" Jackie asks, and gestures toward the departing Kelso. "I'm the man." she adds pointedly, gesturing toward herself. 'It feels so good to be in charge again...and to think, it's all thanks to the lumberjack'  
  
DOWN THE AISLE  
  
Bob walks over to Fez and Hyde with two beers in his hands. He sits down between them and hands one to each of them with a look of resignation on his face. He then puts one arm on Fez's shoulder, the other on Hyde's.  
  
"It all started about six months ago when Midgy got a subscription to Cosmo…" Bob begins, as the two of them put up the pretense of listening, though both them are also caught up with the matches, and Hyde tosses the occasional wistful look in Donna's direction. At once point, their gazes meet for a second before both turn away.  
  
FORMAN LIVING ROOM  
  
Eric and Red are just getting in. Both appear to be in pretty good moods, which is surprising after the fight it took them to go anywhere together in the first place.  
  
Eric turns to Red and says, "You know, thanks for letting me drive." 'I'm still amazed he actually let me drive home...especially after the fight we had on the way over there...Dad in a good mood is actually a little scary though...better enjoy it while it lasts, cause who knows when the other shoe is gonna drop...'  
  
"Thanks for not killing me." Red replies breezily, a huge grin on his face. 'He actually drove home rather well after I just relaxed, sat back, and kept my mouth shut...amazing...turned out to be a pretty good night...dumbasses and all...hell, Rocky Johnson even added both Eric and Red to the autograph which was nice...'  
  
"You know, I just had a lot of fun tonight with you Dad." Eric adds candidly, smile still on his face. 'I'm actually kinda glad Mom made me and Dad go to this thing together...though I'd never actually tell her that...wouldn't wanna push my luck since Dad's like almost always mad at me for some reason...'  
  
"Yeah, me too." Red replies, still a bit surprised that he actually means what he's saying. 'For such a twitchy kid, he's really not all bad...not that I'll ever admit it to anyone, especially not to him or Kitty...they'll never let me hear the end of it...'  
  
They turn to each other and get ready to wrestle.  
  
"Oh you want some, huh?" Red says laughingly as they lock arms and commence wrestling each other.   
  
"Yeah." Eric replies, just as enthusiastically as he tackles Red and puts him into a headlock. He gets a look of glorious victory on his face and adds a boastful, "Yes! Who's the king? Who's the king?!" 'You know...this is actually pretty fun...I really had fun with Dad tonight...hopefully we'll get along a bit better after this...though I'm not holding my breath...I mean it is Dad, after all...'  
  
"Oww, my neck, oh!" Red exclaims, supposedly 'in pain'. 'You'll see that your Dad still has some good moves in him son...we'll just see who the king REALLY is...'  
  
Eric lets him go, thinking he really hurt him. He starts to get all apologetic, evidently buying into his father's ploy, "Oh God, Dad I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Look I had no idea…"  
  
Red, who was obviously faking takes this opportunity to tackle Eric and wrestle him into a headlock. Now he has the victorious grin on his face as he exclaims, "Now who's the king, huh?"  
  
Eric just sits looking a bit dejected and disappointed in himself for not realizing the trap his father had set for him. He comes out with a meek, "You are." 'Should've realized he was faking...now I've lost my victory...oh well, at least I'm still having fun with Dad...'  
  
Red then lets him out of the headlock and gives him a hug. 


	10. First Date

POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN 

**FEBRUARY 13TH, 1977**

**SUNDAY AFTERNOON**

**ERIC FORMAN'S BASEMENT**

Eric is laying down the couch watching 'Gilligan's Island'.  Donna walks in and sits on his stomach.

"Oh, get off me you moose!" Eric exclaims, as he looks up at her in irritation.

Donna replies with humour and sarcasm, "Oh, God Eric, I didn't even see you sitting there, you should really think about bulking up!"  __

Eric responds by looking at her for a few seconds, before beginning to tickle her.  "We'll see who should think of bulking up!"

They start to wrestle on the couch before finally falling to the floor.  Donna lands on top of Eric.  She turns to the TV, and then back to Eric with a question in her eyes, "What are you watching?"   _Just how does Eric find these programs anyway?_

Before Eric can reply, Hyde, Fez, and Kelso walk in.

"Hey, Gilligan is on!"  Fez shouts gleefully, looking at the TV, and then upon seeing Donna and Eric, "What are you doing on the floor?"

Donna and Eric decide to get up off the floor before they are asked any more questions.

"Yeah, why don't you guys get a room?" Hyde adds sarcastically, tosses a fleeting jealous look in Eric direction, and glancing at Donna wistfully.  _God…I swear if I have to see much more of this, I'm gonna be sick…_

"We have a room Hyde, it's called my basement." Eric counters, slightly angry.  _What's with him lately?  I mean, both he and Donna have been a little too 'chummy' lately as it is, and Donna has been getting increasingly distant…hmmm…Valentines Day's coming up…maybe I should give her my class ring…that should end all this insecurity and strange behaviour…I mean, I wanna be with Donna, and she wants to be with me, right?_

Kelso sits between Eric and Donna, which prompts Donna to get up to leave.

"Well, I'm going home. Bye guys!" Donna says breezily, turns and glances first at Eric, then at Hyde before heading out the door.  _Geez…the tension in here is thick enough to cut with a knife…might be best to leave while the leaving's good…I think I know who I really wanna be with, but he won't talk to me…_She glances again in Hyde's direction, trying to read his thoughts.  _I wish I knew what he's been thinking since the ski trip…that would make the decision easier somewhat, but he hasn't talked to me…hey, maybe that's what the 'studying' at the library is about…hmmm…I mean, it is past time we talked…And I know I shouldn't be leading Eric on if I wanna be with Hyde, but what if I'm wrong about this…_

 "Oh, so Donna don't forget. I'll see you tomorrow night at the library right?" Hyde inquires.  _Since she still hasn't talked to me about what happened on the ski trip, I guess I'll have to be the one to bring it up…though she does seem to be stuck on Forman now, her actions sometimes make me wonder though…if I don't ask, I'll never know, and all this suspense and drama is driving me nuts…besides I have a feeling if I don't make a move now, she'll choose Forman and I'll never have another chance…though I don't relish the thought of having Forman kick my ass…who am I kidding, I could kick his ass any day of the week, but I wouldn't cause I know in this case, he'd be justified…_

"Yeah right." Donna tosses over her shoulder as she opens the door to leave.  _So, he did bring it up again…hmmm…I do agree that we can't continue like this…it's festering between all of us, poisoning everything…maybe this will finally make everything clear and things can get back to normal around here…_

Eric exclaims eagerly, "I'll walk you home!"  _This is the best chance I have to ask her out for a romantic Valentines dinner so I can give her my class ring…saving our relationship and preventing me from having to worry about Hyde swooping in and stealing her…I could be totally off base there, but it has been eating at me for a while…the little looks and everything…_

Kelso, once again completely oblivious turns to Eric and points out, "She lives right next door, man."

"Yeah." Eric replies flippantly.  He jumps off the couch and hits Kelso in the head.  _Kelso, you are **so** the king…that's for almost blowing my plan, stupid…  _He turns and runs after Donna, who's already left the basement.  He gets outside, and catches her at the top of the stairs.  "Donna!"  She turns around and comes back downstairs to see what he wanted.

"Uh, about tomorrow night, I was thinking that maybe you and I could go out to dinner, for Valentine's Day." Eric asks falteringly.  _God I hope this works…_

"Oh, Hyde asked me to study at the library, so…" Donna begins to reply, but gets cut off.  

"I mean, you can do that anytime, right?" Eric counters.  _C'mon Donna…I mean, it's the library…who wants to spend Valentines Day there…I wanna take you out for a nice romantic dinner…that's gotta be better…right?_

"Um, yeah, yeah, I'd love to go!" Donna replies uncertainly.  _I wonder what he's up to here…though a nice dinner does sound good…I mean, I know I need to talk to Hyde, but maybe it would be better if I talked to Eric first…hell, I don't know what to think anymore…_

"It's great, uh, so then it's a, it's a date." Eric replies with a touch of uncertainty of his own.  _Oh, I hope this works…she didn't seem too thrilled about it, but she did agree to go…guess time will tell…_

"Our first." Donna replies.  _And maybe our last…_

"Yeah… if you don't count all the times I mauled you." Eric continues.  _Did I **really** just say that?_

"Yeah. Um, which I don't, so…" _Now, **why** did he have to go and bring that up…?_

Eric leans in and is about to kiss Donna, who's still standing there with a look of confusion on her face when Jackie comes down the stairs, effectively interrupting the scene.  She lets out a cheery, yet sly sounding, "Hey guys!", and then just stares at the two of them for a few seconds.  "So, what's going on?" she continues in the same tone.  

Donna, taking the chance to escape lets out a quick, "I'll talk to you guys later," before she runs off.

After she leaves, Eric and Jackie turn and walk back into the basement.

"So Eric, what were you and Donna talking all hot and heavy about?" Jackie inquires, continuing her earlier interrogation.  _Yeah, just what **were** you two up to?  C'mon spill…I'm overdue for some juicy gossip…_

"Your hair." Eric retorts.  _There, that oughta shut her up for a change…cheerleaders…_

"Really?" Jackie counters, surprised.  _Hmm…maybe I'm actually doing this group good for a change…they're starting to recognize my **excellent **fashion sense…_

Eric chooses this moment to drop the façade, as well as let the bubble that is Jackie's ego burst.  "No. We're going out to dinner tomorrow night for Valentine's day."

Before Jackie has a chance to reply, Hyde turns to him with a combination of frustration, jealousy and a wee bit of anger and counters with, "Uh, no, no, no. Donna and I are going to the library to study tomorrow night."  _Just what **are **you up to here Forman?!  You know that Donna and I were supposed to go to the library, we were just talking about it…you know, this frickin sucks man…I finally get the courage up to talk to her, and you just swoop in and do this…Well, I guess if didn't want to go to dinner with Forman, she would have turned him down…so I guess it's over…I waited too long, and she's made her choice…guess I'll just have to live with it…_

Jackie, not helping Hyde's current state of mind, turns to him and says, "On Valentine's day? Who studies on Valentine's day?"

"Well, I didn't know it was Valentine's Day when I made the date… to study." Hyde replies.  _Yeah, good cover man…dammit!  Should've taken her someplace nice instead of going to the library of all places…then maybe she wouldn't have hopped at the chance for a fancy dinner with Forman…man, life sucks…_

"Well, I'm sure she just forgot about you." Eric replies, and looks at him with a 'smile'.  _Man, if Donna wanted to go with you to the library, she would've gone…looks like I was right to be insecure about the two of them, but she chose me, even after she already agreed to go to the library with Hyde…that must mean something…I've decided…I'm gonna give her my ring over dinner…_

Hyde looks at him exasperated before belting out, "We just talked about it a minute ago!"  _Quit giving me that snide look man…makes me wanna knock it right off your face…_

"Women, you know?" Eric begins, and shrugs.  Then he continues,  "I mean. Anyway, I'm gonna give Donna my class ring."  He opens the ring box and shows them the ring.  _See Hyde?  She'll be my girlfriend now, this'll blow over and things can get back to normal around here…oh, and did I forget to say, I won?_

Jackie leans over and gazes at the ring.  She puts her hand to her chest in a gesture of appreciation and utters a simple, "Oh!"  _How romantic…I wish Michael would give me a ring like this…I wonder what Donna will think though…she stills seems pretty hung up on Hyde, though I still can't get her to tell me anything…_

Kelso jumps in with a rather clueless, "No, forget rings! You wanna score with Donna, use my super Funk eight track."  _Why did you have go and get this for Donna man!  Don't you know it's only gonna make Jackie want one?  And I spent just my last $10 on a new remote control car…_

Eric chooses this moment to drive his point home.  "Anyway, I figured it's time to make it official. I mean she's just been waiting for any jerk to swoop down on her."

"And you're that jerk," retorts Hyde with both sarcasm and venom.  _You really know how to rub it in don't ya, Forman?  If you only knew how much I wanted to frog you right now…_

"Well, better me than some other jerk." Eric tosses over his shoulder, while looking over at Fez.  __

Fez looks at him and leaps to his own immediate defense.  He effectively brings the issue into the open with a flippant,  "Why are you looking at me, Hyde's the other jerk!"

THE BASEMENT 

"So, Eric and Donna are going out Saturday night. That means we have no wheels!" Kelso whines, looking at Jackie.

Inspiration strikes Jackie, "Well, I can borrow my dad's car!"

"Oooh, it's a Lincoln. Leather…" Kelso begins and tosses Fez and Hyde a conspiratorial look before glancing back in his girlfriend's direction and saying, "Oh, you know what we should do? We should ditch Hyde and Fez and make out in the backseat!"  _Yeah Jackie, c'mon let's ditch these guys and do it!_

"You said that out loud." Fez informs him pointedly, and rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I don't care." Kelso replies flippantly.  _Naw, I don't care at all…I just wanna do it…**again**…_

"Hey, yeah, I know, we could go shopping for clogs! Pick me up at seven!" Jackie exclaims, ignoring his idea completely before walking out the door and going home.  _If Michael thinks we're gonna 'prove our love' every time we get a chance, he's sadly mistaken…**I'm **the man…_

"Yeah, well, have fun man, I'm out." Hyde immediately adds.  _Clog shopping on a Saturday night…how lame…and the possibility of  watching them make out…turns my stomach just thinking about it…Wouldn't be in this predicament if Forman hadn't snaked me outta my date with Donna…_

"Oh, we won't be shopping. We'll be doing it, again! 'Cause that's what we do! We do it!" Kelso  exclaims excitedly while bouncing on the couch in his exuberance.  _I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!_

"Then I'm in!" chimes Fez, with a goofy grin on his face.

Kelso looks at him sternly and replies, "Uh, um, no, you're not invited Fez."  _Where would he get the idea that he was invited?  Funny little foreign man…_

"Oh, then I'm out." Fez responds pouting, his shoulders slumped.

"Well, later." Kelso tosses over his shoulder as he jumps up and leaves.

"Well, it looks like it's just you and me little buddy." Fez says as he turns to Hyde, who's still sitting in his chair, staring off into space, a look of annoyance on his face.

"Yeah Fez, which is really wrong man, 'cause I had plans with Donna until Forman snaked me." Hyde replies, moping.  _The dill hole…_

"Who would've thought she would rather go to a nice restaurant than a smelly old library?" Fez replies, sarcastically joking.

Hyde just stands there with an upset and dejected look on his face and doesn't say a word.  Fez tries to get a response out of him by lightly frogging him in the arm, but Hyde doesn't so much as flinch.

  "You will laugh later." Fez adds sagely, as he turns and starts walking up the stairs.

FORMAN KITCHEN 

Red walks in and holds the door for someone to come through it.

Kitty is standing around in anticipation and giddily exclaims, "So, let me see!"

"Go ahead, show your mother!" Red shouts to the person just outside the door.

Eric walks in grinning, wearing a brown dress jacket.

"Oh my Gosh! That is snazzy. That is a snazzy jacket!" Kitty gushes, and walks up to get a closer look.

"Damn good thing I went with him. He wanted to buy a leisure suit!" Red replies in disbelief and rolls his eyes.  _Damn right!  Leisure suits are for pansies…_

"Oh, come on dad, leisure suits are cool. Everybody wears them!" counters Eric.  _Yeah, I had my eye on a nice blue one too…though I do kinda like this jacket, as I'm sure Donna will…_

"Leisure suits are for dumbasses. Believe me!" Red responds with finality, amidst some serious eye rolling.  _You **would **have to insist that leisure suits are cool, wouldn't ya son?_

Bob and Midge walk into the kitchen.  Bob is wearing a bad looking leisure suit.  He takes a look at Eric in his new jacket and greets him with, "Hey there Eric! Oh, looking sharp for your big date uh?"

"Oh, who knew our two little tikes will grow up to be dating!" Midge adds, all excited and bubbly.

"Oh, no, I have an idea! Let's have dinner tomorrow night, just the parents." Kitty begins in invitation, then inspiration strikes, "Oh, I'll fondue!"  _It'll be nice to have company over…gives Red less of a chance to be such an old grump…I could use the break…_

"Oh yeah, and that will give us a chance to talk about their future." Midge adds mockingly.

Kitty continues the façade by looking at Eric and winking, "Oh right, we can plan a big wedding!"  _Hell, what fun are kids if you can't get a rise out of them once in a while…this is fun!_

"I know you're joking, but could you please stop?" Eric blurts out, obviously uncomfortable with the recent turn of the conversation.  _Mom, do you really have to make such a big deal out of stuff like this all the time…?  Though on the other hand, it shows that even **they** think Donna and I should be together…if both of our parents think so, than it must be true, mustn't it…?_

The parents all start talking at the same time about 'wedding plans'.  This brings Eric out of his thoughts and makes him uncomfortable enough to contemplate bolting right out of the kitchen.

JACKIE'S CAR 

"I don't believe you Michael!" Jackie shrieks, keeping her eyes on the road rather than turning to Kelso in the drivers seat.  _I can't believe the nerve of this guy at times…I mean, I love him and all, but this was just too much!_

"What?" Kelso asks dumbly.  _God, what could Jackie be so mad about 'this' time…_

Jackie rolls her eyes at his ignorance before exclaiming shrilly,  "You can't just maul me in front of my father!"  _Man, I'm in love with a doofus…I mean, how could he not see how upset my father was when he walked in to **that**?!_

Kelso makes a weak attempt at defending himself, "He didn't even notice!"  _Well, he didn't…Jackie's just imagining stuff again…must be the distraction of my hunkalicious bod…I'm **so **hot…oh yeah!_

"He yelled at you to stop it." Jackie informs him irritated.   _How on earth could he have misinterpreted that?  Then again, it **is** Michael we're talking about here…_

Realization finally dawns over Kelso at this point, and he exclaims in understanding, "Oh, I thought he was talking to you!"  _He was looking right at her…he could've been talking to her, couldn't he?  I mean, she was pretty into it so…_

"Okay, Michael, we have a problem. Ever since we, we…" Jackie begins, before faltering.  _How can I explain this to Michael so he'll understand?  Ever since we 'proved our love' to each other, he's been pawing at me everywhere we go…and that's just not cool…_

"Did it!" Kelso exclaims excitedly, and gives her a thumbs up.  _Yeah!  We **did** it!  And we're gonna do it again tonight, cause she just can't get enough of my hot bod.  I mean, she called me her 'Apollo Rocket of Love', that has to mean something right?_

Jackie tosses him and irritated and slightly disgusted look, then counters, "Can you please use a more beautiful term?"  _I mean, think about it…how romantic does 'Do it' really sound?  Does he actually think that I find that term sexy?  Geez…_

Kelso just looks at her, clueless of what a 'better' term might be.  "Like what?"  _I mean, what could possibly cooler sounding than 'Do it' anyway?!  Knowing Jackie it'll be some term relating to her stuffed animals or something…_

"Well, like proved our love." Jackie replies primly.  _Yeah, 'proved our love' does sound much better…guess it wasn't just one of those things that sounds good in your head, but when it comes out sounds ridiculous…  'Do it'…just who does he think he's kidding with that term anyway?_

"Yeah, but did it sounds so much cooler." Kelso counters, slightly frustrated.  _Only Jackie would think of calling 'doing it' 'proving our love'…how girly sounding…I mean, why say 'proving our love' when you could say 'doing it'?_

Jackie huffs in frustration and shouts, "Okay, just take me to the mall!"  For the moment, she's given up on having any sort of civilized conversation with him.  _Man, he just keeps showing me how much more of a doofus he can be…how frustrating…it's useless trying to talk to him, he's just so stupid sometimes!_

"We're not really going shopping, are we?" Kelso asks, with veiled suggestion in his voice.  _Yeah, we're still gonna 'do it' aren't we, Jackie?  I know you can't resist my hotness for long…_

Jackie turns to him and continues to scream at him, frustrated, "Yes, I need clogs!"  _I can't believe you still think I'm gonna give you some action after this!  I should cut you off for a week on account of being such a dill hole!_

Kelso just hangs in head down in defeat and utters a simple dejected, "Oh."  _Guess I'm not getting any…not right now anyway…cause usually when Jackie says something, she means it…Damn!_

FORMAN DRIVEWAY 

"God, darn, that is a snazzy jacket! Yes sir! Brown is your color!" Red exclaims enthusiastically.  _Yeah, I really am glad I told you to get the jacket, rather than the stupid looking leisure suit you were looking at…leisure suits, geesh!_

"Thanks dad." Eric replies.  _You know, this jacket is really starting to wear on me…though I will admit that it's definitely no leisure suit…_

Kitty runs out of the house, camera poised to take a snapshot of Eric waiting for his date to arrive.

Eric starts to look panicked at the thought of his mother going camera crazy and blurts out, "No, no, no, mom, no, no, no!"  _Why does she always have to come out with the camera at times like these anyway?  Doesn't she know it embarrasses the crap outta me?_

She reluctantly puts the camera down, and looks dejected.  Red takes out his wallet and starts rifling through it as he looks at his son.  "Now let me tell you something. Order the dinner, a la carte's a sucker's bet. And remember. Pull the chair out for her, small fork is for the salad and this jacket's gotta last you all the way through college so don't spill any crap on it!"  _I really hope the dumbass doesn't screw this up, cause he won't find a nice girl like Donna who actually takes two looks at him everyday…_  After the mini lecture, he pulls some money out of his wallet and hands it to Eric, who accepts it eagerly.  "Here you go, have fun."

Donna, Bob, and Midge walk over.  All the parents make a huge fuss over Donna and Eric, making them both, particularly Donna uncomfortable.  She glances over at Eric and inquires, "Shall we?"  _We should **definitely** get out of here right now…why do parents always have to be like this anyway?  I swear, they already have us married with a couple kids or something…I mean it's our first date for crying out loud…and one I'm reluctant about at that…this is gonna be one long evening…_

Eric just looks over at her, relief at her suggestion evident.  "Good god yes!"  _Are everyone's parents like this, or is it just ours?  I mean, they are just too involved in our lives…geez…_

Both of them move toward the car quickly, anxious to escape any more embarrassment from their parents.  Midge takes out a camera, and starts taking pictures frantically.

"Smile!" Midge exclaims giddily, still clicking away.  

"Oh now, if she gets to do it, I get to do it!" Kitty shouts, and starts chasing Eric, who attempts to dodge the shots, around the car to get some pictures.  _Awww, how cute…my cute lil baby boy's first date… Slow down will you?!  One day you'll appreciate us taking all these pictures…_

Red dodges into the middle of the action, and tries to get Kitty to stop the picture taking.  "Kitty, Kitty!"  _Do you really have to humiliate the boy like that, Kitty?  Stop taking the damn pictures already…_

As Red admonishes Kitty, Eric finally slips into the car and closes the door.  He turns to Donna and says nervously, "Wow, talk about pressure huh?" _Wow!  They must really want us to be together or something…while I think that must a good sign, I wish they would just chill out a bit…god…_

"Yeah, I mean this is a huge deal…" Donna begins falteringly, then continues,  "…to our parents."  _Nice cover…no matter what comes of this night, this **is **a big deal…it'll tell me once and for all who I really wanna be with…either way, I've needed to speak to both Eric and Hyde for awhile…at least this will get one of those conversations out of the way.  And Eric, for the most part has treated me like a queen since we started seeing each other, so I owe it to him to speak with him first…Bob and Midge getting all excited about our date didn't exactly help the situation any either, though it only emphasizes how perfect everyone thinks Eric and I are for each other…_

Eric starts the car, which starts up the eight-track player as well.  The song, "Disco Lady" starts playing, "Move it in, move it out, shove it in, shove it out, Disco Lady hey!"

Both Donna and Eric look extremely uncomfortable with the song's lyrics.  Eric realizes that Kelso must've left his Super Funk eight track in his car the last time he got a ride somewhere. Eric thinks, _I'm gonna frog Kelso **so** hard for this…_

FORMAN DRIVEWAY 

****

Hyde and Fez are shooting hoops.  

Fez turns to Hyde inquisitively, "So what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know man, what do you wanna do?"  _I wouldn't be stuck here bored if Forman hadn't stolen my date right out from under me…_

"Oh let's go to the Hub." Fez suggests, and then gets a grin on his face.  "I got my eye on this plump girl."

"Sounds good man, but I'll pass!" Hyde replies, looking a little frustrated and dejected.  _Even Fez has his eye on someone…not that I'd be interested in some fat chick, but still…  Guess I've gotta move on…I mean Donna ditched me to go on the date with Forman, how much more obvious could she have made it anyway?  Wish I would've just talked to her while I had the chance…man, I wanna kill Forman!_

Fez turns to Hyde with a look of 'pity'.  "Poor Hyde!"

Hyde just looks at him, irritated, confused, and more than a little angry.  "What?"  _Just what are you getting at man!  Am I that transparent for crying out loud…guess I need to practice my Zen or something…_

"You love Donna, and she's with your good friend Eric." Fez replies solemnly.

Hyde just continues to stare at him before questioning "And?"  _Must he persist in throwing this in my face?  I mean, I've already blown my chance with her, why can't he just leave me the hell alone?_

Fez adds, "And that's the oldest story in the world. And a sad one at that."

Hyde starts to get really agitated now and replies heatedly, "You know what man?  I had a chance, and I didn't take it.  And once Forman gives her that ring man, they're going out!  And it would be really scummy to hit on her then.  Not that I wouldn't do it, it'd just be really scummy!"  _Great…now I'm wallowing in my own self pity and sharing it with of all people, Fez…the only one in the group with a bigger mouth than him is Jackie, and we won't even go there…besides, what could I possibly do now anyway…I mean she's on the date with Forman…_

Fez drags him out of his inner turmoil with some sage advice.  "If you don't tell Donna how you feel, then you will regret it."

Upon hearing this, Hyde makes a decision and throws the ball to Fez.  "I'm going to the Vineyard."  _Hell, I can't make a bigger ass out of myself than I have already, and I'll never know what might have been if I don't try…besides this talk has been a long time coming, though I just kept putting it off…and oddly enough, now I can't seem to remember what made me put it off for so long…_

"Good for you." Fez says smiling, then continues nervously.  "Oh, just don't tell Eric what I said because I really like his basement."

Hyde nods at him and smiles, letting him know that his secret is safe with him before running off toward the Vineyard, and Donna…

THE VINEYARD 

****

Eric looks up at Donna over the menu.  "Well, this is quite a menu!"  _Yeah, and I can only afford the cheapest thing on it, so I hope she doesn't order the lobster or something or I'm gonna be stuck eating the salad…though it'd be worth it if by the end of the evening we're going out…_

"Yeah! You got enough money?" Donna counters, looking at him 'questioningly'.  _See, this is what I like about Eric…the lighthearted banter…I mean, with Hyde, everything has just been so intense…_

Eric cuts off her inner musings with a playful sounding,  "Oh, yeah, for me. Oh, I'm sorry, were you gonna eat something too?"  _Hmmm…she looks kinda tense…I wonder if it has anything to do with Hyde and the broken date at the library…best to keep it breezy and low key for now…I'll give her the ring at the end of the date…_

Donna looks up at him, after quickly perusing the menu.  "Actually, I'm in the mood for chicken."  _It's the cheapest thing on the menu, and even it is $15.00 a plate…eek, this place is expensive…  I know Hyde could never take me to a place like this, but he makes up for it in other ways, like the photo he gave me for Christmas…I still think that was the sweetest gift I've ever gotten, though I'd never tell Eric that, since he spent so much on the perfume…a girl has to keep some secrets…_

: "Oh, what a coincidence, I too am ordering the cheapest thing on the menu." Eric replies, keeping up the lighthearted banter.  _Quit kidding yourself…the only reason I'm not giving her the ring now is that I'm afraid she won't accept it…though if I don't ask, I'll never know, and I do hope she accepts it…yes yes, I do…_

"You look really nice tonight." Donna informs him.  _Yeah, the jacket does look nice on him…I wonder if Red picked it out for him…it seems like something Red would choose…_

"Oh, so do you. Look, Donna…" Eric begins, but trails off nervously.  _What the heck are we doing here…?  We're talking like a couple of strangers on a blind date…not like a couple people who've known each other for years…This can't be a good omen…_

A waiter comes over and inquires, "Hello! Can I start you folks off with drinks?"

"Well sure." Eric replies.  _Good drinks…that should loosen us both up and break the tension… I mean, I know I could definitely use a beer…  _He coughs and uses a much deeper voice than he normally would.  "I'll have a beer."

"Alright," the waiter responds and writes the order on his pad before looking in Donna's direction.

Donna points toward another table with a drink on it.  "Um, I'd like an ice tea."  _Yeah, I definitely need to keep a clear head tonight…_

The waiter nods in response and goes off to get their drinks.

"He didn't even proof me!" Eric points out ecstatically.  _Wow!  That was amazing!  I wonder why he didn't proof me…_

"It must be the jacket!" Donna replies, pointing at it.  _I mean, what else could it be?_

Eric gets a goofy looking grin on his face before countering with, "Or my sideburns!"  _Yeah, I've been growing these sideburns for the last little while, they're really starting to fill in…_

"What sideburns?" Donna says, giggling.  _Yeah Eric, what sideburns?  Now Hyde, he has sideburns…and nice ones at that…oh god…I've really got to get my mind off this right now…I mean, I'm here on this date with Eric and all I'm doing is thinking of Hyde…on second thought, this is certainly telling…Geez…all this inner turmoil, and now I realize that the answer was in front of my face all along.  I just couldn't admit it to myself…probably because it seems like everyone thinks Eric and I would make the perfect couple…but what exactly is a perfect couple anyways…?  But now how do I tell Eric?  Is it ever a good time to tell a guy you're dating, one who's always been such good friend to you, that you like his best friend?  This is big, and I'm gonna have to tread easily…_

 Eric points to his face and turns it to the side to show her his sideburns, but his face doesn't have a hair on it.  "These sideburns, right, these sideburns…"  _Smooth move Forman…_

THE VINEYARD Sometime Later… 

The waiter is walking over with their dinner orders.  Upon seeing this, Donna stands up drunkenly and shouts, "Here chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken!"

"Donna, shh, please." Eric replies, evidently embarrassed and lowering his hands in a tone it down sort of gesture.  _Geez…what's gotten into her all of a sudden?  She almost sounds drunk or something…but she's only had ice tea right?_

"Oh, sorry."  Donna responds, in what could be only be described as a mock conciliatory voice.  _Lighten up a little Eric!  You are acting **really** uptight, even for you…god…_

"Are, are you okay?" Eric asks, concerned.  _It sounds like she's drunk, but how could that be?  Now I'm **really** glad I already decided to wait till the end of the evening before giving her the ring cause trying to give it to her now, when it seems like she's drunk could only go badly…_

The waiter puts Donna's plate in front of her, then moves to do the same for Eric.

"I am great!" Donna exclaims giddily.  _You know, I really am great…and to think, I thought this would be a long evening…_

"I think you're drunk!" Eric counters.  _Might as well toss it out there, see what she says…_

"I think I am too!" Donna replies, grinning from ear to ear.  Then she gets a questioning look on her face.   "How could I be drunk?"  _Yeah, how could I be drunk…I only ordered ice tea, and last I checked, there was no alcohol in ice tea…Hmm…sure am glad dinner's here…I'm hungry…_

The waiter turns to Eric and pointedly informs him, "Well, there's about five shots of alcohol in the Long Island Ice Tea."

Eric gets a confused look on his face before uttering, "Wait, Long Island Ice Tea?"  _Well, mystery solved…but wait, how exactly did she end up with a Long Island ice tea…?_

"Yeah, well you guys ordered drinks…" The waiter explains, trailing off.

"And I'm ready for another one!" Donna drunkenly shouts as she raises her glass.  _That settles it…Long Island Ice Tea is officially my **favourite** drink…I'm not even uncomfortable anymore…if anything I'm downright giddy…_

Eric, realizing how drunk she really is and deciding that she's had enough turns to the waiter, shouting frantically, "No, she's good! Thank you, Thanks, Thank you, Thank you, Thanks!"  _Yeah, go go go…and don't bring another ice tea with you!  Now this isn't exactly how I planned to spend the evening…I thought I'd impress her with my charm…you know, be all suave and stuff so she'd accept my ring…ending anything that may have been going on between her and Hyde…and now I've got a drunken, screaming girl in a fancy restaurant…this has got to be the worst date ever…_

The waiter takes the hint, and turns and leaves their table.

_Well, step one…gotta sober her up some so she'll calm down a bit, and maybe then we can talk…  _Eric thinks, then mutters to himself while looking directly at Donna, "I think it's coffee time."

Donna looks at him drunkenly and wobbles a bit before shouting, "You're so hot, Eric!  So hot!"   _Well, he does look pretty good tonight…wait a minute, are these drunk thoughts?  Oh boy…_

Upon hearing Donna's latest outburst he gets the hugest grin on his face and replies, "Or time for another ice tea maybe."  _Good, good…even though she's embarrassing me with the shouting, at least she's loosening up some…she was just a little too tense earlier…maybe it won't be so hard to give her the ring after all…but one thing at a time…coffee first before she gets us tossed out of the restaurant with her yelling…_

Donna, losing her previous train of thought being drunk and all, also cuts him out of his inner musings by shouting,  "Sing to me Eric!"  __

"No, I don't sing…" Eric says, giving gestures of avoidance.  _Oh god…_

"Sing me a song!" Donna shouts again.  _Yeah, sing me a song, Eric!  It'd be really romantic and stuff, and we are on a date, right???_

Eric still continues to deny her request in a quiet, embarrassed way.  "I don't really…"  _Geez, don't make me do this man…I should've gotten up for the coffee when I had the chance…_

Donna, in her drunken stupor, starts threatening now.  "Do it or I'll scream!"  _Yeah, Eric…sing me a song, or I really will scream…Hyde would've sang me a song…_

Eric finally concedes, figuring it will be the easiest way out of this.  However, he belts out the first song that comes to mind, which probably on second thought wasn't the best one he could have chosen.  "Move it in, move it out, shove it in, shove it out! Disco Lady! Move it in, move it out, shove it in all about…"

Donna just sits there drunkenly bopping her head to the tone of Eric's out of tune singing.   _Gee Eric, I guess you do have it in you to sing to me…_

JACKIE'S CAR 

****

Jackie and Kelso get back in the car.  Kelso turns to Jackie questioningly and blurts out, "Well Jackie, it's now nine o'clock, which means that every shoe store in the greater Oshkosh area is closed for the night. So, what do you wanna do now?"  _Yeah, c'mon Jackie…I just spent my entire Saturday night looking for clogs…  You've got to wanna 'do it' now, right…?_

"Hey! Let's go look at the new Corvettes!" Jackie exclaims excitedly in response.  _What a great way to end the night!  This will help me decide which one to pick out for my 18th birthday…Daddy did say he would buy me one after all…and Michael, you just love looking at those expensive sports cars…_

Kelso looks at her, excited for a split second, "Oh Yeah!" Then realizing what she's up to summons up a look of boredom and adds,  "I mean, no.  That just sounds boring."  _I do love convertibles Jackie, so that was a good try…what I really want is to 'do it' though…_

"Well, what do you wanna do?" Jackie asks, a little exasperated at this point.  _If he thinks we're gonna 'prove our love', he'd better think again…especially after the way he acted around my father earlier…  _

"Oh, I don't know." Kelso replies, bored.  Then, as if inspiration just struck him,  "Oh wait, you know what we could do,  we could prove our love to each other again."  _The fact that I just called 'doin' it' 'proving our love' has got to guarantee me some action…  Yeah, we're gonna do it now!_

Jackie just tosses him a haughty, holier than thou look before shouting, "No Michael, we're not gonna prove our love every single time we have a chance!"  _Michael, Michael, how many times do I have to show you that I'm the man…_

"Why not?" Kelso asks perplexed.  _Yeah, why not?  I mean, I did what you wanted to do all night, and for what?!  To be told we're not gonna do it…ya know, this sucks!_

"Because it doesn't work like that! And just because we did it once does not mean we're ever gonna do it again." Jackie counters, getting really angry now.  _Take that Michael!  For being the huge doofus you are, you'll never see me naked again!_

Kelso looks at her in frustrated annoyance and rolls his eyes.  "Okay, well now you're just talking crazy!"  _Please say she's talking crazy…I mean I waited over a year before we even started 'doin' it'…_

"No Michael, no I am not! And if you think that's how it's gonna work Michael, well, then you're wrong."  _So there!_

"Well, damn Jackie! So, I spend all night looking for your, your stupid shoes and we're not even gonna do…"  _And to think, I could've spent the night hanging out in the basement…instead I was out looking for your stupid clogs!_

"No." Jackie says, shaking her head emphatically and crossing her arms over her chest.  _Now take me home!_

Kelso finally realizing that she means business, relents and caves.  He sighs, and tosses his arms in the air.  "Fine."   _There's no talking to her when she's like this, and you know, I kind of like being on the short leash…still wish we were 'doin' it' though, rather than sitting here fighting…_

Jackie calms down, evidently mildly surprised at how quickly Kelso gave in.  She quietly asks, "Are you sure you're okay with that?"  _I can't believe he relented so easily…maybe it's a trick…_

Kelso sighs again and replies, "Yeah."   _Might as well…I'm not getting any action anyway…being angry about it isn't gonna help at all…maybe I should've broken up with her when I had the chance…_

Jackie looks over at him, and gives him a sweet smile before saying, "Okay, let's do it!"  _Maybe he really **is** growing up…before he would've just kept on whining and pleading and begging until I gave in…_

Kelso sits there dumbly, her words not having registered yet.  Once they do, he looks at her, then quickly jumps over her.  _I **knew** we would 'do it'!_

THE VINEYARD 

****

Eric is sitting in front of Donna with his hand on his forehead, evidently very embarrassed by this point.  Donna starts jumping and down with her chair.

"Eric, I'm bored!  Dance with me!" Donna exclaims as she starts to get up to dance.  _Man, this place is stuffy…not to mention snooty, I mean look at the old guy next to us…if his nose went up any higher, you could literally see his nose hairs…_

"Donna, no look, this is a classy place and I don't think…" Eric begins, but cuts himself off, only to continue with, "Well…no!"  He gets up, and sits her back down in her chair.  _Geez, I need to find a way to get her some coffee, and fast!  Everyone is staring at us!  This isn't how I planned on spending the evening…I just hope that no one I know has seen us…I'd never hear the end of it… _

After he's finally settled her into her chair, he looks directly at her and speaks sternly.  "Look, Donna."  Upon seeing the waiter in the distance, he turns and shouts over,  "Come on, waiter, waiter! Could…"  The waiter walks by, not even looking in his direction, so he takes another tactic,  "Uh, okay. I'm gonna go get you some coffee so no dancing, and no singing. I'll be right back."  _I just hope she stays put till I get back… _he thinks, as he turns and leaves.

After Eric is out of view, Donna firmly slams her fist on the table which grabs the irritated attention of all the restaurant patrons.  "People, the chicken here is excellent!" she adds, in a shouting whisper.  __

Hyde walks in at this point, and heads over to the table. After seeing Hyde coming over, Donna hits a guy sitting at the next table only to shout to him, "Hey, Hyde's here! Hi Hyde!"  The guy at the neighbouring table looks at her exasperatedly, before turning around and continuing to eat his dinner.

"Hey Donna, uh, where's Forman?" Hyde asks nervously.  _Guess this is it…now or never…at least Forman's not around right now…I have **no** idea how I would've handled that…_

Donna points behind her, and replies in a quiet, albeit drunken voice, "Coffee."  _I'm glad Hyde's here, though wait a minute…why exactly is he here?_

Hyde just continues looking at her, as he moves his sunglasses off his face and up into his hair.  "Okay, look, I'm just gonna say this alright. Donna, I have feelings for you and I think that you have feelings for me. And Forman's gonna give you his ring, and I hope that before you take it, you'll think about…" he blurts out all at once, both nervous and hopeful.  _I'm glad Forman's not here right now...gives me some time to talk to her before he comes back and makes a scene…though, she seems to be acting a little strange…I just hope we can work this out…everything that's happened between us has to mean something right?  I just hope I'm not making a huge ass out of myself for nothing…_

Donna doesn't say anything, but brings her hands up to cup his cheeks and looks into his eyes.  For a moment it looks as though she's going to lean in and kiss him, but she simply runs her hands up into his hair and grabs his sunglasses.  Just as she slips his sunglasses on, Eric comes back to the table with two coffees in his hands.

Donna looks over to Eric, and bounces in her chair with her hands on Hyde's sunglasses.  "Hey Eric, Hyde's here! Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Heidi!"  _Something's not right here, but what?_

Eric looks at Hyde angrily, "Hey, we're on a date here!"  _Yeah, what are you doing here man?!  Trying to steal Donna away from me again?  I should kick your ass right here, but what would that do besides make a scene and get us all thrown out of here?_

Hyde sneers at him, obviously restraining a rage of his own and counters with, "Yeah man, well, you shouldn't be because we're supposed to be at the library!"  _What are you complaining about man?!  YOU were the one that deliberately snaked me out of my date with her!  And don't stand there all prim and proper, acting like you had no idea what you were doing!  You're lucky that I'm not  kicking  your ass right now!  _

"Hyde, if she wanted to be at the library, she'd be at the library!" Eric shouts back.  _You just can't get over the fact that she chose me, can you?!  Well, that's just your tough luck…if I were you, I'd leave right now, before you make an even bigger fool of yourself!_

Donna cuts off their argument with a rather frantic sounding, "Oh my God!"

Eric looks over at Donna, both nervous and frantic.  "Oh my God, wait, what do you mean by 'Oh my God!' ?"  _I hope she doesn't mean what I think she means…_

She doesn't explain any further, just shouts out again, "Oh my God!" before getting up and running off with her hand covering her mouth.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Look, when my date's done puking, you'd better not be here!"  Eric turns and says to Hyde sternly.  _Yeah, take the chance and leave…I don't wanna have to fight with you anymore over this…she's chosen me so it's game over…hopefully now, we can put the ugliness behind us and things can get back to normal…_He then, turns around and runs after Donna.

Hyde, looking in the direction Donna ran off toward, momentarily thinks of going to help as well, but the look on Eric's face tells him that he's not welcome there, so instead he walks over and sits down at their table.  He sees a waiter walk by and calls him over.  "Excuse me, hi! Could I get this in a doggie bag please? Thanks. Oh, and I'm in a hurry!" he replies hurriedly, looking defeated.  _Well, I tried to talk to her, but it's obvious she decided not to tell Forman about our kiss on the ski trip, so I guess that's it…I suppose I never really stood a chance…I mean, what do I have to offer her?  This is what I get for getting my hopes up…still…for a minute there it looked like…_ he begins, but cuts himself off, realizing that this line of thinking wasn't going to get him anywhere.  He **was **still Steven Hyde after all_…  If I can't have Donna, then I'm at least gonna have Eric's dinner…_

JACKIE'S CAR 

Jackie looks over to Kelso with a goofy in love grin on her face and starts babbling, "I feel so close to you Michael! Michael and Jackie, Jackie and Michael! Doesn't that sound good? Michael and Jackie, true love, always, forever."  _Michael may be a doofus, but he's my doofus, and I love him…_

Kelso looks at her apprehensively and utters, "Forever?" _How can she talk about forever like that?  I don't even know what to eat for lunch tomorrow…_

The perky brunette just continues with her rose coloured glass version of 'forever'.  "Forever! Dances, long walks, candles, flowers, babies, house, chocolate chip…"  _Yeah Michael, forever just keeps sounding better and better doesn't it…?_  She continues her list, but her voice slowly turns to a devil like tone.  

Kelso doesn't move an inch, but sits there with a weird, frightened still manner.  Finally he breaks out of it with a strangled sounding, "Unh!"  _Okay, now she's just scaring me…_

**__**

THE HUB 

Donna and Eric are sitting at a table, drinking coffee as the Hub is preparing to close for the evening.  All the other patrons have already left, leaving the two of them alone.

Donna looks embarrassed as she falteringly forces out a meek sounding, "Thanks for holding my hair when I was..."  _That was pretty nice of him to help me out like that…now, why didn't Hyde come and help out as well?  Come to think of it, weren't they fighting about something?  And why did Hyde come to the restaurant in the first place?  Could it have been about me?  _

"Oh, just thanks for missing my shoes!" Eric replies jokingly.  _Guess it's now or never…time to give her the ring…I just hope she accepts it…_

"Well, I guess, I guess I blew our big night." Donna responds contritely.  _Damn ice tea…it ruined my evening!  I wanted to try and explain everything to Eric over dinner, but was too drunk to even think clearly.  And then Hyde showed up…boy, I have a feeling I really screwed that up big time…when Eric came back with the coffees, Hyde looked really upset…all I can seem to remember is seeing him walk into the restaurant, and the lost look on his face when he saw Eric…I just hope that I can fix this…first things first…talk to Eric…he's always been such a nice guy to me from the first day I met him…the day I punched him in the stomach of all things…hopefully he'll understand and accept my decision…I mean, the last thing I want is for this whole thing to break up the group…_

"No, no! Look it's cool. I mean I thought I was gonna blow and then I mean you totally blew it. So, I mean it's great!" Eric exclaims happily.  _Did I really just say that?  And what's with the sad look on Donna's face?  Something's not right here…I just hope that it's not what I think it is…_

Donna responds with a bit of a mechanical tone, "You know, by telling me I blew it, you basically just blew it. Kidding."  _Yeah, I can't let the poor guy feel guilty for the whole ice tea fiasco…or about the news I have to give him…I mean, he tried his best to make our relationship work…hell, so did I…and who knows, if it weren't for Hyde perhaps we could have made a go of it…but there's no point on dwelling on what might have been…_

In a moment of nervous energy, Eric decides to just go for it and blurts out everything he's been holding inside all evening.  "And I was doing so good here with the jacket and the coffee, holding your hair back… Look, Donna, I want to be your boyfriend and you're all I ever think about and will you wear my class ring?"  _Well, you did it…now it's all up to her…I just can't seem to shake this feeling I have that she's gonna say no…that she'll choose Hyde…hell, why have I been fighting so hard to keep her when I **know** that we've been drifting apart these last few weeks?  Now that I've asked her to accept my ring, I wonder if in the midst of fighting over Donna, it's simply turned into a matter of winning…of proving to myself on some level that I'm better than Hyde?  Ever since we met, we've always been competing on some level…_

Donna cuts him out of his inner struggle with a quietly uttered, "I can't."  _Guess it's truth time…here goes…_, Donna thinks, trying to prep herself for the conversation she's been both dreading and anticipating.

Eric looks at her with a look of sadness and acceptance on his face and replies, "It's Hyde, isn't it?"  

"Yeah, but believe me when I say that I didn't intend for it to happen this way.  That this hasn't been an easy situation for me, especially since we are all such close friends.  And in the beginning, I really did want to try having a relationship with you.  It's always been such a big deal to our parents as well…like seriously, I swear they had us married with kids from the time we met and the only interest I had was sitting on your head.  But shortly into our relationship things started changing and just weren't the same anymore.  I just didn't see it until the day after we went to the disco when I heard Jackie talking to your mom in the living room from inside the kitchen.  Did you know that Hyde went to your mom for dancing lessons just to share that one dance with me?"

Upon hearing this, Eric just gets a stunned look on his face, then shakes his head no.  _Wow!  That's so unlike Hyde…he must really care about her, something I never thought Hyde was even capable of…  Though, I should probably kick his ass for making the moves on her…and believe me, I'm still angry with him for stealing Donna right out from under me, but really, am I any better?  I went behind his back to get her to go on this date with me, and turned this whole thing into one huge competition by deliberately ignoring what was really right in front of me.  Sure, I thought it was because I wanted to be with Donna, and that she wanted to be with me, but in the end I think I knew on some level that it had simply turned into a matter of winning…of proving I was better than Hyde because I had gotten the girl… _

He gets cut out of his dialogue by the flustered redhead, who seems determined to make him understand why things turned out the way they did.  "I mean, at first I was angry that he kept that information from me, but then it all started to make sense that what was missing between us was that spark, you know?  Anyway, at first I figured I'd make an honest effort to capture that feeling with you.  Especially since I had been the one to initiate the relationship between us, I felt it was my responsibility to make it work, to create that magic with you.  It didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't working, but I thought that it was something that would come with time.  That was until the ski trip where everything changed."  At this point, Donna looks down at her hands and starts fidgeting nervously.   "He kissed me Eric, while you were out looking for Fez."  She stops talking for a minute and just looks at Eric, who gets a temporary look of rage on his face that is quickly replaced by a look of acceptance.  Upon seeing that look, Donna got the nerve to finish the rest of what she had come on the date to say.  "That was when it became obvious that the sparks just weren't there for us, and that they never would be.  I just didn't know how to tell you, and I convinced myself that we could still have a good relationship in spite of that.  I was also afraid of what my revelation would do to the group, and the friendship between you and Hyde.  I didn't want to come between that, and lose you in the process.  Finally I realized I had to tell you, I just hope that you can understand…" Donna finishes trailing off, tired both physically and emotionally.  _I just hope I did the right thing…I know that I needed to speak with Eric before I could try to start a relationship with Hyde, but despite my best efforts to prepare myself for this discussion, I still didn't think it would be this hard…and this blasted hangover isn't exactly helping._

Eric just looks at her for a few seconds before saying, "While I can't say that I'm happy about all this, I must admit I was sort of expecting it.  I have noticed how close you two have been with each other lately, but I kept trying to pretend it wasn't there.  I guess I just didn't want to let myself see it."

"I'm sorry Eric." Donna mumbles and looks down at her hands.

"It'll be okay, Donna…it has to be doesn't it?  We've all been friends for too long to let something like this tear us apart.  I just need a little time to get over this.  I should probably go." Eric says in reassurance as he grabs his jacket and prepares to leave.  Then thinking he probably shouldn't just leave her here, turns back to ask,  "Are you coming?"

"Not just yet." Donna responds and looks at him with a meek, but hopeful smile on her face.  He smiles back, then turns and leaves, needing to do some thinking of his own. 

FORMAN DRIVEWAY 

****

Donna walks up the road, on the way home, but stops when she sees Hyde alone shooting hoops in Eric's driveway. _Was gonna go home for the night…didn't expect to see him still over at Eric's…he looks so sad…guess I should go over and talk to him…wish I wouldn't have had so much of that damn ice tea!  My head is killing me! _  She walks over to him, and just stands there watching him until he turns and sees her standing there.

"Hey…well I guess you came to tell me that Forman gave you his ring…" he begins before trailing off, looking both irritated and dejected.

Donna just stands there and looks directly at him.  _Oh that explains it, he thinks I chose Eric…how could he think that?!  Must have something to do with what happened between the time he showed up and Eric came back to the table…  _With a look of understanding, yet a little annoyance she starts to explain.  "I couldn't accept it, and that's what I came here to tell you;  also, that I was really looking forward to going to the library with you.  However, when Eric asked me to dinner I realized that I needed to talk to him…you know, explain things…"  _How could I have even grappled with choosing between the two of them, when the answer was right in front of me all along?  _She trails off, but gives him a serious look…making sure he didn't miss her meaning.

Finally, as he begins to realize what she's hinting at a look of understanding crosses his face and he utters a simple, "Ahhh…"  _Maybe she was just looking for the right time to talk to Eric when I showed up…and along the way, she somehow managed to get drunk…  _Then he pulls himself out of his inner musings and with a look of concern asks, "So how'd he take it?"_ Yeah, I definitely need to know if I should steer clear of Forman for a while…back at the restaurant he looked dangerously close to giving me a serious ass kicking…_

"Better than I expected." Donna replies; then adds, "I think everything will be fine…we just all need a little time."

"You think I should talk to him?  You know, to clear the air?"  _I probably should talk to him…I mean, we've been friends for years…can't just leave something like this hanging between us…though I have **no **idea how to even broach the subject with him, especially after the death glare he gave me back at the Vineyard…_

"That would probably be a good idea, but I'd wait a day or so first…I mean, he did say that everything would work itself out…that it had to because we've all been friends for so long.  I just think he needs a few days to work it out on his own terms, you know?"  __

"Yeah, I can understand that." he replies and nods in agreement.  "So…" he continues, but then starts coughing nervously.  "Well…I was gonna give you this when we went to the library…" he chokes out before trailing off again as he reaches in his backpack for what looks like a nice looking leather bound journal and awkwardly thrusts it at her.

Donna looks down at it, as she's flipping through the pages comments,   "Gee, it's so pretty!" Finally she looks up at him and asks, "How could you ever afford this?"  _I can't believe he got me a present…how sweet of him…I just feel bad that he couldn't have given it to me at the library like he planned…_

Hyde looks down at his shoes bashfully, then forces himself to look her directly in the eyes as he tells her, "Well, I've been eating over at Kelso's a lot lately, and saved Edna's grocery money.  Anyway, one day I saw this in a store window as I walked by and thought it would be the perfect gift for you, so…"  He just stops there and shrugs, never finishing whatever it was he was going to say.  _God, I swear I'm turning into Forman…but it's worth it to see the smile on her face…_

Donna stares at him smilingly, temporarily rendered speechless that he would so something like that just for her.  This goes on for a few seconds before she breaks out of the trance, slowly leans forward and starts kissing him tenderly.  Quickly the moment overtakes them both and the kiss grows more passionate.  

Eric, deciding to walk home and pick up the Cruiser at the Hub the next morning, so he would have some time to think, finally walks up to house and sees the new couple together kissing in the driveway.  _Well, I see they finally worked things out…and I'd rather see her with Hyde than some other jerk who would only take advantage of her…at least Hyde cares about her…I suppose clearing the air can wait until tomorrow…_ He just smiles, gives a small nod of concession, and walks past them into the house.  __


End file.
